I want a First Look, but no one else does!

posted 3 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I really don’t think your parents should have any say in whether or not you do a first look. If this is what both of you want, then do it.

Post # 4
6959 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Usually the first look is done with just the two of you, so the mom’s don’t need to be worrying about taking pictures. I would do whatever you and your FI want – this is something that should be your decision IMO.

Post # 5
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jenniferleighh: How about a compromise? Neither my husband nor I wanted him to see me in my dress before the ceremony, but I always loved seeing the pictures of the groom blindfolded. We decided to do a “first touch” rather than a first look. It really helped take the “edge” off and he still saw me for the first time as I walked down the aisle. 

Post # 6
395 posts
Helper bee

@jenniferleighh:  it’s your wedding. Not hers. When I do first looks we never do family photos before the wedding, always after. Yup, your dress will get a little dirty. no one will notice or care. Your mom had her wedding, you have yours. 

Post # 7
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jenniferleighh:  you should do what you and your FI want to do, and you can always take pictures with your moms after you are married.

We didn’t do a first look because we are very traditional and I wanted that moment of him seeing me for the first time when I walked down the aisle. It was priceless.

Post # 8
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jenniferleighh:  We did the first look while everyone else was getting ready. My dress did not get dirty enough for me or anyone else to notice. You can do family photos after the ceremony if that’s what the family prefers.

Post # 9
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Hyperventilate:  agreed. its not really up to your parents if you do a first look or not. 

Post # 10
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We did a first look and were happy to have a few quiet moments to ourselves before our wedding started.  Also getting our pictures out of the way allowed us to enjoy our reception and mingle with our guests.  It’s a personal choice, but it’s yours to make.


Post # 11
795 posts
Busy bee

@jenniferleighh:  From a practical standpoint, a first look makes a lot of sense. I will likely have one, as much as I hate to ruin the surprise factor. Is there any chance you will cry at all? I know I will be emotional. I want great pictures of us together before my eyes are red, lol. Your parents and in laws need to butt out. It’s not their decision at all. They don’t need to be involved in the first look pics anyway. First look also reduces the wait time before the reception. I do like the blindfold idea, too! 

Post # 12
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jenniferleighh:   If you and FI want a first look, then do it.   Having a first look helps in many ways – you and FI are able to have a special moment together before the ceremony, you will have time for relaxed, personal portraits together, and many brides and grooms have said the first look was the best part of their day!

As far as spoiling your dress – is there a possibility of rain?  If so perhaps you can find a covered or indoor location for the first look shoot?  

Don’t worry about your mom and FMIL.  Once they realize that your decision is set in stone, they will back off.  It is not their decision to make. 

Post # 13
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jenniferleighh:  I think considering your mom is great, but if these are her only reasons against it, “My mom says my dress will get filthy and I’ll have a nervous breakdown, and that I would be taking the magic away from the guests who want to see his reaction to seeing me for the first time.” Then I think she’s way off.

#1 Your dress is going to get dirty all days anyways. I had a chuck of mud on mine from our first look by a barn. Did anyone notice? No. Did anyone care even if they did notice? No.

#2 Seeing just HIM alone won’t make you nervous, it will calm you down. Most brides who have had first looks say this.

#3 Who cares if your guests “lose the magic of see his reaction” IT’S NOT ABOUT YOUR GUESTS! <– This statement made me frustrated. My first look was so magical and I shared it with just my husband. Who cares if your guests experience any “magic.” My guests didn’t know I had already seen him. 


Just do what you want to do. Don’t regret such a major decision by doing what someone else wants you to do!!!

Post # 14
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I like the idea of a first look, then your husband to be gets to see you BEFORE everyone else does.  It is a private moment instead of a shared moment with everyone.  Do not worry about your mothers, just do what you both want.

Post # 15
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I LOVED that we did a first look, so I have to respond to a couple of things your Moms said:

His mom says we’d be acting like we were married but wouldn’t be.
-Sorry, but this is just silly. What difference does it make? 

She refuses to take pictures with the two of us together before we’re ACTUALLY married. 
-No big deal there. I had pictures with my Mom and Dad before the cermony, but not with DH, we still kept family photos for after the ceremony (mainly because I knew my MIL would stress me out) 

My mom says my dress will get filthy and I’ll have a nervous breakdown
-Unless it is raining and you fall into a mud puddle, not happening. (Rain first look photos can be pretty awesome, though- I’ve seen some amazing ones.) Yes, the bottom of your dress will probably get some dirt on it (mine got some from trekking through the grass outside), but NO ONE will be looking at the bottom of your dress!! 

I would be taking the magic away from the guests who want to see his reaction to seeing me for the first time.
-I’ve been to plenty of weddings which had first looks, and the groom still had that awesome look on his face. The real magic is getting to share that one-on-one with him- I loved that DH and I got to admire each other with no one else around (except photographer keeping a respectful distance.)

I’ve yet to see a single post on the Bee about someone who regetted having a first look. The Moms have nothing to do with a first look- it’s all about you and your man. 

Post # 16
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your mom/FMIL need to BUTT OUT. You want a first look, have one! I don’t understand why it is at all their concern. We’re doing a first look and I could care less who agrees or who doesn’t. In fact, only person I’ve told is my mom. Not even gonna mention it to my FMIL just in case she’s not a fan of it because, either way, I’m having one and wouldn’t want to have to convince her otherwise. 

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