I walked and he is still "getting closer to proposing"

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You’re on the right path! But now you need to cut the last threads. Go No Contact. Block his #. Not out of anger or spite but to give yourself some space to see that you have wants and needs and you deserve a partner who gives a crap about them! This guy never thought about anyone other than himself. Take some time to figure out exactly what you want in a partner, then go find him. Leave this guy in the dust. 

Post # 3
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee

“This is the same guy who had always talked about getting married and even had called me in December to loop me into his family’s conversation about our future children’s names.”

My jaw was on the floor through most of your post, but this line takes the cake. WTF is this madness? He looped YOU into his family’s convo about YOUR future children? How considerate! (sarcasm)

OP you know this is madness. You know you deserve better. You know he is full of bullshit. What makes me the angriest for you is not that he can’t make up his mind, but that he wont’ fucking level with you about it. That tells me he is a selfish, cowardly piece of shit. 

Block his number, delete him on your social media, and continue working on moving on. He is playing you for a fool with his endless delays….whatever you do, don’t fall back into the trap. He has had years to figure out if he wants to marry you and hasn’t been able to make up his mind–time’s up, the offer has expired, it’s better to be alone forever than dragged through the unceasing emotional whiplash of being with someone who can’t decide if you’re worthy of marriage.

Post # 4
Member
2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ugh I’m so sorry, reading this made me kind of hate this guy.  I think you did the right thing walking.  I also think you need to make it abundantly clear to him and the world that you two are broken up.  He seems to take the word “forever” pretty seriously so I’d use it liberally.  As in “we are broken up, forever.”

Guys like this, the ones who KNOW you’re waiting and hurting over it, and then talk about your wedding colors or your registry or how many kids you’ll have, those guys are just the freaking worst.  It’s the calling card of the desperately selfish.  He doesn’t care what that will do to your emotional state, only that it might get him off the hook for another week.

You won’t have to fight the right guy to marry you.  Good luck hon.

Post # 5
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee

anonymousdddd :  

Bee in your heart you know what’s best for you.

It’s a horrible situation to be in when you have those hopes and somebody keeps letting you down. It gets to a certain point resentment kicks in.

I second PP’s. Block his number, delete him off social media (block him if needed) and move on.

Post # 6
Member
2545 posts
Sugar bee

anonymousdddd :  So he just…refused to believe you when you broke up with him and is acting like nothing has changed? Gross. You’re just a prop in his creepy pantomine of what he thinks a relationship should be (for him). Tell him to fuck off, and mean it.

Post # 7
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If a guy wants to marry you, he will. Do you really want to be with someone you’ve given this many chances to, only to be disappointed time and time again? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone you know without a doubt loves you and wants to marry you? You deserve better. 

Post # 8
Member
1764 posts
Buzzing bee

anonymousdddd :  My ex-h was like this. It was a constant battle between what I wanted and what he wanted and he was more stubborn than me, so he won more often than not. We did end up getting married… I wish we hadn’t. He didnt actaully *want* to marry me, he had it really good with me and I would have walked if he hadnt proposed. He never once levelled with me until I confronted him about where he was at… just like your guy. You deserve a man who knows what he wants and a man who is willing and able to give you what you want without you having to fight tooth & nail for it. I would tell him once & for all that you have decided for the both of you, and you deserve better. Be done, because this will carry on forever and thats so unfair to you. 

Also.. please dont date yet! take some time for yourself, figure out exactly what you want so that when you do start dating again, you will know exaclty what you’re looking for. It’ll become incredibly clear when someone isnt a good match for you. And to be clear… I dont think this guy is!

Post # 9
Member
4484 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Stop answering his texts and phone calls. Maybe then he’ll understand that you’re broken up. 

Post # 10
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Agree with other PPs: block his number and you deserve better!

Go on dates but have fun and don’t be serious about it. It’s a good opportunity to see what is out there. Date seriously when you feel like you’re ready and have moved past him.

I can’t help but wonder that he was doing these things to make him look better when you guys (inevitably) broke-up. In my head, not knowing too much about your back story, I wonder if he’s manipulative (“she didn’t want to commit!”…etc.) because something similar happened to a friend. He kept crying wolf and got her to stay, she finally dumped him and moved away. He’s telling mutual friends that she was scared to get married when he was actually the one with issues.

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

boy BYE

Post # 12
Member
3784 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If he does end up giving you a ring, you’ll know its a STFU ring. He doesn’t want to marry you. Move on. Cut ties. Stop contacting/taking his contacts.

Post # 13
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PPs (obv), and I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. This whole situation is immensely unfair to you, and you absolutely did the right thing to walk. Stay strong! 

Post # 14
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee

anonymousdddd :  please just stop.

This was so hard to read. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BEG SOMEONE TO MARRY YOU? He cant even give you a definitive yes or no for the future. This is after the holidays, 3 more weeks, 4 more days, 4 more weeks BS just irritated the crap out of me. It reminds me of when i tell my nephew we cant go to the park today but we will go “Another day”. He asks when and i just say “another day” I cant imagine how you feel. 

However, i cant tell him how dumb he is. But i can tell you to KNOCK IT OFF and quit wasting your time and energy. You deserve better than to be strung along like this. When/if you leave, cut all contact or he will keep filling your head with empty eventual promises. 

Post # 15
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Print out these responses and tape them to your bathroom mirror so you can remind yourself every time you brush you teeth or wash your face how you deserve a guy who actually wants to be married to you. 

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