I told my pushy MIL whats up!

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

MrsZapatos:  Good for you!!! You absolutely did the right thing, it seriously blows me away how over-bearing some MIL’s can be! We’re getting married in 6 months and so far I haven’t experienced that type of behaviour (there have been other future in-law frustrations but I guess that’s inevitable)

I would be putting my foot down too. She does not get a say, this is your child and only you and your husband make the decisions!

Post # 3
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsZapatos:   “No matter how many times I say I only want DH there…

It doesn’t matter how often you say it… how often does your husband say it? 

Post # 5
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsZapatos:  I’m glad he’s backing you up, but it sounds like he needs to be even more forceful.

For the delivery, perhaps best to talk to the hospital (or wherever you’ll be). At in my experience (Australia) there was no way any relative could go into the labor ward without my permission. If you tell them beforehand that your instructions are no visitors during labor except DH, I’m sure that’s enough.

Post # 6
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Slow clap.


Post # 7
4402 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

She sounds like my MIL in some ways. 

aussiemum1248 is right; your husband needs to be telling her what’s up. And not like he WILL tell her in the future, but now. He needs to speak up now. He can do it in a kind and loving way while still being very clear and firm. What she’s saying is not ok and needs to be nipped in the bud. The sooner the better, and it will mean a lot more coming from him. 

Post # 8
7 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with aussiemum1248:  “If you tell them beforehand that your instructions are no visitors during labor except DH, I’m sure that’s enough.”

MrsZapatos: Speaking with other moms that delivered at our hospital, they said the staff is very willing to come up with an excuse for guests to get out of the room if you wish. Perhaps ask this at childbirthing classes or at your next OB/midwife appointment?

Post # 9
7141 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was clapping for you while reading. Some people…

I’d pay to know what BIL’s girlfriend was thinking! 

Post # 10
437 posts
Helper bee

my MIL is amazing, but i know many that are not!

good for you – i especially like that you explained it in the simple terms of “you had your turn and now it’s my turn” because clearly she is acting like a child!


Post # 11
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013


MrsZapatos:  I am so proud of you! It takes a lot to stand up to someone like that. It will be interesting to see how things go from now on!

My mother in law asked me on the weekend “Hows our baby doing”. I responded with “Its my baby, not yours.” Possession is 9/10ths of the law after all!

Post # 12
6969 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Haha good for you!

Sadly this is not the first time I’ve heard of MILs acting like it’s their baby, round #2. They don’t call it baby rabies for nothing I guess…

Post # 13
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

MrsZapatos:  Good for you!

And this:

Well she brought up circumcism and also how she has invested so much in her son (DH), so she has 50% stake in the decision making regarding our future baby.

Wouldn’t that mean your DH has 50% say NOT her lol

Post # 14
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

MrsZapatos:  I’m going to keep my response brief, but I have former posts about my MIL being very pushy while I was pregnant. You can also PM me to talk since I know what you’re going through.

I will just say this…she could be just as pushy. I don’t know. My MIL went the other way: very uninvolved, distant…still gives he two cents and can be very pushy when we are with her, but otherwise she doesn’t press my buttons at all. Sometimes I wonder if she even remembers that she HAS a grandson. Anyway, just make sure your DH backs you up. Now that you’ve stated your piece, just keep reiterating it whenever she says something. “Thanks for your opinion” goes a long way in a lot of situations. When I entered into a few therapy sessions when I was pregnant, she told me to let my MIL feel how she wants (because you an’t change how someone feels), thank her for her opinion, and let it go. It does work, but it is very difficult. Your DH having your back is where it counts the most though.

Post # 15
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

MrsZapatos:  I wish I could high five you right now!!!!!!

Im in a very similar scenario right now and Im just waiting for the day I have my “MOMENT” lol. Im 18w and we didnt tell our families until I was just past 12w….my parents dont live here so they’re not in our faces, and my parents are a lot more layed back and understand the concept of boundaries……my IL’s? not so much. Culturally its the norm for them to have grandparents more or less RAISING the grandkids and well….. that wont be happening here. Just due to summer schedules and being busy we havent actually seen them much since we told them. DH talks to them a lot on the phone but I havent had to deal with it all too much yet…..but I can see it coming. There have been a few comments about certain things (although DH just says to let it go because they are just mouthing off because they are excited…and not to jump to conclusions until something ACTUALLY happens) but…. Im prego and theres only so much biting my tongue I can do 😉

If and when they continue to make me feel uncomfortable about something I will probably end up doing exactly what you did….although for me its MOSTLY FIL who’s the extra pushy one.

She also has ZERO rights to be in the delivery room if you just want DH…. where is your mom in all this? are you close? does she live where you are? are you planning on having a midwife or a doula? a lot of hospitals have a limit of 2 ppl that can be in the delivery room with you…for me its DH and our doula so theres no arguing its THE RULES …. maybe you can just tell her your planning on having your own mother (and explain to her whats going on so shes in the loop if MIL asks) or tell her your planning on getting a doula (she will never meet nor have any contact with a doula so even if you dont she’ll never know) …sorry, all the slots are filled.

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