I think my relationship is falling to pieces. I don't know what to do.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@Claire324:  If you left, you might be miserable for a short period of time. It may be hard at first, but it’s important to think about yourself. Leaving and a short amount of unhappiness vs. staying and a lifetime of instability, criticism, and unhappiness. 

It sounds like you know what to do. Can you stay with your parents or a friend in the meantime? If so, I would calmly let him know that you are leaving because of xyz after you have packed and are ready to go. 

Post # 4
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Claire324:  it will suck for a few weeks but you need to get up and leave and start a new life without him.  you will find someone who can give you what you want and you will look back and realize you made the right decision.  it is really hard at first but the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the more time you are wasting. 

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Claire324:  You deserve better. Leaving will hurt, a lot, but it is for the best

Post # 7
Member
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Claire324:   At the end of your post you write “starting again on my own is just… so hard. “

Believe me, staying with him would be far more difficult.   Leaving will be difficult at first but when you start your recovery, you will feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off your soul.   *HUGS*  Hang in there.  Brighter days are ahead, but not with a man like that.  

Post # 8
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You’ve asked him to stop picking on you multiple times on multiple ocassions and he doesn’t?   Seems like he takes pleasure in hurting you and making you feel miserable.  Is that how you want to live the rest of your life?  Because, honestly, I doubt he’ll change if he won’t turn it around at your requests.  

Can you find a friend to room with or even consider moving home until you can find somewhere or someone to room with?  I would not let t his guy make me feel bad for one more second!! 

His behavior is spiteful, mean, and cruel.  Nobody deserves that.  Putting conditions on things, conditions only he can judge if you’ve met or not, is no way to get engaaged, get married, have kids, etc. 

Run for the hills, sweetie!

Post # 9
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like you’re ready to leave. I would be too. Do you have family close by that you could stay with temporarily? Or a good friend? Or even a cheap hotel? It sucks and will be really hard, at first, but it sounds like the best decision. Do you have any shared accounts or property – bank accounts, credit cards, cars, house, etc?

Post # 10
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Claire324:  Please look up ‘Gaslighting’ as it sounds like he is doing this to you. Making fun, saying hurtful things and then when you react and call him out it is put back on you as if you are crazy etc.

Post # 11
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Claire324:  and keep in mind the title of this thread-“my relationship is falling to pieces”. Not you, not your whole life, but just one part of it is ending. You do not have to be miserable and alone.

Post # 13
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Claire324:  well, he’s right about one thing – the relationship is definitely not stable enough for marriage. The fact that he mocks you or snaps at you when you tell him your feelings are hurt is pretty awful. I’m sure he has lots of good qualities but clearly empathy/compassion and caring about your feelings are not among those qualities – to me, that would be a dealbreaker. You guys should operate as a team, and have each other’s back, and you aren’t – it seems you both have your lists of what you need from the relationship and neither of you are getting those needs met. However, you are trying to communicate and work it out, but he just places all the blame on you and is unwilling to change. You both have to want things to change or nothing will.     

As others said, if you leave, yes, you might be alone and miserable – temporarily. Eventually you will recover, be ready to date again, and will go out and meet someone else. If you stay, you will probably always feel like this because he’s not willing to work on changing things. Is living with your parents while you get back on your feet a possibility?

Post # 14
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Claire324:  it sucks you made big sacrifices to live with him.  you didnt know at the time.  call your mom and start planning the logistics of moving out.  a good friend once told me, why waste another minute being unhappy?  if it takes you 1, 2, 3, 6, 12 months to get over what happened, then you should start going through the healing process immediately.  

your story reminds me of one of mine.  i moved from DC to CA for a guy.  across the country.  i didn’t know him very well, but i knew i liked him enough to not give him up.  i rented out my condo, flew myself and my cats to LA, and we lived in peace for a few months.  i couldnt find work and it was hard to make friends.  he didn’t care.  his parents sent him to boarding school at 16 so they could move to london, and it taught him to be very independent.  there were times when i would put the sheets over my head so i didn’t have to look at him.  i was embarrassed when i moved out.  i had to move back to my folks home.  but it was worth it because now im in a much better place with a much better man and a much better condo 🙂  you live and you learn and now i know what i want in life.  i joke about it and say i got to live in LA for 7 months, so that in itself was an amazing experience.  i really am proud that i was able to do it.  

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