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eek.
kind of sounds like 'or not' to me.
she's probably butthurt that you couldn't offer her a handout when she needed help. that or she's embarrassed that she poured her heart out to you and got what she felt to be an unsympathetic reply.
either way, sucks :(
That sucks a lot. Maybe you could talk to the mutual friend to determine what's going on?
Wow. She just seems to be asking very immature. I know you're friends. But if a "friend" isn't understanding, and blows you off just like that and deletes your posts, etc, idk....
Doesn't seem like a good friend to me. I say that you're better off.
I sound like a wonderful friend to me. Don't take it to harshly.
She might be mad about it. But honestly, moving in with a newlywed couple is kind of....creepy, let alone inconsiderate. I hope she matures up fast, but then again, no answer is an answer.
Sounds like someone you don't want to be friends with. It's really rude to ask to move in with a friend unless you have to. Not to mention being so passive agressive.
Meh, I actually have mixed feelings about it. Mostly confusion. I'm just letting it work out for itself. Yes, she's relatively immature and I've kinda been waiting for her grow up, thinking she'd be a great friend again once she "caught up". Things were good a few years ago. Then when my husband got deployed and my brother died, I went through a rough patch--she handled it poorly as a friend, making out with her boyfriend in my living room with me right there, and she even told me it was a good thing my brother was dead. Not what you say to someone the day it happens. And it wouldn't have happened if he'd been raised right. I chalked it up to her being young and naive about life. After she visited my parents' house with me one time, she rubbed my mom the wrong way so much she's no longer permitted to come. Wow, listen to me. I should put 2 and 2 together, eh?
And yeah, maybe the reply wasn't what she wanted to hear (she has two siblings who live in this city, though), but mom and DH gave me a thumbs up on it so I thought it was well worded. I told our mutual friend (a close friend of mine) what happened and told her that if she talked to her, to encourage her to talk to me and let me know what's up, that I at least deserve to know what's going on.
But yeah, multiple people (mom, DH, best friend...) have told me it's a) immature b) ridiculous and c) she wasn't that great of a friend anyways. She used to be.
Talk about taking a cue, eh?! DH says to not waste energy worrying about it, but it just gets under my skin, man.
I'm sorry for that situation. I don't think that she has any right to be mad at you for not letting her live with you without paying any expenses. It doesn't really sound like she is a good person to treat you like that over that simple of a thing. You're better off without her!
I can't believe she said that to you about your brother. I'm sitting here reading it with wide eyes, like OMG!! I hope she grows up a bit and can become a good friend. And if you can give her a second chance than she is lucky!!
My mouth just dropped open....she said it was a good thing your brother passed? OMG, what a peice of work.
Yeah. She knew about my brothers' previous drug problem. His tox report was clean, though. And he'd just gotten out of rehab. So, it was definitely a premature judgement based on her part and I know how negatively people react when they think drugs+accident. =\
She's probably mad. I think you honestly did her a favor by not letting her stay with you. She needs to grow up & see what she's made of! It's time to sink or swim :) Plus you & your DH are newlyweds! Anyone see "You, Me & Dupree"? Awwwwkward!
I've gone through a friend overhaul this past year myself. There were a few friends that made me wondered if we didn't grow up together, would we really be friends?? If not, they got the boot. Harsh, but I strongly believe in surrounding myself with people who are uplifting & inspiring! The things she said about your brother & the way she has behaved is not the type of friend you need. I would count this as a blessing in disguise... especially if your husband & family agree.
edit: I was quoting the episode where Monica finds out that Phoebe tried to cut her out!
From the things you've written that she has said and done in the past, I'm thinking that she's just a very selfish and insincere person, and maybe she just used to be better at hiding it than she is nowdays! I cannot believe she ever said that to you about your brother passing away! What a nasty, thoughtless and hateful thing to say to you! Before I read your second post, I was going to say that apparently she's ticked off at you for not letting her leech off of you for as long as she needs, which I can't believe she would just ask you if she could live with you free and clear in the first place. Now that I read your second post and what kind of person she sounds like, it doesn't really surprise me! You were more than gracious enough to offer her to stay for the weekend, and she is too self-centered to see the big picture (as in, your husband currently being unemployed and you guys not being financially able to support anyone else right now) so IMO you are better off not having her as a "friend". If she were truly a friend, she wouldn't be so immature about it, playing facebook games and deleting your comments and such. That's ridiculous! Regardless of whether you could let her stay or not, she should have at least offered that she could pay you back in a couple months when she gets back on her feet or whatever, but she didn't even do that! Ugh... I know this post is rambling but I absolutely hate "friends" who turn out not to be friends at all. I've experienced that a lot and it is a HUGE dissapointment. Anyways, I know it would help you to be able to talk to her, so you could at least get some closure on things and know what's going on. I hope it all works out!
@recessionistabride, lol, i caught the friends reference right away. I *may* own all 10 seasons. I *may* have seen each season at least 25 times. I *may* know them all by heart. =]
And i know you guys are right. I guess it's just one of those things where it's hard to realize on your own and even harder to act on it. Only, I'm not really the one doing the booting. I'm going to feel really foolish if there's something else, completely unrelated going on, but it's hard not to put the pieces together.
My best friend thinks the whole thing is bizarre and ridiculous....we do have mutual friends which could make *some* things awkward in the future. Awkward for her, I guess! ha.
Thanks for letting me know what I've always known, haha. Reinforcement is good. I'm already less anxious and wrapped up in the situation.
We *may* have the same problem and I *may* consider myself the 7th friend! lol
i *may* know exactly how ya'll feel ;)
to be honest it seems sort of rude that she would ask u that in the first place and not even offer to pay rent?! what decent person does this? honey - ur better off
im a phase out type - for legitimate reasons of course...but i had a friend go crazy on me once and have never spoken to her since. I just dont let me ppl cause drama in my life that way.
"i feel like a perfect arse"
"no in america ur just an ass"
I hate to hijack a serious thread... but
@sctiger: have you ever seen the blooper reel of that clip? Oh my goodness I peed a little I was laughing so hard!! I still love how Amanda dances for Chandler & says "Can you believe I've never had any formal daaawnce training?"
lol YES! i LOVE the blooper reels...but that one is hilarious b/c phoebe just cant get it together
"I DONT CARE ABOUT THE STUPID BAND"
lol oh Ross! What about when he gets "Ugly naked guy's" apartment & he jumps and screams like a girl with Phoebe and Rachel?? Or when he tries to teach the girls about "Unagi".
Or my personal favorite: "I'm sorry... It must be the pressure of entertaining!"
Seriously... it's an illness.
y not try calling the friend she lives with and see where her head migjt be at.or u could be in a situation where they r both bad talking u and wont speak to u. ouch!
good luck though
haha....you guys crack me up.
I'm ok being phased out and I'm ok not being her friend. It's really just icing on the cake in regards to the way she is. I really just felt like in a few years when she grew up a little, we would be able to go back to where we were when we were 18/19 and be good friends again. But to ask to move in with me, then ignore me completely? It's not like we had a major falling out or argument! Apparently you thought we were close enough for you to ask to move in with my husband and I for a few months...=P
The blooper reels and the commentaries are the BEST! PS i just read that David Schwimmer (who's in his 40's) got engaged to someone...she's 23. And here, I thought even I was too young for him, lol. I used to have a mini celeb crush on them all. The nerdy science ones always get me =-].
And i actually have tried contacting her roommate. She never got back with me. I'm guessing the roommate is out of the loop though--they had a few tiffs over the past 2 years and I don't think they're that good of friends anymore.
Wow. That's pretty lame of her, first off to ask you to live with you knowing your situation and two to call herself being mad at you for looking out for your financial and marital stability because letting her move in would have definitley taken it's toll on both.
Let her be childish and pout on her own. You've done all you can to contact her. It's time to just let it go.
<3
She definitely sounds like one of those 'fair weather friends' who calls when THEY need a favor, or THEY need a shoulder to cry on, but who won't reach out to you and comfort you when they know you're going through something. I've had to flush a bunch of those out of my life lately, and while it's hard because, yes you may have some very sweet memories together, it's so much healthier for you.
I think you may be better off without her. Glad you didn't let her move in!
I'm also on the "I think you're better off without her" train. It doesn't sound as if she was being a very good friend to you to start, and when you explained why you couldn't have her move in, she started ignoring you. Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me!!!
I'd also be careful she isn't spreading her dramatic view to your mutual friends...I had a roomie do this...TOTALLY twisted the facts about what happened. She refused to meet with me on a bill dispute...I offered to make her copies of the bills, etc....SHE refused...then went around telling friends I basically stole $ from her....rrright
You're right, cannotwait, she could be. I don't want to put any of my friends in the middle of this, though, by contacting them "first". I'll just try to be the adult about the situation.
Plus, anybody who REALLY wants to know what's up will get a copy of the messages and they can decide for themselves what the dealio is.
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Who's seen the Friends episode?! Where the gang talks about Phoebe being phased out? Pretty sure I'm Phoebe right now.
A month and a half ago a friend sent me a facebook message with some personal issues. She asked to move in with DH and I for a few months while she started her first job and saved up money for an apartment. No offer to pay rent or anything. And my husband isn't working--I can't really afford a third person. I lamented about the situation, offered some ideas, told her she could stay with us for a weekend while she apartment hunted, and left it at that. No response. After 3 days, I responded back, "you okay? Haven't heard from you". She asked a mutual friend if she could move in with her and she said yes.
It's now been 6 weeks and I haven't heard from her. I posted on her wall, saying "I sent you some messages and haven't heard back--did the internet eat them?". SHE DELETED IT. Yep, deleted the facebook message on her wall yesterday.
I called today. Got voicemail. No return call.
Not sure what's up. Maybe she's pissed I wouldn't let her live with my husband and I for a few months. Maybe she has family issues going on. I don't know, but being ignored is ridiculous. If you don't want to be my friend, at least don't be a wank about it and tell me. Ignoring every type of contact is just childish and immature. Because I'd at least like to know if I have a friend anymore or not.