I think my mother and I are done forever.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you are in a bad situation.  I think at this point your Mom is thriving on the drama and will never be satisfied.

 

Is she usually wanting to be the center of attention?  I think maybe she is upset that you were the center of attention on your wedding day and her attempts to cry and whatnot did not get her any attention.  Now I think she’s just milking it for all its worth and at the cost of ruining your whole relationship.

Post # 5
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@RedRose1979:  I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I have had my own issues with my parents in the past. My dad, while we were growing up, would get angry about something small and then not talk to us for weeks. Literally weeks. So when I was old enough to move out, I moved out. Anyway. I’ve found when they start acting like that, it’s easier to just not talk to them – basically forget like they exist. Eventually, we’ll start talking again after wounds heal. I think the longest we’ve ever went was like a month though.

As far as your aunt sending that card, that’s ridiculous. I feel like she may be trying to stir the pot and make things worse between you and your mom. I would ignore that as well.

Don’t give up on your mom completely. Sometimes parents aren’t as mature as their kids. Just let it go until she starts acting like an adult. Don’t engage her. I’ve found this always works best for us.

Again, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. Fighting with parents is never fun, even when you’re an adult. I hope it gets better for you.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RedRose1979:  Wow!  Like, wow!  How incredibly immature.  I especially can’t believe how a grown adult would have the balls to send that card. 

You know, I’ve had so many of my own issues with my mother, and even more with my MIL.  I completely understand how draining and depressing this all can get.  Afterall, those are the people who are supposed to stand up for you and support you.  It’s very hurtful.

Honestly, I would cut them off.  She doesn’t sound like she’s capable of reasoning, she only wants to spin the truth to suit her needs.  She also clearly has no problems lying to everyone she encounters.  Every time you try to talk to her, she somehow seems to use it against you.  Why engage her anymore?  You’re the one who keeps getting hurt in the whole mess, even by the rest of your family.  It really doesn’t matter what you say, or even if you concede to her demands, because it seems like she just enjoys the drama and wants to win the arguments.  She seems to like the control.

How else is this affecting you?  Is it something you can look past on most days, or is it eating you up?  My drama is eating me up.  I’m seriously considering going for counselling because I don’t want my reactions to the wedding events to cloud every other event.  Maybe you could look into counselling to help deal with the emotions.  How is your husband reacting to all this?  I really hope he’s being very supportive.

Don’t go to Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other BBQ, etc.  You’re going to put yourself through hell going, and for what?  To sit around and hear how horrible you are?  So what if you don’t go.  Yeah, she’ll use that against you.  Whatever, because if she didn’t have that she’d most likely find another thing to use against you anyway.

I’m a firm believer in cutting toxic people out.  I totally understand how difficult that actually is, but in the long run, you’re the one who has to keep suffering and getting beaten down.  How is that healthy?

Just my opinion.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ignore, ignore, ignore.  Don’t feed the drama llamas.  🙂

Eventually they’ll figure out that she’s the crazy one, I promise.  And what are you really missing out on?  Spending an uncomfortable vacation with your mom talking shit about you in the other room?  No thanks. 

Live your own happy life.  Eventually she’ll miss you, or someone else in your family will and they’ll reach out and figure out you aren’t really all that bad.  Besides, if they believe all that noise, who needs ’em?

Post # 8
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@sourcandy:  +1, although I realize cutting your family out is tough, it sounds like they are just as ready to cut you out of their lives.  This is seriously crazy, sounds like you got engaged and something in your mom’s brain just turned on (or off).  I guess my only question is if any of your other family members have listened to anything you’ve had to say to defend yourself?  Can anyone back you up?

Post # 9
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@RedRose1979:  As someone who isn’t in contact with her parents, I think it’s time to pull the plug on this, even if it’s temporarily.  THis is pretty classic, getting other family members to side with them… at least, that’s how it was in my case and quite a few others I know who do not speak to their family of origin.

At the very least, some distance will help calm your nerves.  She sounds like a complete drama queen, as does your aunt.  They thrive on the conflict — don’t give it to them.  Don’t reply to texts, emails, or pick up the phone.  If you see them in public, smile, say “hi” and then walk away or claim you’re late for something.  Do not feed the fire.  

As the other PP said, I also agree with cutting toxic people out of your life.  I have no time or energy for people like that, even if it means having no family outside of my husband and children.  I really wouldn’t spend any more time on this relationship.  She’s obviously gossipping and making up stories in an effort to make herself look good.  Don’t give her any emails or texts to forward.  At least make her work harder to make up the stories.

 

Post # 10
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

This probably isn’t helpful, so I apologize, but if that were my mother, I’d wash my hands of her. She sounds not only manipulative and immature, but very toxic to your life. Blood doesn’t mean you should have toxic people in your life. 

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation!

Post # 13
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sourcandy:  spot on.

@RedRose1979:  Do your little brothers and sisters have email accounts? facebook? You can keep in contact there. You can also do skype/facetime if at all possible. It really is not the best, but nothing good will happen because of your mother.

I really recommend that you speak to someone about all of this. It is very hurtful to see “family” turn on you because of lies.

Post # 14
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@RedRose1979:  I had trouble seeing my younger sisters when this all started for me, but we’re all adults now, so our relationships are up to us.  I have a good relationship with one sister and I thought I did both until some events unfolded this week that I’m just sick over.

Do you have a family member perhaps on your dad’s side or something that sees your siblings often that you could meet them at their home?  

I wont lie, I cut them all out.  I couldn’t deal with how much I “ruined” my parents’ lives and how I had to hear how horrible I was on a daily basis.  As my sisters got older though, they understood why I left.

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