Post # 1
We were best friends growing up and inseperable. People always thought we were sisters and her family treated me like a part of the family. They watched us grow up together and to this day her father calls me his daughter.
Our friendship started to drift apart after 10th grade when she moved away to a different city. I would visit her, but we soon started to have different life interests. She was into boys, drugs, and clubs. I was a virgin who liked house parties, concerts, and school events.
Although we would come in and out of each other’s lives over the years, we both still felt like we could come to each other for support.
But as the years went on I started noticing our friendship was a little one-sided. She could always call me up and cry to me about her boyfriends/problems, but when it came my time to talk she had to go. I just started giving up.
Recently she started making an effort. She invited me to family parties and asked me questions about my life. Last week was the first time I saw her in 3 years. Everything went well and I thought maybe our friendship could be salvaged and we’d become close again.
But last night, we got into a fight and I think it’s the end of our friendship. My arguing style is to be calm, stay on topic, and walk away if it gets too heated. Her argument style is talk over you, throw low-blow comments, and yell.
She said a lot of hurtful things, that I know she was just trying to say for the sake of winning the argument. I walked away twice and she kept finding me to fight again.
The conversation ended with her saying you need to get over it. I told her to leave. She said have a nice life then.
I guess I just need to vent. A part of me feels happy for standing up for myself. Another part feels sad that I probably won’t be able to see her family anymore. But overall I’m not entirely sure how to feel about our friendship ending.
Post # 3
@petalpetal: It doesn’t sound like it was very much of a friendship to begin with, sometimes it’s best to walk away from relationships if there’s nothing coming out of them. I’ve had to walk away from a friendship that started in 8th grade when I realized she didn’t put any effort if it didnt involve her
Post # 4
Oh good lordy, if I stopped talking to friends everytime we fought, I think I’d have none left. When you spend a lot of time with people and people have different personalities and some people have strong ones (me – I’ll admit it), people end up fighting and sometimes they say hurtful things. If you care enough to save the friendship, I would say that you give it some time to cool off and then you reach out to her and say that you don’t want the friendship to end or be ruined by one fight. Although, ask yourself if you want to – I’ve definitely gotten rid of friends when they’ve been one sided, selfish, negative, etc. I think friends should bring positive things into your life and if they don’t, then it’s time to ditch them.
Post # 5
It’s hard but sometimes you comes to find a friend is no longer a friend. I have a friend who had a boy friend and I was single. For 5 years we were “BFF” and we supported each other. Until one day I finally found SO, and 1 day….ONE DAY of being in a relationship she accused me of “cancelling her out” in favour of SO….ONE DAY. No saying how pleased she was for me to have found someone, no questioning about how he is, who is is, what he does, how we met. And then she gave me the silent treatment. And this went on for some time. I realised then how one-sided the friendship was all along. I was fulfilling her need for a BFF but as soon as she thought I was unavailable to her (though I would have given her the same amount of attention and support as before being in a relationship with SO) she effectively (to use her word) “cancelled” our friendship by accusing me of doing so. SHe didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself and call her out on it. I realised it wasn’t worth it; she was needy and patheric that she could just forget all the support I’d given her over the years. Why she was like this, I don’t know, because she had her SO all along too.
Lesson learned; people will just drop you like a hot rock. The thing to remember is to vlaue your own convictions or lifestyle, and realise you can build new friendships with other people.
Post # 6
I felt the need to walk away because it was at a family party (her niece’s baptism). I didn’t think it was the time, nor place to do this.
She is very insecure about her relationship and appearance (she recently put on about 30 pounds).
I was talking off to the side with her boyfriend and her brother about cars. She walked up and was a little drunk. I think she felt insecure that I was 1. talking to her boyfriend and 2. that the subject we were talking about was not something she could add to the conversation (and a subject she knows her boyfriend likes). She decided to start throwing me under the bus and making rude comments about me, I think to make me look bad and her look good. It was obnoxious. I changed the subject then walked away.
She later came up to me (drunker) and said if I have something to say, then say it to her face. (Um…what?). She was now being very hostile about it. I said she already knew why I was annoyed, and I didn’t want to talk about it. She then started yelling saying I was acting ignorant, that I was an embarrassment to myself, and to keep in mind this was her family party.
I decided to leave after that. Fiance was too drunk to drive, so we just walked to our car and he slept in there for five hours. In the meantime, I was on a phone conversation with my brother right outside of the car.
She decided to find me and tell me that I need to get over it. That she was in the right. I kept telling her to get out of my face and leave. That’s when she said fine, have a nice life!
Post # 7
She’s not the person you were friends with anymore. Maybe she will be one day, but until then I think it’s best that you’re not friends. It’s not doing you any good. It probably isn’t doing her any good either.
Sometimes friendships just have to end or go on an indefinite hiatus, especially ones that start during childhood. I’m sure that even though your friendship may have ended, her family will feel the same about you.
Post # 8
If you have seen her once in the last three years, then this friendship has actually been over for while. It happens. You just have to accept it and move on, and you both probably need to grow up as well. Real, grown women do not get into yelling matches or get drunk at a family event like a baptism. It was the right thing for you to walk away.
Post # 9
Don’t look at the quantity of the relationship (15 years), but the quality. This is not someone you need in your life. True friends raise each other up, not put each other down. I would cut her loose and never look back.