(Closed) I typed it out, took a picture, mailed it off, and they still don’t understand

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Its okay to vent..!!!

It could be not as much as they are broke as they are just “broke” when it comes to spending money they dont want to?? If that makes sense.

I feel “broke” right now bc i am having to but  a plane ticket to go to a stagette for someone i dont really know….when in all sense im financially sound. Maybe just “having” to buy a dress is annoying….although i am NOT justifying what they are doing or saying as they are in the party and had accepted the position aka the responsibilites.

Post # 5
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with Baileyh. It’s totally different spending money on yourself, since thats your hard earned money.  There is something depressing about spending money on a dress you’re never going to wear again. Yes, it is something that you agreed to when you agree to be in a wedding. People shouldn’t complain in theory, but in reality, it’s easier said that done. Also, although you say the dress is “only” $135, that’s more than I’ve ever spent on a bridesmaid dress and that doesn’t include alternations so it’s not a small sum of money. I don’t think anyone would back out for financial reasons unless its really serious, and I also don’t think if any of them backed out that they should be “replaced”. You asked the people you invited to be in the wedding for a reason, and you shouldn’t have a second tier person to ask in the case that happens, in my opinion, or they should have been asked in the first place.

Post # 6
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ditto the previous posters.  It’s one thing to have money to spend on things for yourself, but it’s another to spend that same amount of $ on a dress you will likely never wear again.  Sad, but true.  I’ve been in that position many times when someone asked me to be in their wedding and $500 later I just felt like it was too much – even though I was not hurting for money otherwise.

An ex friend of mine was having a destination wedding, and out of town engagement party and bachelorette parties and asked me to be in the wedding.  It would have cost me around $2k to participate in all of the events so I declined.  She got so upset about it that we have not talked since.  Sad but true. 

So having been in that position and not been thrilled about it, when I got married in June, I bought and delivered my BM dresses to my girls, and they all live in different states than I do!  May have been overboard, but I really didn’t want them to have to spend a dime to be part of our wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@trugem:

I totally agree that $100 and $135 aren’t far off. It seems that your friend might not be in a great place financially. It’s possible that the money she is spending is on credit. In my experience, people are often bragging about something when there is something to hide. So, she might be trying to hide her money issues by bragging about her purchases, although they aren’t something she can afford. Obviously I have no idea its just an impression I get. And I am not condoning it at all. I think when she accepted the position of BM, its expected to spend money on a dress and she should live up to that.  All I was trying to get at is that its easier to spend money on yourself for something you need than spending money on a dress you’ll never wear again and that might be where her hesitation and complaints about money are coming from.

And about the BM issue, it is unfortunate you couldn’t ask those you felt closest with. I am right there with you, though, I will likely have to cut my list of intended maids because its quite a long one. I just would find it hurtful if I was asked to be a BM much later on after someone else dropped out. In that situation, I think its better to just accept the uneven numbers, if your maid does eventually decide the financial aspect is too much for her. But only you would know how your other friends might react to be asked at a later date. Considering you had wanted to ask them originally, it might be a different situation than just asking someone to fill a spot.

Post # 10
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Even if you can’t afford to buy them the dresses, could you front the money just for your peace of mind knowing that they’re ordered and will be here on time?  I did this with my bridesmaids and was just like… “this is coming out of the money I’ve set aside to pay for everybody’s dinner, so please pay me back before the wedding”.  I think it’s hard for people to spend money on a dress that they’re not going to wear for another 6 months when there’s more immediate temptations. 

Post # 11
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally sympathize with you. I’ve gotten so many questions from people they could answer by looking at our wedding website or just getting on google. Seriously people – busy bride – you can figure out how to get from the condo I rented for you to the rehearsal dinner. Same for figuring out the dress to order.

As far as money, if someone asks me to be in their wedding then it’s not money spent on the dress, it’s money spent to be part of a friend’s wedding. That should be way more important and exciting than shoes. I’m sorry your bridesmaids don’t feel like that.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

yea its like ppl like the “honor” of being a bm but not everyone wants to put in the work or money until the last minute! hopefully they get their acts together soon

Post # 13
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel your pain! I had a BM complaining about paying $80 for a bachelorette/shower weekend. And she had 6 months to pay and still didn’t pay until they confronted her at the bachelorette!! Oh and while she was at the bachelorette she was talking about how she bought $200 worth of stuff from Victoria Secret for herself!

She is the same girl who would not go get fitted and complained because she was having to get fitted 6 months before the wedding and she would change size by the wedding- let me add she was not paying for the dress My mother was- and we were all getting fitted while in town for the bachelorette and shower in June.. So ordering the dresses in March they take a couple months to get in- fittings in june- fixed and ready by the sept. wedding. 

I think some people are just negative and always have to find a reason to complain! I cant’ wait until BM like this end up getting married and they know how it feels trying to pull everything together while having to deal with people questioning them and/or complaining!

Post # 16
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If a person doesn’t want to spend their money on a dress or tux or whatever or can’t afford to do so then…the answer to “Will you be my bridesmaid” is “No”! 

Don’t agree and then complain! Ugh!!! I’ve been a BM twice. After that I vowed to never do so again. It would have to be someone really, really close to me and my closest friends are already married. However, I never complained (to the bride or family members) about the dress, the ugly clear shoes, the stupid hot shawl in August, the fact that I had to wear my hair the same as women who had hair +6″ longer than mine…You get my point 🙂

 

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