Post # 1
My best friend is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid. It’s a destination wedding and I knew it would be expensive… I just don’t think the other girls in the party are on a budget. I say that because their suggestions are all extremely pricey, and my friend (the bride) just keeps saying “You guys decide. I don’t care.”
She’s been very hands-off in the planning process and it’s making me feel like the bad guy when I speak up about the astronomical costs.
When the other bridesmaids have ideas, they’re all very expensive (do we really need special dresses, bottle service and limos for the bachelorette?). I’m trying not to piss everyone off, but I can’t afford all of this extravagance. Especially when I have to fly in for the bachelorette.
Granted, I’m not broke, but I also don’t want to spend any more money on this wedding. Between the dress, the bachelorette (flight, hotel, limo,dinner, etc), gifts, and the wedding itself, this is costing me over $3000. That’s a lot of money to me.
When I got married, I paid for my friend’s travel expenses, and didn’t ask her to pay for any of the bachelorette costs. I let her choose her own dress within her budget.
I’m feeling pressured into spending the money just to keep the peace (and not create drama), but it’s making me resent my friend. What would you do in this scenario?
Post # 2
um… $3,000 is astronomical. A limo is not outrageous for a bachelorette, how much could that be each $40?
Where are you getting the $3,000 breakdown from? Please list…
Post # 3
yellow7404: I believe she means the whole wedding as its a destination wedding on top of traveling for the Bachelorette.
AnonymousBBQ: that’s ridiculous! I can’t imagine asking my closest and dearest to fork out that kind of cash for my wedding. I’d stick to your guns about the expenses and don’t next them push you into things you’re not comfortable paying for.
Post # 4
AnonymousBBQ: eek that sure is expensive!! Are you friends with the other bridesmaids or just the bride? I would never let my bridesmaids spend that much for our wedding!
I think you definitely need to speak to them about it, whether that’s the bridesmaids or the bride and just explain that you too want this to be a really special time and you don’t want to be a party pooper but the price is just getting a little out of hand. Perhaps one of them is feeling the same way but like you, is worried about speaking up? in group scenarios its easy for these things to get out of control!
I really don’t think you should be expected to spend that much (granted theres not much you can do about travel expenses as it is a DW) but especially because of this, the bride in particular needs to make sure your other costs aren’t getting out of control! I completely understand how it can feel awkward having those conversations but I think in this case you may have to!
Post # 5
AnonymousBBQ: I feel you — that’s why I’m no longer friends with that particular bride’s BMs.
Post # 6
AnonymousBBQ: Have you told the other BMs about your concerns? It sounds like you are silently going along with it, and fuming.
I would never plan an expensive bachelorette unless every single other girl was ok with it. Maybe these girls are considerate, and will back down if you express your concerns. So speak up! Tell them a destination bachelorette is too much when it is already a destination wedding.
If that doesn’t away them, I would back out of the bachelorette. (Simply “Since you girls are still set on a destination bachelorette, it’ll have to be without me.” End of discussion). If the bride is a true friend, she will understand (realising that you have already spent more than enough on her wedding already).
Post # 7
@Miss_E_xx @tksjewelry Yes, sorry, should have clarified.
- Flight and hotel for wedding itself: $2000
- Flight to bachelorette: $300
- Bridesmaid dresses and shoes: $200
- Shared bachelorette costs (limo, hotel, dinner, cover, table and bottle service at club): $250
- Dress and gifts for bachelorette/shower: $100
- Wedding gift: $200 (I would normally do much more than this for a best friend… 🙁 )
Post # 8
How would your friend feel about you not flying in for the bachelorette? I would fully understand if a friend couldn’t make it to my bachelorette because getting to that location involves flying. Especially as you will be flying to the wedding.
If she didn’t mind, I would honestly just skip the bachelorette- that will help a bit with costs.
Post # 9
AnonymousBBQ: Given the cost of attending the wedding itself, I think you are fully okay to skip the bachelorette (and thus all of the associated costs) entirely. I know you feel like you have to partake if the other BMs can, but you *really* don’t. Attending a bachelorette party is optional. If the bride is at all reasonable, I’m sure she’ll understand.
Post # 10
AnonymousBBQ: wow! this wedding is getting crazy. i would never ask or spend that much on someones wedding. thats like half of what i spent on my whole wedding!!! or what i estimated it to be 😉 my MOH was broke. i knew it and it was something she couldnt really just say in front of all the girls… no one wants to say stuff like that. so i could see the hesitation in her face when some things were mentioned. you should tell the bride. or i would since she is your friend and one of the BM that you know you can trust and confide in. This has got to be soemthing they would understand. as a bride i didnt expect gifts from my BM who had to travel to my wedding (thats what i did) who threw me my batch. party and shower.
if i were you i would just tell the bride… she is your best friend right? i know shes in involved with the process but she needs to take care of her BMs. Or the MOH (depending on how much you know her) the MOH should be the head party planner and you should tell her what your limits are. e.
Post # 11
AnonymousBBQ: I would just back out of the bachelorette if your flights are refundable (or if you haven’t bought them yet). Of course, you shouldn’t have to give an excuse, but I’ve been using the ‘I have lots of weddings this year and my wedding budget is used up already!’ excuse. If the bride is a reasonable person then she’ll understand.
Post # 12
AnonymousBBQ: $3,000 IS alot of money. I know how difficult it is to speak up when it comes to concern over money spent. I was in the same situation when I got asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding. I spent close to $1,000. The bride had two other bridesmaids, both family members. One was reluctant to chip in for anything, the other was unemployed and couldn’t afford much so the bride ended up graciously fronting money for her dress, makeup/hair. All in all, I helped throw a bridal party, gave a present, paid for my dress, shoes, make up and hair and also gave a wedding present. I did itwillingly because I was helping a friend celebrate a life choice. If I had to spend anymore than I did, I probably would have said something. At one point, the bride suggested having a destination bachelorette party. I told her early on that I couldn’t and she was pretty upset but it is what it is. If your friend is a true friend, then she would understand your concern over these financial issues. You’re here mainly to celebrate her life decision…you’re not there to help fund it. Good luck with your situation, hope it all works out!
Post # 13
$3000??? That is CRAZY. I would say something to the bride, dude. That’s not a normal amount to spend on a bachelorette party.
Post # 14
That’s an insane amount of money to spend on someone else’s wedding. I would have a heart-to-heart with the bride and also the other BMs and just be honest. You should in no way, shape, or form, be expected to shell out that kind of money.
Post # 15
Why is the flight & hotel for the wedding so ridiculously expensive? Is it on the other side of the world? Geez.