Post # 1
I have been with my bf for a while now. This is us into our 8th year together. Im 22 and he is 23. Turning 23 and 24 this year. We are about to build our own home hopefully before the end of the year and I hope to be living in to next Christmas. We have lived together for nearly 4 years and own 2 cars outright together. We also have a little dog 🙂
I love him to pieces and our relationship is great he always talks about us being together forever and I know he is serious about us. But I always said I would be engaged before buying property with someone. But he isn’t too keen. He says not to worry it will happen when it happens and that we will get married once the house is finished. Maybe not straight away but it will happen and I should just be patient. But this is a major thing for me I have always said I would not go through with the mortgage without a ring. I trust that we will get married but I feel it’s completly going against what I want and why. what would you do ? I don’t want to push him into proposing but I feel that if he knows we will get married onice the house is done why not get engaged now? And has a long engagement ?
An I wrong? Am I overthinking? Should I just let things lie?
Post # 2
I have also been told I have endometriosis. This can cause infertility and may mean that it is difficult for us to conceive and it will only get worse as time goes On. So this is a constant ticking time bomb in the back of my head as I would love to have kids with him. Another reason why I don’t want to be messing around and waiting
Post # 3
lucy_smith: I felt the same way about moving in with my FI before we got engaged. I recommend that if you buy together before engagement, get both your names on the title.
One of you pays the mortgage and the other saves your half in an account for the wedding. Whoever doesn’t want to commit must be open to giving up the equity in the house in exchange for the wedding fund. Or agree to keep the house and hand over the wedding fund to the partner.
ie. 2k mortgage that bob pays while jane puts 1k away, on a monthly basis. Bob decides he can’t make the commitment. Jane gets to keep the house and bob gets the cash or jane gets the cash while bob gets the house – It’s up to Jane. Or vice versa if jane decides to walk.
That way you have wedding savings started and you’re protected.
Post # 4
Why did you say yes to building the house in the first place if you felt this way? Did he know early on that you wanted a commitment before buying property?
You need to some to a happy compromise here. If he doesn’t like long engagements then, no house.
You need to sit down and have a really serious talk about what you want and what he wants and when. You say you want kids and you might have to start trying in the no too distant future. When does he actually want to have kids? How long does he want to be married before kids? Then count backwards and see what conclusion he comes up with.
Post # 5
I think you need to really explain this to him. I’m a little older than you are, and I feel like often guys in their 20s don’t think quite as much about timelines (especially regarding fertility) as women do. I think you need to remind him that part of why he loves you is because of your principles and how motivated you are to make the life that you want. Then I think you need to explain that basically what he’s asking is for you to make a huge compromise with no timeline or guarantee, and that maybe that isn’t fair. Best of luck!