Post # 1
Before anybody says…yes I absolutely 100% know it was wrong and horrible of me, I don’t know what came over me, I’m not the kind who snoops!
I have major insecurity issues when it comes to my inlaws, I’ve always felt that they don’t like me, etc. I was with FSIL the other day and happened to glance over her shoulder and saw my name written in a text she was sending. I didn’t get to see anything else, but of course because I’m an insecure stupid ass I immediately panicked and thought she was saying something bad.
She gave me her phone later on in the day to look through some pictures she’d taken, and while she was out of the room, I scanned through her texts to see what she was saying about me. AGH I hate myself so much for that. Well I was engrossed in the texts (never found it btw) and she came back and startled me. I panicked and tried X-ing out of the messages. she asked if I was having trouble and I said ‘yeah, I think I pressed the wrong button and lost the pics, where are they?’
I have no idea if she realized or not and it’s seriously stressing me out. I know I deserve it because what I did is inexcusable. she wasn’t acting strange or anything the rest of the day, but it’s always hard to tell with her. Is there any way I can gauge whether she caught me or maybe send a nonchalant text that could explain why I was messing with her phone?? EEK.
I am so stupid. If she didn’t hate me before she does now.
Post # 3
@HerNameWasLola: Not to be insensitive— but this kind of made me laugh! Several years ago, I was CONVINCED my roommate hated me. I just always felt the vibe that she was talking about me to a mutual friend, and when all 3 of us were together I was somehow out of the loop. So– one night it was almost the same scenario you described. I checked the messages and lo and behold, I was right! I was so furious about the things said about me I outed myself and confronted her. I am happy to say we worked through the hard feelings and are still friends. If she says something to you– come clean and tell her WHY you did what you did ( I.e.– sounds like you two need a heart to heart). Be honest and respectful of her privacy moving forward. Last but not least– knowing what people may be saying about you can be very hurtful, don’t snoop unless you’re fully able to handle the repercussions!
Post # 4
She doesn’t hate you, and you need to stop worrying! She probably just said something about how she was hanging out with you. And she would not have just handed you the phone and walked away if there was any chance that she had sent a mean text about you. You really need to figure out a way to not be so insecure about her. Who even cares if she likes you (although I’m sure she does)?
Don’t say anyhting and don’t text anything. Just pretend it never happened. And don’t do it again!
Post # 5
Wow, I’m sorry but you totally crossed the line. I cannot even imagine doing this to my SIL or really anyone for that matter. I hope for your sake she didn’t catch you. This is probably going to sound mean but I don’t mean it that way at all – I think you should consider therapy to work through your insecurity issues. It’s one thing to snoop on your SO if you think they’re cheating on you, it’s another thing to go through your FSIL phone because you think she said something mean about you.
Post # 6
I know I know 🙁 I have no idea why I’m so ridiculously out of control insecure with these people. It’s bizarre and out of character for me, nobody’s ever made me feel this insure of myself before!
I’m really worried she saw something though! I keep trying to rack my brain and figure out how I was holding the phone, if she could’ve possibly seen the screen I had open, etc..it’s driving me nuts.
Post # 7
I don’t think there’s a good way to figure out if she caught on.
Either she didn’t, and you’re stressed out and feeling guilty (and acting weird, so she’s going to wonder what’s up) or she did and one three things will happen;
- She’ll pretend she didn’t notice – because she’s a genuinely nice person, she has better things to worry about, she sees nothing wrong with the behavior, or she’s plotting a terrible evil revenge (I’m kidding about the revenge!)
- She’ll confront you – nicely or in a “WTH?” kind of way
- She’s already talking trash about you.
I think you worry too much about your relationship. You were hanging out, she gave you her phone to look at pictures and she didn’t get all “WTF?” when you “messed up.” If I just tolerated some one because I had to – like a FSIL – I would not be nearly so patient. I’d never hand my phone over to a chick I didn’t trust or like. That’s power… you could have texted people pretending to be her and caused drama for her!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I think you need to talk to her and ask how she feels about you. My FI is also insecure and thinks my family doesn’t like him. My FI also went through my text messages (I honestly don’t think he was being snoopy or didn’t trust me because I tell him everything, I think he was just bored) but anyway he found a text I sent to my best friend/ maid of honor about my dress including pictures and that I was unsure if I made the wrong choice about it. Needless to say it started a fight. He was mad I didn’t come to him with this and that I wanted to buy another dress and sell my first one. I was mad he found the pictures of me in my current wedding dress and the other dress I also love.
The reason I didn’t tell him about the dress is because I was unsure what I was going to do. If I decided nope I loved my current dress and didn’t want to change it than what’s the point of bringing it up. If I decide to go with the other dress than I’ll tell him but he was wrong to snoop. And so are you. The only way to rectify this situation and your insecurities is to ask her flat out if she likes you. Explain that you love her like your SIL but you can’t help but feel that there is some tension between you two.
Post # 9
Ah yea the mother in law…. all to familiar. I know exactly how you feel, like you try really hard to be the perfect daughter in law but keep making ourself look foolish. I have had similar issues with mine (to be).
I decided I was just trying too hard and try to relax and remain calm around them (yeah right!) Just bee yourself and they will see why your FI loves you so much.
Forget the worry about the txt saga. Even if she tought you were in her messages, i think you covered it well enough. 🙂
Post # 10
DEFINITELY DO NOT send her a text explaining!
Post # 11
Yeah if any of my sister in laws went snooping through my phone I would be so pissed off. It’s quite possib The only thing I can add is just check yourself and stop behaving that way as it can explain how or why you may make them feel uncomfortable, or lead to them actually disliking you.
It’s sounds like you are paranoid and she probably didn’t write anything or could have wrote some thing innocent, like I’m with my sister in law. No reason to jump to conclusions that she talking shit. What does your Fi have to say about your behavior?