Post # 1
The poor guy has gotten a total of 5 hours of sleep since Friday. He’s been threatening to quit for months but I think he’s really fed up this time. We both rely on his paycheck to stay afloat. I don’t know if we’d be able to continue living in our house if he gave up this job and worked somewhere else. I want him to keep working there for financial reasons, but at the same time I hate seeing him like this. He hasn’t had a chance to shower or shave or comb his hair and quite frankly he looks like a bum (thank goodness he keeps deodorant and Febreeze in his work van!). Not a good impression to make when you go into a customer’s home. Should I ask him to stay? Quit? What would a good wife do?
Post # 3
@Aquaria: I’d tell him to quit even if it meant giving up my house. How is anyone supposed to survive as the walking dead? He’s probably only holding on because he’s thinking of the financial consequences. But living like that has to be torture. There are other jobs. Other houses. But if his health declines due to exhaustion…there’s only one him.
Post # 4
@Aquaria: Could you find a higher paying job? How do you know he can’t find a more enjoyable job that pays as well? I think you have to support him in whatever he chooses. Its one thing if he had to just keep it up for a month but if this is like a permanent situation changes have to be made because whats the point of having a lot of money if hes miserable?
Post # 5
Is he still refusing to let you quit your second job? If money is so tight that he’s telling you that you have to work two jobs, there’s no way I’d let him quit unless he had already found a new job.
Post # 6
What kind of work does he do where he gets so little sleep? Aren’t you already working 2 jobs, one of which you posted about him ‘not letting’ you quit? How did that work out?
If you’re a paycheck away from losing your house, I’d tell him to buck up and continue on until you become more comfortable financially. Unless and until he has another job lined up to transition into it immediately or you can afford for him to take a week off to regroup, I’d tell him he needs to get through it as best he can while looking elsewhere.
It has nothing to do with being a good wife.
Post # 8
@excitedtobeMRSF: I’m always on the lookout for a higher paying job – I think everyone is. Currently I work 2 jobs (1 full time and 1 part time) but I still don’t bring home as much money as he does. I’d like him to go back to his previous job. I know they’d take him back in a heartbeat. The pay isn’t as good but at least he wouldn’t be on call for 72 hours straight.
Post # 9
@Aquaria: I think there are a lot of variables. What do you do for a living? How much do you make in comparison to the local cost of living?
I also think you need to define “living in your house.” Are we talking a ritsy community where you would have to downgrade to a more modest living arrangement if he quits? Then yes, let him quit. Now. If you’re saying you would be nearly homeless and have to bum off of family members, then I don’t think he should quit until he finds a plausible alternative. Even if it is lower paying.
Post # 10
Personally, I have never quit a job without another one immediately lined up. It sounds like you don’t have a cash buffer, which means it would be financially disasterous for him to quit and explore opportunities without anything concrete.
Given that you’re working two jobs and he has to stay in a job he doesn’t like….can you guys downscale your lifestyle? Do you own your home or rent? I cannot imagine tolerating the level of misery you guys do just to hang on to a house. If it were me, I’d rent a more affordable place &/or find renters to cover the mortgage if we owned a home we couldn’t afford. To me, it would be worth it to have a more modest place and some quality of life.
Post # 11
I agree with PP that you have to have something else lined up first and a sound financial plan before he quits just because he doesn’t like his work.
Unfortunately the idea of a job you love that pays well is far more rare than we were all lead to believe in high school and college, etc.
Working hard at something you don’t absolutely love is often part of being an adult. It makes sense to try to find something that you don’t HATE, but you don’t let your family fall into financial ruin while you conduct that search.
It sounds like you’re both busting your butts to keep your family afloat…and sometimes that’s just what you have to do. Maybe you should both just focus any free time you have on finding a better situation for each of you and also find EVERY way that you can possibly save money so that you have a bit of a buffer.
Post # 12
@Aquaria: you should never quit a job when you dont have something else lined up. he needs to find something else and then he can quit.
Post # 13
@LoveBugBee: We rent a 2 bedroom house. Nothing extravagant. Downgrading in an area within reasonable traveling distance to where we work would mean living in a dangerous neighborhood, and I really don’t want to do that. As far as cutting down on the spending we really don’t spend that much. We don’t have time to actually.
Post # 14
Do you guys live in an incredibly expensive area of the country or are you just working very low-paying jobs? Between the two of you, you’re working two full-time and one part-time job.
Post # 15
I’d tell him to quit once he had another decent job lined up. I’d help him fix up his resume or whatever he needed but without that offer letter on the table he would not be quiting his job. When your miserable you find another job you don’t just up and quit.
Post # 16
I was going to post from experience (my husband quit in December as he was beyond miserable in his job too), but reading the other responses I realise our situation is rather different. We saved like the dickens knowing he was miserable. He stuck it out there for four months past his ‘breaking point’ so that we’d have six months of out-goings covered for his job-hunt period (he also toyed with going to grad school).
So, I guess I’m more on-board with your husband (in some ways) than some of the responders. Mine didn’t have something lined up when he put in his notice either. But the notice period here (not the US) is one month, not two weeks, so he did get something in that period. He busted his tail and was hired this past Thursday.
I guess I’m a little more accepting than some responders of bold decisions of this type. My thoughts were, he’s talented, hardworking, and miserable. If he can’t make a bold career decision when we have no mortgage, no debt, no kids, when can he? For the sake of me feeling ‘secure’ am I going to expect him to stay on auto-pilot as his soul gets crushed a little bit more every day in the long slog to retirement?
Again, I realise my situation has some fundamentally different aspects to it than yours. We don’t live as precariously, financially-speaking. Really just offering another perspective here. I agree though some of the PPs, don’t let situations you take real issue with fester for the sake of being a ‘good wife’. If I’d felt caught off guard by my husband quitting, you can bet there would have been a lengthy discussion session. All the best to the both of you.