I trust him but feel I'm putting what I've always felt aside

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

lucy_smith: I felt the same way about moving in with my FI before we got engaged. I recommend that if you buy together before engagement, get both your names on the title.

One of you pays the mortgage and the other saves your half in an account for the wedding. Whoever doesn’t want to commit must be open to giving up the equity in the house in exchange for the wedding fund. Or agree to keep the house and hand over the wedding fund to the partner.

ie. 2k mortgage that bob pays while jane puts 1k away, on a monthly basis. Bob decides he can’t make the commitment. Jane gets to keep the house and bob gets the cash or jane gets the cash while bob gets the house – It’s up to Jane. Or vice versa if jane decides to walk. 

That way you have wedding savings started and you’re protected. 

Post # 4
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Why did you say yes to building the house in the first place if you felt this way?  Did he know early on that you wanted a commitment before buying property? 

You need to some to a happy compromise here. If he doesn’t like long engagements then, no house. 

You need to sit down and have a really serious talk about what you want and what he wants and when. You say you want kids and you might have to start trying in the no too distant future. When does he actually want to have kids? How long does he want to be married before kids? Then count backwards and see what conclusion he comes up with.

Post # 5
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you need to really explain this to him. I’m a little older than you are, and I feel like often guys in their 20s don’t think quite as much about timelines (especially regarding fertility) as women do. I think you need to remind him that part of why he loves you is because of your principles and how motivated you are to make the life that you want. Then I think you need to explain that basically what he’s asking is for you to make a huge compromise with no timeline or guarantee, and that maybe that isn’t fair. Best of luck!

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