Post # 1
So, quick backstory.
I had a “Cocktail Creation Party” on Friday night as my birthday party, and invited all the local friends invited to the wedding to come play around with mixers and come up with a “signature cocktail” for our big day. The winner has grapefruit juice and rosemary as the secret ingredients (delish!), but I digress.
So anyways, I walked downstairs outside to help a friend who came late find a parking spot. As we were walking back inside, I saw $40 on the ground. Just on the street, and there was literally no one around, so it wasn’t like I had a place to turn it in. So I picked it up and put it in my pocket, and thought we could use it to buy pizza for the guests that night. Out of a courtesy to my guests when I got back, I asked if anyone was missing $40. My BM in question pulls her zipper-ed wallet out of the bottom of her huge tote bag, and says “I thought I had $40 in here earlier, but now its gone…its probably not mine though anyways.” So I shrug and put the money on my dresser in my bedroom. My friend I had just met downstairs confirmed that I put it right on my dresser next to my jewerly dish.
Fast forward an hour when the pizza arives, and I go to get the money of my dresser. It is gone. I looked all over, but it was no where to be seen. In that hour, the only person that went into my bedroom was my one BM (there were only 10 people at this party, including FI and myself, so it wasn’t exactly hard to keep track of people). When I exclaimed “the money is just gone!,” the BM all of sudden had all these theories about where I had put it. “Oh sweetheart, I’m sure that you just put it somewhere that you thought was a safe place or a good place to stash it and just can’t remember right now.” I wanted to tell her that I was positive that I had put it on the dresser, but I was so shocked at what I thought had happened that I didn’t say anything, and I just sort of avoided her for the rest of the night.
I’m really not upset about the money, because it was a windfall I had just come into anyways, but I’m just shocked that she might have done this. Its just werid. The thing is, I don’t know what to do. If I ask her about it and I’m wrong, she’ll be super offended that I thought she could do such a thing. But the truth is that if she did do it, I don’t really want to be friends with someone like that… I just don’t know how to proceed.
Fi and I cleaned the apartment top to bottom the next day. Money was no where in sight. Help?! Please?!
Post # 3
I would let it go. I know you have your suspicions, but what if you’re wrong? Then you lose a friendship over accusing someone that you’re not 100% certain stole your money. If it were me, I would definitely let it go, but I’d keep my eye on her in the future.
Post # 4
Given that you were going to keep it rather than turn it in to the police or post an ad in the Lost and Found of the newspaper or something like Craigslist, I would suggest you drop it.
Post # 5
DO NOT jump to conclusions. I find that things that seem like the only plausible explanation are often wrong. And, unless this is a trend, it’s not worth ruining your relationship with your bridesmaid over this. And if you accuse her it will certainly damage the relationship. Espeically since you have no proof and might, in fact, be wrong about her taking it. Maybe keep an eye out in the future to see if something like this happens again, but I wouldn’t bring it up unless I had some really hard proof. But then, I don’t really like to rock the boat unless I think it’s necessary, and it sounds like this wasn’t really a big deal, financially speaking.
Post # 6
I can totally understand because the point to me would not be if I FOUND it or not it’s the fact you think she took something and then lied about it. Yeah keeps your eye on that one and makes sure doing any other events no on lease their things unattended. If someone will take a lie about just 40 bucks it’s 50 times more than before possible they will take again.
Post # 7
@julies1949: This, exactly!!
Post # 8
I agree with others that you should just let it go. She’s not going to come clean if she did take it, and if she didn’t, then you’re just accusing her of something for no reason. There is no resolution in discussing it. Someone stole $25 dollars out of mine and my SO’s bedroom durring a party last year. We wrestled with it because we’re 90% sure we know who it was, but to judge him without being 100% would be unfair, and confronting him would be useless. We decided the minute he gets CAUGHT red handed stealing from anyone, then we’ll take a step back from the friendship.
I have to disagree with @julies1949. Not posting an ad in a newspaper or craigslist doesn’t have much to do with this issue. Do you know how many people would respond to a public ad stating “Found $40. Please contact me if you’re the rightful owner.” I bet hundereds. It would benext to impossible to seek out the person who’s pocket this really fell from. So long as you asked the girls inside, and would intend to cough up the money had one of your neighbors mentioned losing $40 I think it’s fine.
Post # 9
It’s your choice whether to distance yourself or not from this friend, but since you’re operating on a hunch, since the money wasn’t yours to begin with, since this is a BM of yours:
$40 is so not worth it.
Post # 10
@KoalaWalla: When you post a Lost and Found Ad, you obviously don’t state the amount of money.
You would just state the general area where you found it. The claimant would have to be able to specify where they think they lost the money and what the exact amount was.
This is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, and certainly not worth jeopardizing a friendship over.
Post # 11
Suspecting that a friend stole from you is a horrible feeling (I’ve been there myself). Still, without proof you can’t really say anything without jeopardizing the friendship.
Post # 12
I agree with the others, let it go. It was only $40 – not much in the whole scheme of things. Certainly not worth losing a friendship over. And she could be completely innocent anyway.
Post # 13
@julies1949: who is really going to turn $40 in? that is just silly!! its not a huge amount of money and thats not the point, not like the person who found it stole it. I think this is sad b/c she probably did take it but you can not prove it 🙁
What a terrible feeling… just keep an eye out for the future and be aware of things she may do. If bad things like this keep happening you will have to end the friendship, but for now to try let it go! obviously the ammount of money is not the factor its the fact that you lost some trust in a friend, even if it had been $1 it makes you question your friend and leaves a bad taste in your mouth 🙁
Post # 14
@Future Mrs K: I would turn $40 in. If no one claims it within a defined period of time , the police turn it back to the finder. You never know, that $40 could be the last $40 a single mom has for groceries to last till the end of the month.
I guess I was raised differently.
Post # 15
Thanks ladies. Like I said in my original post, I’m not upset about the money at all. That’s not the point. I’m just upset that someone I consider a friend (someone in the room took it, because money just doesn’t disappear) would steal from me.
I won’t say anything or distance myself; I’ll keep it in mind in the future.
Post # 16
I don’t know….I may have to disagree with the other PP’s. If a friend of mine, especially a BM stole anything from me (whether I found it or not, it’s still stealing because she took it from your room without out asking) I would be so upset I don’t know if I could keep quiet.
I just know that it would eat me alive until I said SOMETHING.
What I would do is bring it up casually and just say something like “So, yea about that money being taken from my room. Totally creepy, right? I know I put it on my dresser. I just keep replaying over and over again where it could have gone. SO weird!”
But I know that is just me.