(Closed) I think we should call it off, he doesn’t

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope that the two of you come to a mutually beneficial agreement. I’m glad you’re taking marriage seriously though

Post # 4
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In the very least, I have an overwhelming feeling that we need counseling as a couple and individually.

I think you two would really benefit from getting pre-marital counseling now before you call off/postpone the wedding – it’s hard to know without knowing what the issues are if this is a cold feet thing that is fixable or if it is a serious issue, but it most definitely sounds like you should look into counseling ASAP as you decide what to do.

Post # 5
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You should go with your gut. If you’re unsure about it, then postponing the wedding is the way to go. Breaking up is a scary prospect, but don’t let that fear lead you into an unhappy marriage. 

Have you talked to him about your specific fears? Is he open to counseling?

Post # 6
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You are such a smart lady…I had reservations about my relationship years ago before I married my 1st husband…I didn’t make the right choice and married him anyways because the ‘wheels were in motion’.  I am just now at the end of an almost 3 yr divorce nightmare that has cost me thousands and thousands of dollars.  If I had only listened to my intuition and at least considered counseling before marriage I might have saved myself alot of heartache.  I am glad to hear you are taking things seriously and hope that you guys can work things out.  If not, please do what is right for you.

Post # 6
395 posts
Helper bee

As much as I don’t want to say this, it sounds like you need to postpone things. I don’t know what all your issues are, but it sounds like he thinks that getting married will fix everything. It might help for a little bit, but I think it would just be a quick cover up for a more serious problem. You mentioned in your other post that you want to see a counselor. Would he go with you? I really hope you rwo can work things out, but just remember (as hard as it is) that it’s better to figure things out before you’re married than to marry the wrong person.

Post # 7
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t know what the issues are, but if you’re not sure he’s the one for you, you should not get married.  Did something change recently or is it that you suddenly have given it more importance?  Are you giving it importance because it actually *is* important, or because you’re over thinking things out of anxiety about the wedding?

You really need to think about how you feel and analyze the situation.  Perhaps try to take yourself out of it and see it from a different point of view.  How would you feel if your sister or best friend were in the same situation?  Talk to someone you can trust and who knows you to see if they can offer any advice.

A wedding should feel right.  Starting off a marriage on the wrong foot or with serious doubts is not the way to go.  If he decides to not stick around (which is a possibility considering he may not want to be with someone who is not sure), then you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be.  Weigh your decision carefully, but his reaction should not be the basis for whatever you choose to do.

(If your past post history has anything to do with the matter, then I’d say call it off.  Things don’t magically change after you’re hitched.)

Post # 9
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

stick to your guns. My Fiance and I have made a point to deal with our issues head on before marriage…and though there isnt’ anything super serious there are some things I would feel like he was trying to avoid and minimize….but I wouldn’t let him and we came to an understanding on quite a few things.

I think it’s common for men to think things can be fixed later…that he will be on his best behavior after you get married…but the reality is that the honeymoon will be over before you know it. Speak now…or forever hold your peace!

Post # 11
616 posts
Busy bee

If postponing the wedding is the “beginning of the end” then so be it – what more of an answer do you need? Either it brings you closer together or it makes it more apparent that you aren’t the right ones for each other. Regardless, you get your answer and don’t have to wonder if you’ve made the wrong decision.

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