Weddingbee boards

I never post anything material..but yeah I think my bm's hate me. I don't know why though... I haven't made crazy requests of them like some of the ones I was subject to... I just moved here and we're getting married here. So I know that travel costs went up by like 1000%. To compensate for that I have paid for their dresses, their shoes, their makeup and hair. And also of course feeding them and their spouses for 3 days. My mom and I are paying for my shower because I want it to be nice and I don't want them to have to pay for it because plane tickets alone can get up there. I have secured them (and my other guests) flight discounts and have even offered to let my MOH use my airline miles to get a ticket for the wedding flight. I have sent out a total of 3 mass emails to them (there are only 3 of them).. asking for their feedback on things. They either send me 4 word sentences (i kid you not) or don't even respond. And then when I call they don't answer. I just don't understand it. Am I doing too much... My MOH is the worst offender.. she only emails me at work (with the 5 word max sentence) .. and won't answer her phone after 5 p.m. I mean these girls didn't used to be like this.. I am just trying to see what I can do differently? I *have* supported each of them in their big day.. why is it when it's my turn there is like no nothing? I find myself sharing the stuff I want to share with them or ask them with the event decorator (i love her).. I mean I have been in a few weddings and I have always tried to help or at least be an ear for the bride. How come I'm not getting that back?  I don't want to say anything to them because I only picked my 3 closest friends (or so I thought) because I didn't want any drama. So if any of them back out.. I'm stuck with a dress and shoes that probably won't fit someone else. I just feel like disappointed.

Vent over.

Hey toaster.. No, I haven't. I'm scared to death they may take it the wrong way and try to back out.. but it's like it just hurts my feelings .. I want to say something to MOH because she just also made a big move (so either way she was going to have to travel after saying yes to being in the wedding)... but it's like email has no tone.. (can RaRELY get her on the phone) it won't go the right way and somebody will not be a happy camper. So I'm just keeping quiet.. My FI friends have been wayy more vocal and always offering to help...who woulda figured it.. and they're dudes!!!

well I guess you're right...  but I have invested a ton in getting their garments and shoes.. but if it comes down to the come down.. lol.. I have no problem walking the show alone.. I just have never heard of such and I have been in 7 weddings... and if I can tootmy own horn (not that I ever do).. I have had to pay for ELABORATE 100 people bridal showers and tiffany favors as gifts .. 400 Vera Wang BM dresses .. and its like I knew that the  $ thing causes so much friction in weddings and you sometimes lose a friend.. (been there done that) so I have tried so hard to be the anti-zilla. But I guess it doesn't matter.

Thanks ladies for your input!

Well it's official.. they hate me. I have 1 bridesmaid left.

MOH left in April citing it was too stressful because I wanted it to be perfect (um what bride doesn't.. but the burden was on me.. I didn't ask them to do anything) and it was too much stress for her and she couldn't deal.  Said she would pay for the dress and shoes and hasn't. I told her not worry about it.

For my shower my mom paid for everything.. the maids just showed up. Administered two games and sat and ate like everybody else. Oh and BM2 bought a cake that for like 10 people for 32 people. The restaurant people must've went in the back and made magic happen.

Both of their daughters were the flowergirls and I asked them to purchase the dresses for them. One I don't think ever ordered it, but pretended she did and has said its been coming for "3 days" since April. I know that she never ordered it.

I sent emails about things that they never responded to. I texted.. they told me after the shower they would take me out..let me travel all the way there (had to fly) and then they told me when I got there.. uh they had other plans.. but when I emailed to ask if it was still on before I left... no response.

BM1 sent an email today to say that she could no longer be in it.  I was her MOH and have had thrown her two baby showers (one while I was a broke college student!) and when she finally got married I did it up big for her on each front bridal shower and bachelorette party. I know that her and BM2 have probably been in discussion.. who  I've not heard from since alleged shower date.. but whose sister texted to me "she doesn't want to be bothered right now"... So I sent them both an email saying that they were relieved from their duties in my wedding.

Now 3 weeks before my wedding.. $2000 worth of dresses and shoes and accessories down the drain..but even more so i am so hurt. I have been crying all day. Went out of my way to do things so that they wouldn't have to... held my tongue ... overspent my budget to do for them. I was held bridal hostage to not say anything to any of them just to keep them in the wedding.. but why.. as long as Mr. Fabulosity and I get married.. that's all I care about at this point.

I don't think I would've ever imagined this. Stand in BM3 bought her own dress.. had it rushed... bought her shoes... and has truly been a real friend.. and I have not even known her that long.

Do you guys think it will look crazy just to have 1 Bridesmaid and 2 groomsmen?

I just never imagined this.. I am just revisiting everything that I said and I don't see where this is coming from.

It was definitely a case of doing too much. I know that.. but it's like I think being in so many weddings before your own impairs you.. and you try to "anticipate" the things that willl go wrong and preven them.... and you just can't. I guess you just have to let them happen.

I also gave 1000% when I wasn't the MOH to each wedding because I generally felt honored that people chose me to stand up... but I guess that is not how they felt...

There are two sides to every story but GOSH I would sure like to hear theirs... BM1's excuse was so cryptic.. but I knew what the underlying issue was ... $ to travel.. and not having bought her daughter the flowergirl dress.

Which reminds me that  I better find a stand in flower girl and quite possibly a ring bearer.

Yeah I have definitely learned my lesson. I thought they were my closest friends.  Not that you can judge friendships in $.. but since BM1's children have been on he earth I have not missed a birthday or a Christmas for them. I just wouldn't do that because I thought that was what friendship was. Being caring and filling the gaps. She didn't even bring me a gift to the shower.. not that I cared.. but I didn't do that for her.. I paid and still brought a gift because I knew what she wanted.

I see maybe it was just one sided because I would never ever do any of them this way. But thank you guys.. for being an outlet.

Mr. Fab really doesn't understand it..and how it hurts me. He says at least we know now instead of 7/2.. but that doesn't make me feel any better (not today anyway!)

Yes, I am probably "soft" but these were my friends for minimum of 16 years... and I didn't realize that I had to be guarded. But  I know now. I should've just said.. this is where its gonna be.. yes or no.. this is how much the dresses are..yes or no.. this is what you are required to do.. yes or no.. but that sounds so ugly and I could never do that to "friends". But now I am making excuses for myself.. but for sure my upper lip will be way more stiff. Just hurts now.