I want a redo

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss Wallaroo: You are not alone. A Practical Wedding has some great posts about not loving your wedding. This one might be good to start with.

FWIW, I think every day is an opportunity for it to be the happiest day of your life. If a vow renewal would help heal the hurt you experience, go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? This is your life, your marriage. 

Hugs to you.


Post # 4
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Miss Wallaroo:  I think it is not too soon to renew vows as long as you aren’t making it a huge fancy event. If it’s just you and your husband and a few close people or even just your officiant, who cares what you do in your private life? It’s not like you are advertising it and trying to get gifts or anything. 

My aunt and uncle didn’t get to have their wedding the date they wanted it because my aunt’s sisters were really ridiculous, rude, and unwilling to work with their wedding date (which was January 1st). I realize that is a holiday, but do people really do that much on January 1st? I feel like all the business is on New Years EVE. Anyhow, they had a vow renewal with just their immediate family and our immediate family in a park close to their one year but on the date they wanted and I think there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. They finally got to have the wedding they wanted. 

So, to answer your question, I think it’s an awesome idea and it will make you very happy!!! I think you should even wear your dress again and do your hair and everything if you want to!

Post # 5
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@Miss Wallaroo:  I say do what you need to do to be happy. Some people have really strong feelings against renewals, but I’m definately not one of them. I say start planning 🙂

Post # 6
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Try to let go of the “should,” thinking that you SHOULD feel or have felt a certain way doesn’t change the fact that you felt what you felt. “Should” is a very harmful word and factors into the shame of a lot of women who think they aren’t somehow experiencing their lives or the world in the “right” way. There really isn’t a right way, and there certainly is no “should” when it comes to a stressful, overwhelming day like a wedding. The fact is that some women feel blissful and others just feel numb and stresed out. These things happen and it is ok!

That being said, you definitely could have some sort of re-commitment ceremony, as it might be fun to ritualistically renew your vows in a relaxed environment. Just go into it with an open mind and try to be accepting of your emotional state at the time, no “shoulds” attached! 🙂

Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Make your own memories! to heck with the trend. Life is too short. Enjoy it

Post # 8
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel that way about my wedding too, we had the same issues, I honestly could have written the exact same post when you describe it…I feel better about it as we approach our first anniversarry..I’m more able to not think of the bad stuff and focus on the good…

for me, a redo wouldn’t fix it….I don’t think you can recreate a wedding. I do like the idea of renewing vows intimiatly and privatley…..but I would feel a bit silly doing that, but I think if you and your DH feel like it would be fun then you should do it. I think my DH would think I’m nuts if I asked for a renewal so quickly, but if your DH is on board, then by all means. 

Post # 9
10906 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You’re definitely not alone in replaying your big day over and over again in your mind and wanting to change some things that kept you from being able to enjoy it fully. 

I had my dream wedding in nearly every way.  However, a timeline derailment that resulted in my not ever being able to interact with or even greet the vast majority of our guests — some of whom I had not ever met and others whom I hadn’t seen in decades — caused me to grieve for a very long time after my wedding and kept me from being able to really enjoy my honeymoon.

Here is a thread that you may find comforting.  My story is in Post #20.


I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.  Although our issues were different, I definitely do understand at least some of what you’re experiencing. HUGS!!

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