Post # 1
Having a bad week; been having panic attacks and nightmares again.
Here’s a bit of background, my SO was with his ex for 5 and a half years and he was two months off proposing to her when they split (even if they were still together he doubts they would have set a date, she would have been 20 when they got engaged). She dumped him. He was planning on proposing to her on holiday. We met and got together two months after they split so during our second week together SO went off with friends on the holiday he was planning to propose on. ALL my friends said it was rebound and not to date him. Fast forward two and a half years, we are still together, living together, have a cat (it’s a commitment lol), and are talking timelines and engagement etc.
Anyway, SO used to wind me up (kind of innappropriately) about having to wait 5 and a half years before getting engaged like his ex did (and I would tell him it worked so well in the past). He also plans to use his aunt’s ring to propose so I would be getting the same ring (I only found out a few months ago that it would only be for the proposal and not be THE ring). Anyway, all that teasing got me paranoid and over a year and a half ago when we started talking long term I told him “you can’t propose on holiday, I’m sorry but I just think it’d be innappropriate).
A couple nights ago I had a nightmare that I found out he was planning to do just that. When I awoke I told him about the nightmare and how it involved him being stupid and planning on proposing on holiday and he said:
“Why would that be stupid?”
“Cos I’m not X babe; I wouldn’t accept”
“….Oh well, guess it’ll have to be in the house then”
And that’s it, that’s all he said, not “I’d never do that”, not “Don’t worry hun, we’ll get there” just “Oh well”
He had been talking about booking a holiday soon. So I’m left feeling a bit upset that he would think to use the same ring and proposal plan with me and his ex. Not sure whether I’m reading too much into what he said so don’t know whether to bring it up again.
What do you think I should do???
Post # 3
I’d leave it alone. You expressed your feelings to him and he responded in a way that shows he understood what you were saying (even if it wasn’t the way you prefer that he respond). Also, with the ring: it’s a family ring so I wouldn’t worry that it’s the same one he was planning to propose with before, it’s not the ring he bought for his first girlfriend, that would be weird in my opinion.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t bring it up anymore. It is definitely annoying that he toys with you about his ex and the 5.5 years he waited. But the ring is only a place holder and it’s a family ring so I wouldn’t be too bothered about that; also, a lot of people propose on vacations. It’s romantic and it’s in a place that’s “exotic”.
Post # 5
You seem really desperate for a proposal in general from this guy, so maybe just let him do it how he wants? Does this mean he changed his mind about not proposing until his mortgage is paid off?
Post # 6
I wouldn’t worry about it – didnt he tell you just a few weeks ago that this wouldn’t be for at least another year or two?
If you’re still with him by then, this conversation will be LONG forgotten.
Post # 7
Would you be going on the exact same vacation he had planned to propose to his ex? If not, I don’t understand why he can’t propose on a different vacation. I think that would be an amazing proposal.
I would just leave it alone. Let him do it his way. Someone once said to me that the girl gets to plan every detail the way she wants it for the wedding, the proposal is when the guy gets to do that. I agree – let him have this and just enjoy whatever he decides to do and be happy about the fact that you’ll be marrying him. I’m sure it’ll be lovely.
Post # 8
Okay, so we were talking a few nights ago and he said: “Three years from today, I will be married to **** *** ****** (my full name) and have paid off my mortgage in full or I will give you £20,000!” I’ve got the date on the calandar as a joke.
I feel like he’s still moving things – not getting engaged til the mortgage is paid off THEN being married within the next 3 years (if I pay for the wedding so he can pay off the mortgage). I’m fed up. I am one of these people that need exact dates to work towards and he’s a “do it as it happens” kinda guy which really stresses me at times.