- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
I have a few close friends – my best friend’s boyfriend will be marrying us. In totally casting off tradition, I did consider asking my best friend to stand up for me (best friend’s a guy) on my side. However, I’m also close friends with another female friend. I asked FI if he would consider having my best friend (he and FI are also friends) as his Best Man and I could pick my other friend as my Maid of Honor.
Originally, we weren’t going to have a bridal party – because it’s a small wedding, and partly because I didn’t want to feel guilted or obligated into asking his sister (please trust me when I say she’s an immature, manipulative, insecure person. She’d be the last person out of everyone I know to be asked. But I am respectful, polite and cordial to her).
At some point, I asked myself: yes, it’s easier not to have a wedding party, but there are some serious perks too. Why shouldn’t I have a wedding party – just to avoid his sister’s mouth? We should be able to choose who we would like to, and she can take her pity party elsewhere (she already threw a tantrum over our wedding date choice because it’s 3 1/2 months after her kid’s birth, and she wanted us to wait until her kid’s around a year old. It was a date I selected to be mindful of her – we could have had it within the first 6 weeks after her kid’s birth).
On the other hand, FI is not close to anyone, really. His closest friends were originally my friends first, so he acts as though it’s taboo to select any of them. He doesn’t know BIL at all and understands that if he chose BIL, it would put pressure on me to pick my SIL (his sister).
Any advice for us? He seems to LIKE the idea of choosing our friend as his Best Man, but feels he shouldn’t because he was my friend first. I think it just calls into sharp focus that he’s not had many friendships in his life.
My three closest friends – my friend, his boyfriend and my female friend – have become our mutual friends and know us both within the context of a relationship, so I just don’t see why it has to be sharply divided into ‘his’ versus ‘mine.’