Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, got engaged last July, we booked a venue and set a date for September 8th to get married. In March I moved in with him to save money for our wedding. Ever since we moved in our relationship has become a big nightmare! We fight pretty much every day.
I should also mention that in January my sister who lived in a different city got a divorce from her abusive husband of 8-9 years and moved to my city. At that time I had already given my 2 months notice to move so my sister and I moved in with my fiance together. I think that may be causing part of the problem as we literally have no privacy it’s pretty much like 3 muskateers. To make things worse my sister just quit her job ( she was working under really horrible conditions) right after I rented a condo for her which means i’ll be paying for the rent until she finds a new job, so esentially there will be no money for the wedding.
The real issue though is that I don’t really think my fiance ever really wanted to get married. After engagement everytime i brought up the wedding and setting a date etc… he always tensed up and we had alot of arguments because I never felt like he wanted to do it, but he was just going along to get along… In March we had some major issues with his ex wife and daugther (which I posted about) and he was not willing to compromise even a little bit so I felt forced into cancelling the wedding. + the fact that he was always making a negative comments and we had to fight tooth and nail for us to have the wedding in september rather than Nov. so we could have an outdoor ceremony ( as if 2 months would make such a huge difference)
But that has caused so much resentment in me that all we do now is fight, and undrestandably he doesn’t want to get married bacause we fight all the time. I really don’t think I can let this go, and I don’t think we can just go back to where we were. I feel at this point even if he get married it wont have any joy or happiness in it it will be forced.
I told him I will move into the condo I got for my sister (along with my sister) so we can have some space and decide what we want. We’ll be moving May 1st. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants to get married but really it feels like those are just words at this poing to keep me from leaving…
It’s just such a hard time for me any advice or support would be appreciated. To make things worse we’ve booked a one week vacation to Cuba for May 18th which I dont know if I want to go to anymore…
Post # 3
@Starshine32: Moving in together changes *everything*, whether people want to admit it or not. When BF and I started dating, everything was peachy. We didnt plan to move in together until both of our leases were up, which would have put us at about a year into dating. But, at about 5 months together, we found out he needed to move across the country for his work/family, so we ended up moving in together well before we planned to out of neccessity.
Things got rocky pretty fast, simply because any and all of your habits come out. That, and the fact that you’re suddenly lacking personal space. We talked about it and a couple months in were back to “normal”, but my point is it’s rough.
Your situation is MORE complicated from allowing your sister to move in with you at a time when the two of you are just moving in together yourselves. What is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience with it’s own challenges is now probably just bothersome with a third party.
So, you’ve basically got alot working against you right now, but I personally think you should let your sister move out and the two of you stay together at the new place and give it a fresh start. I’m not saying it will fix everything overnight, but it should certainly help.
Post # 4
your sister needs to move out – you can’t deal with your issues when you feel like someone is always listening. he probably doesn’t feel ‘at home’ in his own home.
Post # 5
The really sad and annoying part is that I am the one that put a deadline and said my sister needs to move out by May 1st, he is the one that insisted she should stay longer until the end of summer! which makes me feel like he doesn’t really care about being alone with me at all…
Post # 6
Your sister and her divorce arent exactly adverts for a loving and long lasting marriage are they? let her move into the condo and give it another chance with your FI, go on the holiday it may be what you both need, if come June 1st you really cant be happy and he still doesnt want to get married then move in with your sister but i think you need to have some quality time together first x
Post # 7
I’m sorry you are going through this. I second what badabing88 said…moving in together changes everything. When FI and I moved in together we were fighting constantly. We worked through it though, but it was very tough at times. I think it is completely normal to have tension in a new living situation. It is a major change living with your SO! I would try and spend some time alone time with your FI and have your sister move out. If you can’t work it out after that, then maybe it is time to break up. I would at least try though especially if he is still telling you he loves you!
Post # 8
Have your sister move out on May 1 by herself. Take your vacation to Cuba and try to really work on things, just the two of you. If in a month or so things are still rocky, then move out. Moving in together is a very different and a change in the beginning. You guys haven’t be able to really deal with that with an extra house guest walking around.
Post # 9
I know he loves me and I love him too, that has never been the issue. He was just never that much into marriage and at this point i feel like even if we get married it will be cause I forced him into it there will be no joy or happiness associated with it. and if we are not going to get married I don’t feel like we can go back…
Post # 10
@Starshine32: Regarding the “he wanted the sister to stay longer” situation… No one wants an extra rent-free roommate. He loves you, and you love her, so now he loves her and is happy to help her get on her feet.
Nonetheless, she needs to go. You are in a transitioning relationsihp and you need a lot of privacy. It stinks she is going through a divorce, but that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your relationship to help her through it.
I agree with PPs: ask her to move out, go on vacation with him, and give it a couple more months. If you are still unhappy, leave, but right now things are so chaotic that of course you’re unhappy. Anyone would be.
Post # 11
Thank you all so much for the support.
Ofcourse you’re all right, it has been a very hectic couple of months. I love my sister and I am sorry about everything she is going through, she has been staying with me for almost 4 months rent free, and now that she quit her job things are a bit more complicated as well.. hopefully shell find a job soon.
as I mentioned I have rented a place for her for May 1st so she will be moving out. I will take your advice and go to cuba and try to work on our relationship, I guess if it doesn’t work out i can always move my stuff out at the end of May.
It’s just really reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hard right now!
Post # 12
@Starshine32: I don’t see this working. i think you moving with your sister is the best idea.
There is just so much that isn’t right with this picture, that I’d take it as a sign to move on.
That being said, right now, I’d be equaliy concernred with the financial issues you share with your sister at the moment…