Post # 1
Help! I think I’ve turning into a crazy bridezilla!
Here’s the situation:
1) I got engaged 3 months after BM1. We both want to get married next September/October (because we have those months off work) so I wanted to let her choose her date first. BUT we were nearing the 1 year mark and she hasn’t picked a date. I reminded her again that she had first-choice, but that I wanted to start booking venues/vendors, so I could only wait another couple of weeks. She’s still not sure! What should I do? She said she thinks they’ll go with October, but that she’s not sure. Is it terrible of me to pick a September weekend and start planning?
2) We ordered dresses, and BM2 wanted a size 6 or 8 (based on the size chart on the website). After hearing that the dresses fit big, I called BM2 to ask if it would be okay if I order her a 4 instead, and she freaked out that it wouldn’t fit. Then, BM3 and I went to order the dresses, and BM3 found that even though she measured a 2 or 4 according to the website, when she tried on a size 0 it fit (and was even a bit on the big side). I told BM2 about BM3’s visit to the store, and she was unconvinced. I think I’m going to order her a 4 anyway… would that be terrible? I KNOW it will fit. And that way BM2 can save $$ on alterations too!
Ahh! Tell me what to do! I feel like all my wedding planning has revolved around offending the least number of people!
Post # 3
1) Pick a weekend for your wedding and let her know.
2) Order the 6 and let her deal with it!
Post # 4
I don’t think you are being a bridezilla at all. It is not your fault that BM1 is dragging her feet. You have given her the opportunity to pick her date more than once. I think you should just go ahead with yours and she can pick after you.
As for the other one, if you are confident that the dress will fit, go ahead and order it that way. Just be sure you are ordering it in the biggest size for her measurements. It could fit well in some areas and be way to small or way to big in others.
Post # 5
I’ll respond to the bridesmaids issue first: let your bridesmaids order a size larger than you think they need, as long as they’re prepared to shoulder the costs of alterations. A good tailor will be able to make anything fit, as long as it isn’t a tremendous difference (and even then they’ll still be able to make it fit, it’s just that the proportions won’t look perfect.) If it makes your BMs feel better to order the larger size, then they should. I had one BM who gave me her measurements as taken by a friend (instead of a tailor) and they were way too large. When her dress came, it looked like a tent on her. One trip to the tailor and a few weeks later, it fit perfectly and she looked beautiful.
As for your friend who’s getting married, I think you should simply ask her whether she minds if you get married before her, or if she’d prefer you get married after her. Then just go ahead and pick your date assuming she’ll have her wedding in October. I assume your concern is that your weddings will end up on the same weekend, and you can easily avoid that by picking a date that isn’t in October – and then immediately letting her know, so that she doesn’t pick the same date. It’s a good idea to stop harrassing her about picking a date, because she’s probably getting stressed and annoyed, but it is nice of you to consider her feelings when picking your own wedding date. Try phrasing it that way to her – “We think we’re going to pick September 17th, do you think that will work okay for you guys?”
Post # 6
I think you’re being really considerate to your friend to let her pick her date first, you’ve given her plenty of time, so I think you’re fine to plan your date for September, or since you seem so concerned, give her the heads up that you’re going to go ahead and plan your date for September then if she doesn’t mind, since she hasn’t picked a date yet, and you want to get the ball rolling with yours.
As for the dress, let the bridesmaid choose what size she wants, if its huge, thats her problem after, you did advise her. She’ll just have to get it altered.
Post # 7
Ok, none of this is bridezilla-ish.
1) It’s nice of you to wait for your friend to set her date, but if you’re ready to pick a date, you should just go ahead and do it. She just might operate on a different timetable from you. We didn’t set our date till 3.5 months before the wedding–but I realize that would drive some people crazy. Just plan your day the way you want to.
2) The only reason I wouldn’t order the 4 is that if it doesn’t fit BM2, she’ll be annoyed that you didn’t just get the size she asked for. But if you’re SURE that the dresses run really big, and you want to order her the 4, go ahead and do it only if you’re willing to buy her a size 6 or 8 out of your own pocket if the 4 doesn’t work. That seems fair to me. I understand that you’re just trying to help her out by ordering the 4.
Post # 8
1. I think as long as you tell your friend what you are planning on doing, there shouldn’t be a problem. You are a year out so you both should really be booking at least your venue. You gave her the opportunity to pick first and she won’t so just tell her you looked at such and such venue and they have this date open and you are going to book it if that is cool with her.
2. If you told her about BM3’s experience and she is unconvinced, just remind her that she may have to pay more for the alterations and order the size she wants. There will be more than enough time for her to get it taken in (as long as she is perpared to pay for it.) The only other option I can think of is to arrange a phone call with the BM and the bridal shop salesperson so he/she can explain the sizing. Your friend may be more likely to take advice from the ‘expert.’
Post # 9
@anon: on 1. youre not a bridezilla at all… infact your over nice… maybe im the bridezilla… but if your friend cant accept the fact that you offered to let her pick her date first and just do it already then SORRY she loses, pick your date other wise youre gunna lose out becuase you were trying to nice. If shes not ready to set a date, then all she has to do is say ” I appreciate you allowing me to choose first, but were not ready… go head and do what you need to do”
Moving on to crazy bridesmaidzilla… order her whatever size dress she feels like and when it doesnt fit and she starts bitching that they cant alter the dress that much blah blah blah… tell her you offered to order her a smaller size, and you dont want to hear another word about it… cut and dry.. youre definitely not a bridezilla…
Post # 11
You are not being a bridezilla. You are being very considerate to your friend. I think you should pick a date and tell her which date you picked. Since she said Oct. then I would go with Sept.
I would let your BM order the size she wants.
Post # 12
I don’t se any bridezilla in this at all. Pick your Date! You have been more than nice about the situation. And I would order the dress in the size your BM wants and let her deal with it. There is only so much energy you can spend on certain things. Good Luck!
Post # 13
seriously don’t let what other people do affect your plans so much! It’s an important day for you and FI and your families. Friends are important but you’ve given her enough time.
1. do what you want – pick a date.
2. do what you want – she’s an adult let her do whatever she wants, she can deal. atleast you tried!
Post # 14
Pick a date and don’t worry about. You don’t need to worry your friend, further worrying yourself about her picking a date.
Also, pick the size the size that the bridesmaid wants. Ultimately she is the one who is wearing the dress, so let her deal with it if its too big.
Post # 15
1. I agree that you’ve done what you can; just pick a date and let her know.
2. While I definitely understand how tempting it is to order the smaller size, I’d order the one your bridesmaid wants! Even if it’s huge on her, she can get it altered closer to the date! Who knows, she might also want a bigger size because she is worried about weight changes between now and then too! (A couple of my bridesmaids ordered up a size because their weights can fluctuate, especially over a year.)