Post # 1
So…I invited a group of friends from college, and initially they all said they were excited about coming to my wedding. Then a few had to bow out due to scheduling conflicts, but the rest still told me they were coming. But just this week, after the RSVP date passed (and three more weeks to go till my wedding), I had three more friends decline. The problem: they all used the same excuse, a cousin’s wedding. Now am I being paranoid, or is something up?
I think perhaps since everyong has been backing out, the last three don’t want to come anymore, but they don’t want to tell me. Should I ask them what the real deal is, or let it go? I don’t really want to go accusing people of lying, but please…3 last minute invitations to family member’s weddings?? I don’t know what to do…
Post # 3
Sorry to hear about so many last minute declines! 🙁
The only thing is…what do you think confronting them would accomplish? If they are lying about having cousins’ weddings to attend, then it means that for whatever reason, they don’t want to attend. If you confront them, I suppose they could admit that they were lying and then attend your wedding out of guilt but do you really want that? It doesn’t sound like you are that close to them so I think I would just let it go.
Post # 4
Geez… how strange. I’ve also come across some people who say they would love to come to my wedding and who had previously said they’d travel to come to my wedding but now aren’t coming that it’s actually time to do it — but I’m not getting suspicious excuses. They are being straightforward, and I understand that they can’t travel. However, if it were a local wedding and the excuses were strange, I would be paranoid too.
I agree with the previous poster that confronting them wouldn’t exactly accomplish anything, but if they are truly backing out, as in, had said they would/could come and are changing their minds, I would just let them know that it upsets you IF it upsets you that they aren’t coming. If you aren’t that close anymore, you might just let it go and arrange another get-together.
You can say something like, "I was really looking forward to you coming, and I know you’d have a great time." Now, I probably wouldn’t stop there, and some accuse me of being passive-aggressive, so I don’t know I’d recommend it, but I would totally say something like this: "I know it’s important to be with friends and family during a wedding, so I can understand you’d want to be there for your cousin. If anything changes, please consider coming to my wedding. I’d love for you to be there with me." I sometimes get called out for making cutting comments like that, though.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2010 - Jewel Box in Forest Park and Windows on Washington
I agree, what would confronting them really do? You don’t want them to attend out of guilt, right? I am sure it is heartbreaking to have them back out, especially last minute. If you really want to say something, then I would just tell them that you were really looking forward to them coming to the wedding and you’re sad they will not be able to attend.
Post # 6
Yeah its def a shame when people say they would love to come and then dont or dont even RSVP. But its just a fact that some people are just not going to come to a wedding, no matter what their poor excuses are. But I hope and im sure you have more important people coming to your wedding that did RSVP. I had a few high school friends I was thinking of inviting that I havent talked to in a few yrs…but I figured if I havent talk to them in a year or more than whats the point?! Close family and friends who are there for you every day and would be there for you forever are those you want there to celebrate such an important day in your life. Good luck with them. I wouldnt worry about asking them because then it might turn into an argument and you dont need stress like that.
Post # 7
Yeah, I guess asking them about it wouldn’t accomplish anything…It is so weird that they are (or I think they are) doing this because we are very close and I would have thought that they could just be honest with me. Or at least make the effort to coordinate their excuses so they are not exactly the same!
Post # 8
I agree with the other posters. I’m sorry your friends aren’t coming but what are you going to do? As long as they remain good friends after the wedding and make an effort to see you, talk, etc. just give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ve also had situations with people RSVPing ‘no’ to parties and showers when I had doubts about their excuse but I just decided to enjoy my day and enjoy the company of the guests that are coming and trust that these people have good resons for not attending (even if they aren’t the reasons they said;))
Post # 9
If there is no underlying animosity in your relationship with these friends, then the only reason I see for people who were previously excited to “back out”……finances. Keep in mind that we are currently in some very turbulent and uncertain times. I am not sure where you are, but I know that when I lived in NY, guests were expected to give a gift of around $100 per guest. For a couple to attend, they might give $200. And if they had to travel, add that expense as well. It’s very difficult for people right now to part with any money when people are losing their jobs all around them. Try not to take it too personally. It might be a simple matter of their economic fears.
Post # 10
Sorry about the last minute declines. It sucks that they can’t come and seems to not have a strong reason, but maybe they are too embarrassed with the real reason and don’t want you to feel bad so the most convenient excuse is a relative’s wedding.
I really like what mary-alice-me wrote. I think that’s the best way to respond to them.
Post # 11
I’m assuming your wedding is coming up soon like May or June, and if it is on a Saturday then it can be likely that they all really do have other weddings to go to. I’m skeptical but it is a plausible explanation.
I wouldn’t bring it up because how many other guests who aren’t showing up are you going to contact? When talking about your wedding after the fact just mention that you wish they could have been there and leave it at that
Post # 12
This may have been a case where you said something like "I can’t wait for you all to come to my wedding!!" and they all felt they had to imply (or outright say) they were coming. Maybe they were trying not to hurt your feelings (screwed that up though). I think you should let it go. Whoever wants to come will come, and those are the people you’ll be happy to have around on your wedding day.
Post # 13
I have recently had a lot of people back out of coming to my wedding for no real reason. But, I know that with a lot of them, it’s finances. The economy is scary for a lot of people right now, and noone wants to say "I’m not coming to your wedding becausee I’m paranoid about losing my job and what’s going on with my stocks."