- 9 years ago
Yikes! FI and I got into our biggest fight ever last night, the latest in a series, about wedding planning! I am at my wits end here. Let me give you some background…
FI and I get along really well. During 2 and a half years of dating, we’ve never really fought. We may disagree or get testy every once in awhile, but no real ‘fights’. One thing that I’ve always loved about him is that he is so rational in the face of a problem. He stays calm, considers all angles, thinks it through. He is my rock.
NOT when it comes to wedding planning, though! We can’t agree on anything – big or small ceremony, formal or informal reception, bridal party or no bridal party. He wants what they call an ‘un-wedding’, with none of the traditional stuff. I want a more traditional wedding. The idea was that we would compromise and both give and take to combine our ideas.
Except that is not happening, and it has turned into this endless fight. It’s not the fact that we disagree – everyone disagrees sometimes. The problem is that on this particular topic, we can’t communicate in any kind of a constructive way! My super-rational boyfriend has suddenly become Groomzilla. He jumps to sweeping conclusions – any suggestion on my part is met with “You’re turning this into a huge production”, “You don’t care about what I want”, Essentially, it’s always – if we do anything I suggest then the whole thing is going to be boring and horrible, even though we are allegedly ‘combining’ our ideas. He’s gone all ‘My way or the highway’ on me all of the sudden.
I am just really frustrated. Of all the things for him to be so controlling about, I never in a million years thought he would pick our wedding! As a rule he could absolutely care less about this stuff, so it floors me that our first and only fights have been over his apparently passionate feelings on centerpieces. I mean – for real?!
I feel like the best advice in this situation is always “You guys need to sit down and have a good talk”, but we have tried that. We pick times when we are both going to be calm, and open, and sit down to discuss, and agree that we will both compromise. Then it just turns into the same stupid fight all over again, and when I try to talk about what’s going on, he just gets defensive (i.e., he’ll yell and then yell “I’m not yelling! You’re inventing this conflict that isn’t there!” or he’ll have a fit about all my ideas and then say “The problem is that you’re not compromising!”)
This is SO not like him! It’s like he has zero insight into his own behavior all of the sudden. Ack! What to do?