Post # 1
It’s been quite a long time since I have posted in here. Lately, I’ve been feeling really sad and reminissing about our wedding and how much I wish we could do it all over again. I keep replaying the way everything played out… things I could have done to prevent things from happening… There was such much drama that happened on the day of and days leading up to the day that I honestly didn’t take as much enjoyment in to the day as I could and SHOULD have. I was so stressed and at times, unhappy. It had nothing to do with my husband… just family members being how they are. In hindsight, I wish we would have just had a small intimate wedding.
I want a redo. Maybe not an all out real wedding redo, but I feel like a lot of the point of what a wedding is supposed to be was robbed from me by my family. It should have been the happiest day of my life… but it wasn’t. The only time I was truly happy was when my husband and I snuck away for 15 minutes and took pictures in the dark away from everyone with our photographer.
Maybe to renew our vows somewhere on a beach? Our 2 year will be in October, so I feel like that’s too soon to “renew vows.”
Have any of you felt that way? … Literally a year or two after being married?
I feel like I’m crazy (or maybe just PMSing). Who knows. I just knew if anyone would understand these feelings, the bees would.
Miss (now Mrs.) Wallaroo
Post # 3
@Miss Wallaroo: You are not alone. A Practical Wedding has some great posts about not loving your wedding. This one might be good to start with.
FWIW, I think every day is an opportunity for it to be the happiest day of your life. If a vow renewal would help heal the hurt you experience, go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? This is your life, your marriage.
Hugs to you.
Post # 4
@Miss Wallaroo: I think it is not too soon to renew vows as long as you aren’t making it a huge fancy event. If it’s just you and your husband and a few close people or even just your officiant, who cares what you do in your private life? It’s not like you are advertising it and trying to get gifts or anything.
My aunt and uncle didn’t get to have their wedding the date they wanted it because my aunt’s sisters were really ridiculous, rude, and unwilling to work with their wedding date (which was January 1st). I realize that is a holiday, but do people really do that much on January 1st? I feel like all the business is on New Years EVE. Anyhow, they had a vow renewal with just their immediate family and our immediate family in a park close to their one year but on the date they wanted and I think there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. They finally got to have the wedding they wanted.
So, to answer your question, I think it’s an awesome idea and it will make you very happy!!! I think you should even wear your dress again and do your hair and everything if you want to!
Post # 5
@Miss Wallaroo: I say do what you need to do to be happy. Some people have really strong feelings against renewals, but I’m definately not one of them. I say start planning 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park
Try to let go of the “should,” thinking that you SHOULD feel or have felt a certain way doesn’t change the fact that you felt what you felt. “Should” is a very harmful word and factors into the shame of a lot of women who think they aren’t somehow experiencing their lives or the world in the “right” way. There really isn’t a right way, and there certainly is no “should” when it comes to a stressful, overwhelming day like a wedding. The fact is that some women feel blissful and others just feel numb and stresed out. These things happen and it is ok!
That being said, you definitely could have some sort of re-commitment ceremony, as it might be fun to ritualistically renew your vows in a relaxed environment. Just go into it with an open mind and try to be accepting of your emotional state at the time, no “shoulds” attached! 🙂
Post # 7
Make your own memories! to heck with the trend. Life is too short. Enjoy it
Post # 8
I feel that way about my wedding too, we had the same issues, I honestly could have written the exact same post when you describe it…I feel better about it as we approach our first anniversarry..I’m more able to not think of the bad stuff and focus on the good…
for me, a redo wouldn’t fix it….I don’t think you can recreate a wedding. I do like the idea of renewing vows intimiatly and privatley…..but I would feel a bit silly doing that, but I think if you and your DH feel like it would be fun then you should do it. I think my DH would think I’m nuts if I asked for a renewal so quickly, but if your DH is on board, then by all means.
Post # 9
You’re definitely not alone in replaying your big day over and over again in your mind and wanting to change some things that kept you from being able to enjoy it fully.
I had my dream wedding in nearly every way. However, a timeline derailment that resulted in my not ever being able to interact with or even greet the vast majority of our guests — some of whom I had not ever met and others whom I hadn’t seen in decades — caused me to grieve for a very long time after my wedding and kept me from being able to really enjoy my honeymoon.
Here is a thread that you may find comforting. My story is in Post #20.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Although our issues were different, I definitely do understand at least some of what you’re experiencing. HUGS!!