Post # 1
hi bees! i become engaged last month and my fiance are starting the process of planning a 2014 wedding.
but the more i think about it, the more i panic. i have social anxiety and my darling fiance’s family (and the pressure of their high expectations) make me more anxious.
so, the idea of eloping is becoming more and more attractive to me. i honestly do not want the drama of planning a wedding, and the drama of a wedding day.
i’ve mentioned this to fiance, but we haven’t spoken seriously about it… he doesn’t seem totally against it… but i think the people who will be disappointed will be our families.
i’d rather us spend the money on a nice holiday for us, to begin our lives together rather than what is essentially a big party for people who we feel obligated to invite.
i have a question though. is there anyone who eloped and later regretted it, vice versa?
any advice for this stressed out girl?
Post # 3
I think if you’re worried about regret, you can elope, with a videographer, so people can watch your wedding, then have some kind of reception back at home.
Post # 4
thanks for your reply. it’s not the actual ceremony i’m worried about, it’s the reception. when there’s alcohol involved my future father-in-law gets.. rowdy. and i know if there’s any kind of ‘celebration’ he will want to drink and ruin our excitement. i have previous experience with this.. my 21st birthday party, a father’s day dinner and also a mother’s day dinner.
also, we’re a lot closer to my aunt (and have asked my cousins to be a part of our wedding party) than my fiance is to his aunts and uncles… and if we didn’t include them (purely out of obligation) there would be drama.
i just feel so stuck and i feel like i can’t enjoy what is supposed to be a happy and exciting time in our lives. 🙁
Post # 5
@JL4SM: i hear ya! we’re not eloping, we’re having the full on wedding…. and some days i think to myself, i wish we could elope, and not have drama, pressure, stress or cost of a big do! but we’d never hear the end of it from family.. so we’re doing the wedding and i’m sure it will be amazing, just have to take it day by day.
i think you should try speaking to your future inlaws about how you feel about the pressure, maybe just have a small wedding with family and close friends, or maybe have an alcohol free reception?! or no reception, maybe afternoon tea?! (sorry, i’m english).
i’m sure there are ways around having a simpler wedding (if you can’t elope), just have to discuss the options. 🙂
Post # 6
Do what’s best for you. End of story.
Post # 7
@springwed8: i hope your day is lovely and everything great that you imagined it to be. x
Post # 8
Just do whats best for you and your Fiance. It’s not fair to do things to other people’s expectations when they arent the ones dealign with the stress or the financial burdens.
If you decide to elope, they may be upset for the moment, but they’ll get over it.
Or perhaps give your parents an ultimatum. Tell them that you aren’t excited abotu having this big wedding, and you’d like to get married exclusively, and invite ONLY your parents and your siblings.
if they love you, they’ll understand. they wont have a choice not to.
My Fiance and I are thinking about having an intimate beach wedding in hawaii with just our parents and siblings. Then when we get back home, we’ll have a little getty at one of our parents house (maybe like a fun BBQ or luau themed party), invite just our closest friends and relatives (30 people MAX), and play the wedding video for them so that they could feel included…
Whatever you decide to do, remember that its YOUR day… dont lose sight of that.
Post # 9
I agree – do what’s best for you and your honey, not what everyone else expects you to do. This is a celebration of your love first and foremost.
I speak from experience – I had a traditional wedding the first time, then eloped the second time. The elopement was FAR AND AWAY better than having a traditional wedding! 🙂
A small intimate wedding is a good compromise though, if you feel the need to have parents there. And if it’s small, perhaps your Father-In-Law won’t get crazy out of hand. 😉
Post # 10
We’re planning a wedding around that time too and eloping is beginning to look better and better to us as well. It’s cheaper and seems like it would get rid of so much of the drama. Do what you think is best for you.
Post # 11
thank you everyone for your lovely suggestions and advice – much appreciated. will keep you updated with what we decide to do! 😀