I walked and he is still "getting closer to proposing"

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee

Do not open that door. Five seconds later you will have a feeling of “oh my God I remember why I ended this.”

The fact that you have more energy and family notices your happiness is huge! A good relationship will not drain the life out of you. 

Congrats on your new life! 🙂

Post # 62
Member
9170 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It’s really easy to *say* all the things that you recognize you need to do better.  It’s a hell of a lot harder to actually *do* them when, in the heat of the moment, you revert to a whole lifetime of behavioral patterns.  Someone that critical and controlling doesn’t just magically change.  He could pretend to change, but how many people really truly change that dramatically this far into adulthood?  

I’d keep the door shut tight.  There are a ton of great guys out there, and you ALWAYS hear about women finally ditching the relationship that was dragging them down, and then meeting the guy where it’s just easy and natural and mutually fulfilling.  I’d hold out for that.  Sorry this has messed with you so much…I think canceling your next “talk” was the right call.

Post # 63
Member
9353 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Trust your gut. You will find a man who adores you just as you are, and you will wonder why you ever thought of being with this one. 

You were miserable after seeing him. Trust that. 

Post # 64
Member
4176 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

No, you should NOT hear him out at some later date. You are feeling good about yourself and your life now, without him. Don’t let him shake you up, because you can do so. much. better. Good for you for moving on and living your life for YOU! Keep doing what you’re doing and in the future maintain the no contact rule. It will ultimately make things easier on you and on him (not that you should care about how he’s dealing with things after what he put you through).

Post # 65
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

anonymousdddd :  Oh sweet bee, your post breaks my heart.

Especially when you say this: I’m not sure he’s so good for me.  I really feel like a future might be a constant struggle of my needs and wants getting dominated by his.  He’s been texting me about how much he misses me even though I’ve asked him repeatedly not to do that and to let me move on.  He said he’s not moving on and he isn’t saying goodbye to us at all.

You know..you know. You have to move on. I feel like even if he did show up on bended knee with a ring, it would be too little too late. Clearly he doesn’t respect you enough to man up and just commit. I hate how he is begging and groveling for more time saying he’s getting closer/more comfortable. Psh, nope. You are better than this!

This “advice” for what it’s worth, is coming from someone who has a walk date set. Feb 19 2018. I’ve made myself CRYSTAL clear because my bf has sure dragged his feet on asking. If he doesn’t by then, adios. He can’t ask for an extension if he knew the deadline for a year. That’s walking all over you. I know it will nearly kill me to pack up my bags and start a new life at 32, but if that’s what it comes to, I’m willing to do it. Stick by your own word because he didn’t stick to his.

You have my heart and support bc I know how much this sucks. <3

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