- 2 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
so long time bee going anonymous for this one. Just had a huge fight with husband and i cant take it anymore.
ive been noticing that im just not happy anymore. I constantly have to tiptoe around my husbands feelings and watch what i say because any little thing i say can make him blow up and cause a huge fight. I recently started a new job (id never worked before) and since hes become like increasingly jealous and controlling.
He gets upset if i get home from work exhausted and dont really want to do much. On the other hand, he gets home, says hes tired and for me to make him dinner and sits his ass down on the couch or goes to sleep. I try to have any conversation with him and hes more interested in playing with his phone and watching tv than listening to me. However, when he wants to talk i have to drop everything and listen.
my biggest red flag is when he gets mad he goes crazy. He starts yelling so loud i get embarassed our neighbors can hear him. He punches things, throws them across the room, or slams things on the table or slams doors. although hes never hit me, he has shoved me and pushed me out of the room. he makes public scenes if he gets upset at a public place. like if were at the store, he makes it clear hes mad by walking like 10 paces in front of me and being incredibly rude to me and insulting me loudly.
For example, he once made a scene at a store because he had asked to go shopping with me and when we got there he decided he was tired and wanted to go home. When I told him to wait until i finished he demanded i give him the keys and started raising his vioce. When i tried to walk away, he followed after me making a scene and insulting me in front of others. when i told him he was acting like a child he asked me for my engagement ring and wedding band and then threw it on the floor in the middle of the store and walked away. Ten minutes later, he came back acting like nothing happened and tryingg to make peace.
tonight, i had enough. he got home upset because i had not made him dinner and he said the apartment was a mess. I started cleaning and tried to talk to him but he turned up the tv and was rude. When i asked him to turn down the tv he was rude and told me to stop picking a fight. He then told me that if i wasnt going to cook or clean what was i there for. He then said the apartment and everything belonged to him so i should just leave. I grabbed my stuff and left, then i realized i had left him the keys to MY car and went back for them. He refused to give them to me hid them, and told me to just leave. I started looking for the keys and he got upset and started yelling uncontrollably that i was making a mess and to get out. After a while he went over the edge, threatened to call the cops on me, threw a table, and then shoved me out the door and locked the bolt behind me. I am so embarassed and angry I cant even think about it.
so now i just dont know what to do. Theres been so many warning signs and voices in my head, long before we got married, telling me to leave but i just feel like ive invested so much in this relationship. Nit to mention divorce is a no no in my family and id feel like a complete failure. Im angry and humilated, i dont even cry for him anymore i just feel annoyed and embarassed for him everytime i think of him. I feel like ive already given him so much and lost so much of myself to keep wasting my time with a crazy person. On the other hand, his mother is 100 times crazier and i understand that if hes like that a lot of it is because he never had a good example of what to see. I just feel lost and angry.
If anyone is still reading, m sorry for the long post. i guess i just needed to let it all out