(Closed) I think I want to cancel my wedding. One week to go.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

this kinda makes me smile a little, knowing exactly how you feel.  i think every girl on the face of the planet goes through this to some extent in the planning process. 

its just something you have to understand: you care.  he doesnt.  you always will.  he probably wont.  you want his help.  he would rather clean the toilet (which is what my FI told me about a month before our wedding and we had a full time wedding planner to boot).  its just life.  its like why you wont understand his obsession with fishing trips and sitting in the dirt for three day catching nothing.  or why he will never understand why we find it necessary to have 20+ pairs of shoes.

this is not a hill you need to die on.   its just not.  you dont need to call it off or even think about doing so.  this is marriage, this is relationships.  not that its always a tug of war, but sometimes it trying to understand why the other person jsut doenst get it, and leave it at that. 

take a deep breath, think about why you love him, and marry that guy!

Post # 4
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Either he his being a pathetic child ……or there is a lot more to this.

If he is just being an obnoxious child I wouldcall off the wedding, unless of course there is a reason (something you have done/said to make hime feel like not wanting to contribute) which is makeing him act this way, only you know the answer to this one I am afraid.

Edit: I just read the other posters response, maybe I am biased because my husband helped heaps, not at the start but definately in the last month, maybe I am just really lucky!Good Luck

Post # 6
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@diydolly: Seriously he needs to help, you need to tell him, 

Tell him you want his help and hear his response before you cancel a wedding, he sounds like he is ‘taking the piss’ (not sure if that is just an Aussie term) 

Post # 7
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just don’t think planning the wedding is something guys get totally into. I wouldnt take it so personally. Do you have some friends that can help you? 

I don’t expect my fiance to help with crafty stuff. I have over 150 save the dates to address and he hasnt offered to help, but that isn’t something to argue over. I have learned after 6 years that you must pick your battles. Somethings just arent worth getting mad over. Plus he probably hears you saying it is ok that he watches tv so he thinks you truly mean it. They are not aware of our “code words” to try and get them to do the opposite. 😛

I have over 5 friends who have already gotten married and this was an issue with them too so you are not alone. I just learned to not expect him to get down tothe nitty gritty dirty wedding planning stuff. Therefore, I haven’t asked him to choose between this purple or that purple. He helped with the venue choice, dj choice, photogrpahy and cake. Other than those items he is pretty much trusting in me. 

Unless there are deeper issues or problems then I wouldnt call off the wedding. I hope evertyhing works out! 

Post # 8
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Getting married is stressful for everyone involved. Cold feet are normal! Try to remember that women are much better at multi-tasking than men are. It’s not fair, it sucks that they can’t give it 110% like us women do, but sometimes you just have to pick your battles.

Maybe sit down with him for a few minutes and watch his show with him. This will remind him that you can take time for the things he is interested in. I also think that will spark his interest to get to what is important to you.

Remember what the wedding is all about-being together. Try not to see this for more than what it is. He is likely nervous about the wedding also, and watching tv probably helps keep him from feeling overwhelmed.

Go sit next to him, snuggle up and smile at him. I’m sure it will make a huge difference in how you are both feeling. Remind eachother what this wedding is all about.

Maybe have a nice glass of wine tonight before bed and allow yourself to feel the excitement of getting married!

Good luck!

 

Post # 11
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Well, I can tell you that if he is this way now, don’t expect much help when you have a baby.  Looks like all the feedings, changing, playing, and bathing are on you.  I hope you are okay with this if you marry him.  I know it hurts but men DON’T change when they get married.

Post # 12
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should see if you can get away, not do wedding planning at all with him for an afternoon or overnight, and talk to him while you’re away.   You probably need to reconnect again and realize why you want to get married.

I find wedding planning to be so consuming.  We always seem to be talking and planning the wedding.   I have felt a bit of a strain at times too, but I think it’s normal.  If you think the bone are there for a solid relationship, you should be okay.   If you have serious concerns, you need to have a heart to heart now with him.  

I’m sorry, that feeling is a terrible one.  I hope you can be reassured.  In the meantime, recruit other people to help too!

Post # 13
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My FI doesn’t care about the wedding either. He just wants to be married; how we get to that point is little concern of his. I know it’s frustrating but I don’t think it’s a valid reason for canceling your wedding. Best of luck.

Post # 14
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hi – I’m sorry you are having a hard time.  Is there anyone else who can help you like your parents or family? 

Like others mentioned here – this type of stuff isnt most men’s favorite stuff to do in the world.  As you said yourself, you’ve sort of ignored his desires and made this your own.  Any ownership he had has been taken from him so I can definitely understand his disinterest and possible resentment.

I say just suck it up and get it done. 

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