- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
why dont you ask her out to lunch and just tell her what you saw and ask her?? i wouldnt make a huge deal about it till you know exactly whats going on :)
Well, that's awkward,
But if I were you, I would keep my mouth shut. It isnt your business, it is your parents'.
yeah definately ask her about it. be prepared for her to be pissed you were reading her emails though.... but i wouldnt freak out until you know what is REALLY going on.
I actually think you should confront your mom, for sure! Can you imagine if this comes out and your Dad found out you had some inkling and didn't say anything?? She may deny it all...which she probably will, but you need to ask her about it either way.
Well if she is using a family email account to carry on conversations of a questionable nature then she must know that someone will find them. I would tell her you checked that account to see if she had read a previous email you sent her and that you saw those messages. Ask her upfront what is going on and let her know your feelings. I would suggest counseling to both her and them (her and your dad) as a couple. Good luck!!!
Is your wedding coming up in August? If so, I'd certainly wait until after all the celebrations are done. You don't need any drama at this time. I think if you don't say anything, it will bother you immensely and be hard to be around both parents. If you do talk to your mom, make sure it's at the best time for you and have support ready for you after the discussion.
While many couples work out problems like this, be prepared for your parents to separate if your hunch is spot-on. I'm sorry you have been put in the situation. I wish you well.
whoa! yeah shes totally cheating.
i don't know if i would ever be able to trust her again.
I would keep my mouth shut especially with your wedding so close.
Do you really want to deal with all the drama with your wedding a month away?
I totally emailed the guy, asked who he was and if something is going on with my mom. At which point he emailed my mom and said he needed to log off.
I emailed him back and said if he doesn't respond that I'd be happy to discuss it with my father instead. My mom is in another country (usa, I'm canadian) with no phone camping. so I can't call her to discuss or ask her to meet or anything camping. And she had asked me to leave her keys to my trailer so she could set up her sewing machine in there and sew table squares for me. I feel so betrayed, for my father, my sister and I, all of those around her. sickened
Gah!
@Daisylynn: Ya I find it really stupid that she's using a family email we all have a password to. the email address is even mom2 (my sisters nickname). In some of the emails they are talking about my upcoming wedding. sick. I can't believe she'd discuss that with him. I looked again and she has deleted all the emails from him out of the account now. I guess my finding it was a timing thing.
I think this has been happening at LEAST a year though since the time before when I found the email was last summer.
The guys doesn't even have the balls to write me back. What a coward.
I'm so sorry honey!!!! I would have emailed him too if I were in your shoes. I would, at your earliest convenience, talk to your mom and let her know you found the messages and you messaged the guy asking what was going on. Let her explain everything and listen to her. While she is not in the right to have stepped out on your dad she does have feelings and she for whatever reasons felt they were not being met. Suggest counseling and try not to let this impact your relationship with her.... as hard as that is going to be. Good luck!!!!
@Daisylynn: She just emailed me about opinions on some shoes for the wedding (the identical email she just sent him, puke)
Should I ask her who he is? Is it ok to do it over email late at night? I'm shaking all over right now and I doubt I could sleep
It would take all the self control in my body to not say something to her right now. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
@Miss Giraffe: I am so sorry this is happening. I've personally seen what this can do to families and while I understand the PP stating it is not your business, I actually disagree. I feel that when someone cheats, not only are you cheating on your spouse, but you are cheating on your family to. They are being lied to, they are being betrayed. Hence you have a right to know. Honestly, I would have emailed him too, but thats bc it takes me awhile to process things sometimes and I am more a heat of the moment gal. I am not sure if emailing her is best, I beleive a face to face talk is more appropriate however, I am worried he might say something to her regarding your email and she might rather hear it from you. I know that is not a clear answer from me, but I am still wrapping my head around this. I am so sorry, not just for you but for your father too. I just dont understand affairs, I really don't.
Yes, honestly.. you need to get this out of you. You are her child and this is NOT your burden to have to hold on to and hide. I would ask her about it, tell her you know something is up, let her know you dont respect what she is doing and it is hurting you and your family IF it is happening and then let her be... At least then you know you dont have to hide the horrible fact that you even know about it in the first place.
Ive been in your EXACT shoes.. if you need to talk PM me
@Miss Giraffe: If you don't think you can rest until you know everything I would email her and tell her what you found and that you would like an explination. Email might not be the best way to talk to her about this, but right now it really is your only way. I would type the email and then read through it a few times to make sure you don't write/say anything that could hurt your relationship with your mom. Hopefully she will be able to give you some sort of answer to your questions.
Oh he just emailed me back saying how FUNNY this is and that they are old friends and he's sure my mom would agree it's hilarious. He didn't ask who my mom was, or answer who he was or where he lives or anything. I emailed my mom as well but got no response.
Old friends don't send messages like the ones they sent. Sounds like he has a guilty conscience, as he should! I hope your mom responds soon, although she may be in shock that you found out and is trying to figure out how to react. I hope your email prompted her to rethink about what she is doing and that she will talk to you about it and seek counseling. *hugs*
i'm surprised he emailed you back...and with such a stupid response. clearly you know there is more going on than just being "old friends" if they are planning secret trysts in trailers and such.
@Miss Giraffe: I hope everything is ok and that you and your mom have since been able to talk. Good luck!!!
How awful for you to have to go through this so close to your wedding.. I'm so sorry :( I'm sure it will be a long time before your relationship with your mother is repaired, but I hope you can at least put it behind you on your wedding day and still enjoy it!
wow that would make me even more mad him lying to my face! but then again what else would you expect him to say? confess to you? If it was so innocent as old friends why would your mom delete all her emails and keep it a secret adn tell him "i want you". I;m so sorry all this is happenening. i couldnt imagine..
This is crazy. I would talk to your mom about it in a one on one situation, let her know that you know and you dont approve.
Wow, I feel bad for your dad. I think since your mom knows that you know, you should wait until she is back to talk to her face to face. I wouldn't know what to do in this situation, but I think your dad should know what's going on, maybe not from you, but you should pressure her to confess to your dad, I feel for you, this is a horrible situation :( *hugs*
WOW. I would talk to her as soon as you can. This is probably just me but I couldn't even look at her at my wedding. She obviously doesn't understand the "sanctity" of marriage. I would be furious. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I hate cheaters... they disgust me. Best of luck to you and your family.
I know you said that your mom deleted the emails, but is it possible to take them out of the Trash and print them out. It sounds like all they are going to do is deny, deny deny. Show them you have proof. Your father deserves to know the truth and it should come from your mom.
Imho those who cheat will go to great lengths not to be caught, although I think your mom got lazy in this instance thinking nobody would access that account.
They do not sound like old friends. Old friends don't want each other and old friends can show the emails to their spouses if they are of the opposite sex. My FI knows I have male friends on FB and he sees what they write and what I do. I hide nothing.
My ex husband cheated so I kinda know how they work. Even with the evidence right before him, he would never tell the truth. I would level w/your mom, tell her you know it, and tell her its' unacceptable to lie. I also imho (just me) find affairs immoral. They hurt not just the betrayed partner, but kids and entire families and are imho a very selfish thing to do. Also, maybe refer her to marriagebuilders.com which does amazing work with those who are cheated and betrayed as well as great advice for those simply married.
I am so sorry for this timing, but finding out about something like this is never at a convenient time. Just stand tough and remember that they have lying junkie minds when they're cheating. They act like total aliens. At least my ex did and spiraled out of control.
Hopefully they can work thru this and maybe survive the situation, but it sounds as if from your timeline you provided, this has been going on for sometime.
Btw, if that dude has the cajones to email you back again, let him know that old friends do not encourage lying to their partners and say they want each other. Tell him you are onto him 100 percent and he should take this up with your dad.
According to the marriagebuilders site, affairs thrive in the dark, meaning they don't look good and are hard to continue when the cover is blown. I'd let their secret out and see how pretty an affair looks to a family and to the marriage partner in the light of day where all can see. Imho it looks pretty damn ugly.
Been thru it, felt all the pain, and lived to tell the tale.
My mom has cheated on my dad with two different men (yes, it's awful), and the first time I got caught in the middle when I made my mom do something about it, my dad knew I knew and I became the confidant for both of them while they worked it out. That is NO position for a child to be in.
The second time, when I found out, I told my mother to NEVER mention it to me and that I NEVER saw/heard/knew anything. When sh** hit the fan, I was left out of it and don't regret it for a second. They are adults and it's their business, that no one, especially their child, needs to be a part of.
Especially with your wedding comming up, I would avoid it like the plague. Address it with your mother for your piece of mind, and then leave it be.
I think you should forget about what you saw and stay out of it. You're the child she's the parent- what do you think calling her out on this is going to do to your relationship with her?
I know it's upsetting, but it's none of your buisness. You shouldn't be in her email anyway- even if it's to "check and make sure she got an email." Call and ask next time.
Your dad will figure it out and they will deal with it. I know this is difficult- I went through something not quite like this but similar. It taught me to stay out of my parent's private lives.
Thanks so much for the replies everyone! It's meant so much to me to get feedback on this because I really didn't feel like I could talk to anyone around me about this!
I did email my mother, because she is currently camping and she has no phone but she does have wireless internet. I think after thinking about it for about half an she finally replied
My initial email just stated I had seen an email from him, and she told me I'm just silly and young and don't understand how adults act (I'm 27) and that they are just old friends. Then I told her specifically what I saw, and mentioned the language about being careful to hide it etc, and that that was not innocent language and if what she was doing was innocent she wouldn't be going to great lengths to cover her tracks (deleting emails instantly, even from the trash, sending them around to different account, etc).
She replied to that saying more about how I'm silly and young and how my dad is aware that she has friends on the internet, both men and women, who she corresponds with, and not to worry about it and that I should see the humour. And obviously she wouldn't be stupid enough to have an affair using an account she knows I'd check (at this point I stopped replying)
THEN she emailed back saying she knows how this must LOOK to me but she can assure me that it's nothing. And there is no such thing as an online affair and that she's never actually spent time with the guy in person
THEN she emailed again saying that maybe I should stop obessing over thigns like this and leave it alone,
and then again that it was late and night and she needed to go to bed now.
Then around noon she wrote me a much longer email. She said obviously this looks horrible, but it really isn't and she understands that she's crossed lines here, and denying that I saw the emails last summer too. But then she brought up that she was sure I'd done things she didn't like as a teenager (which I thought was just cheap and random). My mom was always VERY strict about what was appropriate or not for ladies to do. I thought she would disown me when I moved in with my fiancee because it's "just not right". She offered to go to town and call me if I needed a talk, but honestly all I can imagine is some strained awkward conversation with her on a pay phone in a public place. She also told me she'd stop talking to him, but I mean really how on earth would I even know if she was or not?
Now I'm just feeling really betrayed and not sure what to believe. I feel like her story changed a lot from email to email and if she really is so innocent she wouldn't be writing so many emails to me, because she wouldn't CARE who I told. you know?
I feel so upset for my dad, and also for our family. I feel like emotional affairs are a real thing, especially if they last for years, and I just feel like I can't totally believe that they've never met. I feel so annoyed too because she said if it was a real affair she could have just left....... but I know she never would. She would probably 1. be too concerned about what people think 2. never ever risk doing anythign that would cause her to leave her grandchild, 3. she's been totally supported by my dad her whole life so I can't imagine her getting a job to support herself and 4. who even KNOWS if this guy is married too or what.
Anyways I'm kind of still at a loss here....... but wondering if maybe I should just leave it. For sure for a few weeks until she gets home.
Thanks so much for listening and I'd still love any comments, you are all helping me through this!
Oh gosh. This is a really tough one, and I honestly have no idea what I would do in your situation. On the one hand, this really is between her and your dad. On the other hand, you are her daughter, and she has betrayed you too... and maybe your dad deserves to know all of this.
I think it's really crazy that your mom is denying the affair so adamantly and trying to turn this around on you by saying things like you did worse things as a teenager. (Btw, it's kind of ok if you did do worse things as a teenager... b/c you were a teenager, not an adult, and you weren't *married* with *kids* to think about.)
I really hope for everyone's sake that your mom has truly called the whole thing off, but like you said, it will be really hard to know now if she is telling the truth. I think you're right that you might want to leave it for a few weeks and then see what happens and how things unfold...
People with a guilty conscience try to lay guilt back on other people, that's what I think she was doing when she said you've done things she doesn't approve of. I agree with you, emotional affairs are real affairs. I think you neeed to remind her that the subject you are talking to her about is her sugestive emails with another man and not what you did as a teenager. If it were me I would just tell her that you read what was in those emails and there was nothing in there that you thought was funny. I would tell her that you want to talk with her when she gets home and that should give both of you some time to think about everything. Until then though there really isn't much else you can do. She obviously didn't think she would get caught and is now trying to figure out how to spin things in her favor. Good luck and I hope you are able to think about other things and not stress too much about this!!!!
I agree with the PP about her having a guilty conscience. If nothing was going on then she wouldn't have sent so many emails and offered to go all the way into town to call you about it! Just confront her when she gets back and tell her that what she's doing is not right and she is not only betraying your dad but also you and your family! Tell her that things need to stop before your wedding or else! I will pray for you and your family and hope that your mom sees what she's doing wrong!
@skibobrown: I totally pointed out in my email that single young girls and married women are totally different things and that that's not the point at hand
@Daisylynn: & @pec1216: I totally agree about the guilty conscience and overcompensating and stuff
She sent me another email finally saying she knows she was wrong (but still that nothing off the net happened) and she understands why I'm upset and hopes I at least still love her, and I told her of course I do. She also then wrote me another long email about shopping for shoes and dresses with my aunt, probably testing getting back to our normal relationship.
I think I'm just going to leave it now. I feel like anything more right now would be beating a dead horse, she understands I'm upset and it's up to her to decide how she'll act from now on. I would hope she's being honest and won't continue, but I also won't be checking up on her anymore.
Thanks everyone for the support it's really been helpful and taken a lot of stress off of me being able to talk about it. this site is really wonderful!
Miss Giraffe, you have been on my mind all day. I'm glad you've come to a place of reconciling this with yourself. The ball is in your mom's court now. Focus on your upcoming wedding and what needs to be done and focus on your FH. Please accept "hugs" from a mother who thinks you are a honorable young woman. I admire your strength.
I'm so sorry this is happening before your wedding and can only imagine how you must feel. YOU are being the adult in this situation. I hope your FI is being supportive - focus on that and your friends and family that are supporting you. You are in my thoughts.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| rebwana | 26 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| fishbone | 26 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| LammChop | 3 |
| rebwana | 3 |
| eloping | 1 |
| MidnightSun | 1 |
| mightywombat | 1 |
| sara_tiara | 1 |
| JulesSchnooks | 1 |
| vlbee | 1 |
| WestieGirl | 1 |
| Ellegee | 1 |
Oh no I'm flipping out, now sure what to do.
Background: A long time ago my mom set up a "vacation" email account to see emails when she was a away from home, and she gave us all the password so we could all use it. So last summer I was emailing her about something (the subject was styrofoam) and I needed to see if she had gotten the email, and I went into the account. there was an email that said "re:styrofoam" so I clicked on it and once I started reading it I realized it was an email to some man, talking about how she missed him and even though she just saw him (they were out of town at the time) she missed him and loved him blah blah blah. I didn't know what to do at the time so I did nothing
So tonight I was having some drama with her cousin (see my other post) and I checked in the account to see if she had read my email. There was another email from the guy and I had to read it! Basically right now my parents are camping, and we had left our camper set up there as well because my sister is going camping there in a few days and there was no point in unhooking everything. My mom spends a LOT of time on the internet in the evenings at my home and my dad is usually downstairs where he can't see her. Here is the email. I'm freaking out what should I do?
HIM:
AWWWWW miss you too want you as well... i have no tv to watch lol ...well ii could go in the other room...
you got to be careful and i know you will...
tell me about your day...tell him you like to peace and quiet at the other trailer LOL
HER
Openings. He said there was no need for me to go to the other trailer tonight - grrrrrrrrrr, and I couldn't think of a good reason why I should. And he has not been watching tv till just now.
I miss you! I want you!
HIM
OK rough in terms of internet or rough interms of openings
HER
having a rough time getting on tonight....... hopefully soon