Post # 1
I mean, seriously! She must be! Either that or her wedding took place on another planet where traditions were all backward. For example, our new “drug induced opinion” from her is that the BP is not supposed to sit at the head table. The parents are. And a Sweatheart table? That is unheard of and tacky! Oh and We are not supposed to go table to table greeting our guests. ESPECIALLY while they are eating! It is just rude! There are so many things my mother thinks are traditions that just plain don’t exist or things I want to do that “aren’t done” or “innapropriate“. Colored shoes? I am out of my mind! I wanted my twin sisters as co-maids of honor- I must be going crazy. I wanted colored flowers for my bouquet- unbelievable. I have having 4 BM and GM for my 150 guest wedding- I am insane for wanting so many! That is a rediculous amount! Wedding shower 3 months before the actual wedding? Well now I am just being unreasonable. Oh, and my favorite of all time. “Why are you starting you planning a year in advance? All you need is $5,000 and a month to plan everything! It’s what your father and I did“…. This coming from the woman, back in April of last year right after I got engaged, that is stressing like crazy because “we only have 3 months left to plan and there is just plain too much to do“! I love my mother and she means well but… O.M.G. She is either on some serious drugs or just plain nuts!!!
*Disclaimer. My mother is not actually on drugs… I think. lol
But just to clear something up with her, are the parents supposed to be at the head table with the bride and groom (sans BP) and is anybody soing it this way?
Post # 3
No! The head table is usually the bridal party & bride & groom. Or you can do the sweetheart table like you said. However, if it’s causing this much discord, you could have your parents with you, too. Tradition doesn’t really matter, IMO – just do what’s going to work best for you. (But I will say, listening to how crazy your mom has been about this, I’d probably sit her waaay across the room, lol!)
Post # 4
I thought the head table just had the wedding party (Bride, groom, BM and GM), and the parents sat with the rest of the family at another table.
Oh, and try not to let the “$5000 and one month of planning” get to you – my parents did the same thing to me on my first wedding. Yes, it makes it stressful, but just nod your head and smile when you talk to them (and scream after you’re away from them 😉 ). Times have changed, it’s your wedding, do what you want, not what someone else wants (or doesn’t want)!
Post # 5
I’ve never seen the parents sit at the head table… ever. It’s always the bride and groom and their bridesmaids and groomsmen. I think a sweetheart table is romantic and a great idea.
I think your mom fits into two well-known mind sets.
(1) “My children should do everything the way I did it when I was their age.”
(2) “Weddings have to follow tradition.”
Unless she’s paying for the bulk of your wedding, you’re not required to follow her rules at all. Have you had the “it’s my wedding not yours” talk with her yet?
Post # 6
She is putting in a good chunk of change for the wedding. My parents have put in $5,000 and his parents will put in about the same. So when they say they want stuff part of me feels like I should listen but the rest of me says “No! This my MY wedding! It is what I am going to remember for the rest of my life! I appreciate your help but THIS is what I want to do!” lol
Post # 7
Oh lordy, it’s not just you 🙂 I haven’t had the energy and didn’t want to share my stress with you all with the stories mines given me lately. (But please see my prior post in Family regarding my mom going batshit crazy 🙂 )
The head table can be many things. Traditionally it is a long table with only the bride and groom and the wedding party all seated on one side of the table facing the rest of the guests.
More contemporary head tables are the bride and groom with some of the wedding party (and their spouses/dates) at a round table or whatever your guests are using.
It’s a rare wedding that has the bride and groom seated with parents.
I’ve been a wedding coordinator for hundreds of weddings and I can only think of 2 cases where that actually happened.
Generally I prefer the sweetheart table, as it’s easier for you to eat at your own pace (because you NEED to eat!) and visit your guests without feeling like you’re abandoning the rest of the table.
Your mom probably wouldn’t like my answers 🙂
Post # 8
You should tell her you’re planning to wear a colored crinoline. That would really get her going!
Post # 9
Your mom should come to my wedding and see my sweetheart table, 6 BMs and GMs for a 200 person wedding and colored bouquet while FI and I go table to table to greet our guests during dinner. 😉
Moms are just crazy sometimes, mine has said some very odd things during planning too… Seriously, my parents are helping to pay too, so I understand wanting to do what they want, but you have to draw the line somewhere. The wedding is a reflection of you and your FI and your mom needs to accept/respect that!
Post # 10
@jenbrandner: lol. I tried that. She about went into convulsions! I mean, she is even upset about the idea of black tablecloths and more that two wedding colors!
Post # 11
LOL. Sorry girl. I’d just nod my head and smile. Then bust out in uncontrollable laughter when she’s out of hearing distance. 🙂 lol.
Post # 12
I feel like I’m always starting my comments with ‘Well, in the UK…’ but here we go again!
In the UK we sit the parents, best man, maid of honour and obviously the bride and groom at top table. The rest of the bridal party usually sits amongst other guests but on a table close to the top table.
Didn’t realise this wan’t done in the US aswell! If you want to keep your folks happy just tell people you’re doing it ‘the British way’!
Post # 13
two of the weddings that i was a BM, i sat at a regular table with my friends and the parents sat at the head table. But, the third one i sat at the head table. i never knew which one was “tradiiton” until i came to weddingbee. however, at my wedding – with all my 19 guests – i have FOUR BMs and ONE GM!! originally it was supposed to 6 and 2, but some of them can’t come. Oh and since there are 19 people, i am not having a head table. i have 3 tables, FI and I are sitting with our parents and my sister. The other tables are not full and have our friends. so i plan ti sit down at each table for parts of the meal!
Post # 14
Cut her some slack. The most recent experience many moms have had with wedding planning was planning their own,
Things have changed. Instead of presenting your idea first, for example,why not email her pics of all the different colored bridesmaid dresses and shoes you have found online- something even more radical than your choice, then send her a pic of what you are planning. It may seem tame in comparison.