I thought I would love planning – but I often feel miserable.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I understand how youre feeling. We have a 9 month engagement and I felt like it wasn’t enough time. Sometimes I still don’t. TV shows and Pinterest can give you a false sense of just how stressful planning a wedding can be. It is a very happy and exciting time but it won’t be rainbows and unicorns throughout the entire process. But, you’re not alone in having to deal with that. 

My one piece of advice for you is to make a list. Give yourself some deadlines for each task and go from there. Make a decision, remember how you felt about it that day and stick with it. Move onto the next task. Before you know it, you’ll be making serious progress. And it’s ok to take a day or two, or a week off from planning. 

Post # 3
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

To get married, you will need: 

1) a groom (check!)

2) a marriage license (usually you have to get that less than 3  months before your date)

3) an officiant and two witnesses

4) a place to do all that official stuff

and 5) probably it is a good idea to not show up naked.

So I know it is tradition to have a big reception, the fancy dress and the whole nine yards  – but this is YOUR WEDDING (along with your fiancé) and you get to do what you want regardless of anyone else’s opinions, so long as you pay. I would suggest that so long as you have those five things – if anything else is more stress than it’s worth? Let it go. Planning a wedding is not worth ruining your life over it!

Post # 4
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I’m going to let you in on a little secret… wedding planning sucks! lol i hated every second except for the shopping part (finding shoes, accessories, etc).  Don’t worry, everything will come together at the end and you will have a great time at your wedding.  hang in there 🙂

Post # 5
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

Have you considered getting a wedding planner? It’s not for everyone, but it sounds like it might be  helpful for you. That way you would have someone to help you make decisions and/or make decisions for you based on your general vision, and your in laws would be reassured everything was on track. I know planners are expensive, but if it will help you feel happier and enjoy the process more, it might be worth it.

Post # 6
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah you should definitely get a wedding planner. They are awesome and it will help with ur in law stress. 

Post # 7
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Your FMIL sounds like mine. It’s probably 100% good intentions on her part (trying to help you ‘stay on top of things’), but it gets annoying and overwhelming (and makes you feel less on top of things than you’ve ever been). Just ignore her and do it on your own timeline.

My guess is that EVERYONE feels this way about wedding-planning, and possibly especially people who were really into wedding everything beforehand. You get this idea in your head of how awesome it will all be, but then trying to actually make it happen becomes insanely difficult. I probably express my desire to just BE MARRIED already about 100 times a day.

When I get down about planning, I sit down and watch some comedy wedding movie/show. It’s good to have that reminder that there is no such thing as a perfect wedding. As long as you marry the person you love, and no one dies (a la Four Weddings and a Funeral), then it counts as a win.

Post # 8
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I feel you!! The advice that helped me: Get yourself organized (if you aren’t already)! (I made a to-do list by topic) Then chunk your to-do list into smaller items and celebrate getting them done. Find a good person to vent to, someone who listens but doesn’t let you vent for so long that you wallow in feeling overwhelmed. Try to let go of the decisions you’ve already made.  Hire professional vendors that you like and trust them to do their jobs well.  (even if you love DIY, wedding planners and day of coord. are worth the money if you can!)  

When all else fails indulge in Disney/ice cream/retail therapy!  It is rough at times (or maybe most of the time) but the whole process is actually worth it! 

Post # 9
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

ballerina-bride:  you can add me to the list of all these other women who are experiencing this.. You’re definitely not going at this alone!

Weddings seem like very mystical, magical things. They are, infact, the result of a lot of blood, sweat and tears. It doesn’t matter how you do it, it’s gonna suck a little sometimes. Such is the life of throwing a grand ole party.

Take me for example. Inexpensive, relatively simple backyard wedding with an extra reception space at a hall lwas than 200m away that was only $250 for the whole weekend. Taco bar buffet for dinner, popcorn for snacks, ceremony under the willow tree, lawn games and board games and music and dancing. Seems simple enough.

Every time I turn around, there is one more thing. And I have less than 11 months. I feel like it’s going to be over so fast and Im terrified it won’t be good enough in time. I feel ya. We only VERY recently decided on our bridal party. The guest list is still a work in progress. I have a colour theme but I have NO idea what I’m going to do for decorations, flowers, my head piece, anything specific. I have a broad image sort of but there is so frigging much to figure out specifically, it can definitely feel like drowning. 

You and I, and every one else who piped up, will et through this. Like a pp so aptly said, it’s definitely not always sunshine and rainbows. But it’s doable and hopefully it’s worth the stress!

Hang tight! It’ll be over before you know it 😉

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

I am with you. My wedding is in 63 days and i hated every single minitue of wedding planning. I have never run into a bride that enjoys the process.

Get yourself a really good person to help you, listen to you vent, and just be your shoulder. Make a list of all the ings you need and try to do them in the proper time frime. Unlike myself who hasn’t even ordered the flower girls dresses(but we won’t discuss that horror)

Everything will be fine.

Post # 11
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

ballerina-bride:  Same thing happened to me. Joy turned to stress when a friend offerred to bring over a stack of bridal magazines, complete with a list of 80 things I was supposed to do.

Wished I had told no one and planned most of it without anyone’s input.

A longer engagement will not help, just prolong the stress.

Hire a wedding planner, or plan something small, or ELOPE. Why do we put ourselves through this?

Post # 12
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

ballerina-bride:  I thought planning would be joyful, blissful and dream-like, and suspecting an upcoming engagement I also Pintrest-ed and fantasised all day at work..

But it was just a lot of stress, anxiety and worst of all, the cause of a lot of bickering and even big arguments between DH and I. We’d never argued until we got engaged but it was miserable a lot of the time!

Not all the time though, but the last 2 months before the wedding I’d NEVER repeat!! It probably didn’t helped that I moved and changed jobs twice within our 16-month engagement!

Post # 13
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

WEDDING. PLANNER. 

Post # 14
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

 

ballerina-bride:  I just want to drop in and commiserate with you!  I too am miserable from wedding planning.  I really thought I would enjoy it more than I am.  Logically, I know that this is only ONE day and as long as my guy is there to say “I DO”, all will be right…BUT I think some sort of temporary insanity kicks in once that ring goes on the finger.  I’m glad I’m not the only one who is not enjoying the planning process.  Good luck to you!

Post # 15
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I hear ya!!

I thought planning our wedding would be a great time, and some days I really just want to say forget and go to the courthouse (which I could still do, but all the money lost in deposits would make me cry). I fee like I’m being pulled this way and that way, and trying to make everyone happy with what they want and how they think I should do something – all while trying to be pleasant in advising that this is our wedding and not theirs (OK, so this really goes out to my mother). It’s tough.

I don’t want to be the bridezeilla, but I feel in some cases it’s OK to act that way. If that’s the only way you can get people to listen – it may just work!

 

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