Post # 1
We got married two months ago and it’s been extremely difficult for me because my husband suffers from a mental illness. I don’t want to go into much detail about the issue, but yesterday in a particularly difficult and emotional moment for me, I talked to a friend (the wife of one of my husband’s former coworkers) about part of the issue. Now I feel embarrassed and wish I had never said anything. It was a moment of weakness, and I am working with my husband as best as I can to get him to a healthy place.
Should I apologize to this friend for having said anything? Should I address it at all? Or just let it go?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Let it go. Good luck with everything.
Post # 4
Leave it. I feel if you try and say anything it will make it worse.
Post # 5
Next time you get together with your friend, you could buy her coffee and just tell her that you are glad she is there, and hope she didnt feel too burdened with hearing some of the darker things you have to deal with. You can thank her for being a friend, who can keep your confidence. It may bring you guys closer together.
Post # 6
Do you see this woman often? If so I would apologize for putting her in an awkward position (since she knows your DH) and say you appreciate her listening. Then move on!
Post # 7
@0252scholm: I would just let it go rather than draw more attention to the issue. The only way you can remedy it is to never do it again.
Post # 8
I’ve had a lot of friends give me details of their relationships, when they are struggling. I, personally, don’t mind. I want to be there for my friends if they need me. She may not feel weird about what you have said
Post # 9
@memo: +1. If I were your friend, I would feel touched that you trusted me to talk to me about something so personal.
It’s good to have someone you can talk to, especially in an emotional moment! Why do you feel embarrassed–that you disclosed personal details, or because you made your friend uncomfortable?
I don’t think you should be embarrassed. It makes me sad that we (as a society) are so ashamed to talk about these types of things, particularly mental illness. It’s so sad that we stigmatize mental health (and don’t get me started on our face-saving about having picture perfect marriages and lives!).
I don’t think you need to acknowledge it–your friend probably understands. I wish you the best with your husband and finding someone you do feel comfortable talking to.
Post # 10
@0252scholm: whats said is done. I would maybe apologize to her and let her know that you are embarassed but you appreciate her being there for you.
are you worried she is going to share this information with someone? or are you just embarassed of sharing so much intimate details?
Post # 11
Let it go. Everybody can have moments of weaknesses and I don’t mind if my friends tell me. Of course, if it was all the time I would eventually encourage them to go to see someone who is more neutral and will be able to help them solve their issues or deal with them, better than I could (ex.: therapist), but every couple goes through struggle times and your DH’s mental illness is something that is part of your daily life with him. A good friend can understand it can become more difficult emotionally from time to time, so I wouldn’t go back and try to re-explain everything. But when you feel better, tell your friend. If they’re like me, they tend to worry much about others, so knowing it is going better now, is really appreciated as a friend. 🙂
Post # 12
Thanks everyone. I’m not worried aboit her telling anyone, or feeling uncomfortable. I don’t think I gave much detail but it was against my better judgment to have brought it up.
I just think that marital issues are by their nature private, and no one loves my husband the way I do, so I am the one who can handle problems like this best. I don’t want her to think badly of him, is I guess what my worry is.
When I reflect back on it, my thought is just that any problems should really only be discussed between me, him, and the doctor. But I guess the best thing to do is move on, not do it again, and if she asks about it, then maybe Ican just say that I appreciate her being there and that I didn’t mean to bringit up and we are working through it together. I still feel annoyed at myself for having said anything to her, but I’ll try to just move on and stay positive. I appreciate all the advice and input so far. Thank you.
Post # 13
@0252scholm: Although I don’t know specifics about your situation, I encourage you to look up your local chapter of NAMI, an organization dealing specifically with mental illness. They often have support groups for partners and families, and I know many find it helpful to have connections with people who understand what they’re going through.
Sending you thoughts of positive energy and hope things get better!