(Closed) I think I was a bad bridesmaid…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think it would hurt to bring it up, admit that you have a different perspective now than you did then, and apologize.

It doesn’t sound like you were really in the wrong though, from what you’ve posted. But if you think it will bring more closure and healthy growth to your friendship, I say go for it.

Post # 4
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you were iyt of order. I seriously hope my friends would call me inconsiderate if I was going to do something like that. Sorry, but getting married doesn’t allow you to behave like that.

Imagine if it was her 30th birthday party and you and all her friends had all laid out money and she had pulled out at the last minute? You would be pi$$ed with her. I don’t think your view of things would change when it came to your 30th birthday, either.

So relax and don’t feel guilty!



Post # 5
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah, I think that diplomatically telling a friend that she’s being inconsiderate b/c she doesn’t wanna go to a party that her friends already paid for is just being realistic.

I wouldn’t feel guilty abuot it. If it was a birthday party, you probably would’ve called her out on it, too! Just b/c it was wedding-related, you shouldn’t feel bad.


Post # 7
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It sounds like she was being inconsiderate, and once things calmed down she probably realized her mistake since she stayed friends with you and was in your wedding.  If the timing of your discussion is what is bothering you, then you can apologize for that, but since she was wrong and seems to have moved on, I would recommend giving it a few days and seeing if you still feel the need to apologize then.

Post # 8
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Just because you’ve been in her shoes now and can empathize doesn’t mean she wasn’t being inconsiderate.  If I decided the day of the bachelorette party my Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s planned for me that I’d rather watch The Soup and eat pizza, I would completely expect to get slapped.

Post # 9
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I think you were probably right to say somthing. Just because you are a bride doesn’t mean that you have the right to take for granted those who are close to you, especially in that situation where bridesmaids’ money was on the line for a party for the bride, and you had cleared it with her before making plans. Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself and the bridesmaids and doing so in a calm and diplomatic way. Seriously, that takes guts, especially when it’s a friend.

That being said, having been in her shoes as the one planning the wedding, it seems like you’ve gotten a different perspective. If it’s on your mind this much, then I’d definitely mention it to her in a private moment. I’d say something along the lines of “I know it was ages ago, but now that I’ve gone through the wedding planning process, I know how crazy and stressful it can be. I keep thinking about when I told you you had been inconsiderate to change plans for the bachelorette party, and I feel bad that I upset you right before the wedding. I’m so glad that it didn’t hurt our friendship, which I really do treasure. It’s amazing how crazy weddings can be, and how different things seem when you’re the one attending versus planning your own wedding.”

I’d focus on friendship and the change in perspective you’ve had, not that you were wrong to say something about it. I’d probably keep it lighthearted and let her know how much her friendship means to you.

It sounds like you are a good friend!! 🙂

Post # 10
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i don’t think you were out of line at all. as a bride, i realize that i’m more stressed out than normal so i’m overly conscious of how i am treating other people right now. i was recently in my friends wedding and at times, i did feel like i was in an episode of bridezilla, getting yelled at for how i was tying ribbons on favors! (and i’m an art major, a very crafty person.) i swore i wouldn’t do that, and while i know i can’t help if i get stressed, i do know that i can help how i’m treating my family and friends.

Post # 11
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve been in (similar) shoes. I was the bad bridesmaid who turned into a bit of a b*tch when we were shopping for bridesmaid dresses (I blame the “hangry” – I forgot to bring snacks to keep my blood sugar up). And I felt bad about it afterward (as in, minutes after the dresses were purchased and I was fed). So, when my friend and I were bridesmaids dress shopping for my wedding (yes, she was kind enough to stay my friend), I apologized . . . 4 years later.

Post # 12
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

She asked you guys to organize the Bach party a certain way, then backed out at the last second knowing you had already paid for it. That definitely deserved some strong words, Bridesmaid or Best Man or not. Unless she had a really good reason, like a death in the family or something. Just because you’re the bride doesn’t mean you can be totally selfish and inconsiderate to your friends who are there to support you.

If I were you I wouldn’t say anything. Let it stay in the past. Unless it’s keeping you up at night, then give her a heartfelt apology adn thank her again for being in your wedding.

Post # 13
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think if the conversation or moment comes up I would say how you’re more understanding of what she was going through at the time.  But other than that, if things are back to normal, why bring it up again. 

Post # 14
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh, I just remembered that i was totally a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man for my oldest sisters wedding. I was 19 at the time and was not close to her, I was 11 out of 11 and she only asked me b/c she asked our other sister. I wasn’t involved in anythign really, I remember buying the cake for her shower and contributing towards a group gift, but I couldn’t go to the bach party since I was underage and I didn’t really do a good job of supporting her on her wedding day. I feel really bad about it now, but there just aren’t words I can think of to apologize to her. So I don’t talk about it. But when I asked her to be my co-MOH, I told her that it was very sweet of her to have me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding and it meant a lot to me and I feel so lucky to be closer with her now adn have two wonderful Maid/Matron of Honor sisters. I’m hoping she got it.

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