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I don't think you are crazy, I just think you may not be ready yet and that is perfectly fine.
When DH first talked about getting engaged I had a panick attack and broke out with hives, this didn't mean I didn't even want to get married or marry him but that I just wasn't ready for that chapter in my life. Thank god he knew me and is very understand lol.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Have you wedding and enjoy some time as newlyweds and in another couple years you could feel very different.
@WaitingweddingBE: I think everyone feels like that at some point. I don't have kids but I feel that way sometimes and others I can't wait! The added factors can freak me out a bit... You're normal :)
You are not alone! I can't wait to have a child, but whenever I babysit my nephews, as much as I love them it makes me feel anxious about having a child. It's a difficult concept, going from doing whatever I want to do all the time and then suddenly being responsible 24/7 for a human life, and having to constantly watch them and consider them in all my decisions. It's so exhausting just watching them for eight hours, so I worry about having to do it all the time.
But at the same time, I know that it is going to be easier when it's my child because well, it's your child, but also because you get to adjust - they start as an infant and gradually work their way to crawling, walking, etc. I didn't start babysitting for my nephew till he was two, so going from nothing to a two year old is a lot! But for right now I'm not in a rush, I don't know how old you are but I'm just 23 so I definitely still need some time where it's just me and my husband till I add a third person to that!
I still get that feeling . . . and am due on May 21. It's a huge life-change so I think it's normal it comes with a little panic at the thought of everything you'll give up (going out to eat whenever, meeting up with friends, staying out late, taking last minute vacations, sleeping in . . . )
I think that is pretty common. I LOVE my nieces and nephews and I have ALWAYS wanted children. There are still times that, after I leave my nieces/nephews, I go home and enjoy every second of sitting on my couch in peace and quiet.
I think it's very normal to know that you want kids, but to be intimidated by the amount of CONSTANT work that they require. But it is different with your own child. And, if you are going to wait another year or two, you might find that it fades a little.
5 years ago, I loved kids and knew I wanted them someday, but I was no where near ready to give up my freedom. Now, it's a lot more reasonable.
The other thing I've heard, time and time again, is that YES your life is very different after kids but it is so worth it!
I cried when i found out I was pregnant and I was 33 and married. But then you have the baby and you are so "in it" that the freedom issue just becomes the last thing on your mind.
I think that's totally normal. Having kids drastically changes your life, so of course you will feel anxiety about it. Just like any other big change, there will always be positives and negatives that you will face. I really, really want a baby in the next couple of years, but sometimes I feel the exact feelings you are dealing with. Relax. :)
Pff, I'm pregnant and I still think "God, I'm going to be so broke when this baby comes". It's perfectly normal. If you think it would help, do the things you want to do before you TTC, like taking classes or traveling. That may help you feel more "ready" to settle down and commit all your time to a little person. But in reality, I don't think anyone ever feels totally ready until the baby comes and they can't imagine life being any different.
Working in pediatrics, I see a lot of developmentally delayed or severely physically impaired (myopathy, cerebral palsy, chromosomal defects, Down's - these are all patients I saw TODAY).
I was born to be a mom too, like you. In high school I was voted in my student government group, "Most Likely to Get Married and Have Kids Right Away." Everyone knew from an early age that I was born to be a mom. And sure enough, I'm four years out, engaged, and ITCHING for children.
I definitely have had... I dunno, I don't wanna call them second thoughts, but maybe...reality checks? since I started working over here. It's upsetting to think that it really is possible for ANYONE to have a child with disabilities, and that could be me, and am I really ready for that? You know? But then I think of how happy a child, no matter the condition, would make me. I smile and am reminded of the true satisfaction that I know being a mom and having kids will give me. =)
I hope this is normal... because this is exactly how I feel!
I have always been the 'mom' in our group of friends and love the role but sometimes the idea of kids scares me! I volunteer at a drop-in center for 0-5 kids with parents and just this week I was watching a mom trying to get snack ready for her 2 year-old while holding 3 month old (not that I haven't seen it a million times before in volunteer or with cousins) but it just hit me how hard/scary it can be! FI just started another round of school so no babies for us for at least 4 years :)
I'm due June 13th and get those feelings all the time. I think it's perfectly normal to think about how your life is going to change. I think if you didn't think about it, it could hit you like a sock filled with rocks when the time comes.
It is such a relief that I'm not the only one to feel this way. I was starting to think that maybe I didn't want to have kids and I was trying to convince myself otherwise!
Don't laugh but my realisation came went I popped into my local library to see if they had any pre-pregnancy reads (Suggestions welcome) and there were a couple of very noisy kids running around with harassed looking mum's running after them. I browsed the books but couldn't focus on them from the commotion behind me and just had to leave.
It felt like an omen!
I can go back to feeling "normal" now!
I am completely in the same boat. I can hear my clock ticking and part of me wants babies so bad. And yet, the idea of my life changing forever is absolutely terrifying. Sometimes I can't picture myself as a mommy at all.
DH is pretty much ready whenever but I keep coming up with excuses to wait...
Just don't rush yourself.
You're not getting married until November, and I assume you want some time with your husband before you have kids. So don't feel like this is something that has some sort of 1 or 2 year time line.
@WaitingweddingBE: I'm just like you. I want kids (or kid?), I know I do. I have the names figured out and their futures laid out (they will do as I say LOL!) However, I also associate children with loss of freedom, money, sex life, and your profile picture on facebook! I like babies when they are happy and clean! I'm a school teacher and I adore children in the elementary grades, but I'm glad they go home to their parents at 3! LOL! So you are not alone! I think that when you are ready you feel different though (I hope!) so you have time to dislike children now :p
@WaitingweddingBE: Once something becomes a realistic possibility in the near future, it's perfectly normal to start questioning whether or not this is something you really want. I'm due June 21st and still have moments where I mourn the impending loss of my freedom and my ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want!
One thing that helped me was thinking about what I wanted to achieve in life before having kids; once I actually developed those ideas in my head, I set about going after them and for the most part, achieved them. My boyfriend at 24 wanted to get married and start having kids but I thought about all those things I hadn't yet checked off my list and assessed whether or not I would truly be able to achieve them if I settled down. The answer was no and I realised I wasn't ready for marriage or kids, so I ended the relationship and set about ticking items off my list.
Now at 32 when I question whether or not this is something I really want (a bit late now anyway and this baby was planned regardless), I think back on all I have achieved and it puts those niggling fears/worries aside. I don't think anyone can ever say they are 100% ready for a family but you just make it work!
I went through a similar phase myself. I've always wanted kids, ever since I was a kid. I'm just a "mom" type person. It took me a long time to meet my husband, but when I did I had a couple years of questioning whether or not I wanted kids. It was mostly for the same reason, there is so much time and energy needed for kids, we have such a fun life, we both have good careers, and there is a lot to give up. I was also getting older, and would be late into my 37th year when we got married. About a year before the wedding those feelings subsided and I decided that I owed it to myself to try. Two months after the wedding we got our BFP. It's still scary, and we're nervous, but we made the right choice. It has already been such an amazing experience and we're only 14 weeks along! Give yourself some time and you'll know in your heart of hearts what is right for you.
I feel you. 100%. So I got a dog. I figured it was the 'first step' in losing freedom and having something to look after. Then we got a second... goodbye freedom and money. They've been my reality check that we can make this work, and that we will be fine with money (especially considering our 2 year old pup has had about 5k in surgeries already). I hear it all the time "a dog is different than a kid", but I still feel like it's a good first step to real responibility.
Growing up I never wanted kids. I always said I'd never have them and that borrowing them was hard enough. I said this up until we got married, when a light switch went off and I wanted kids.
While we aren't trying yet, I have moments that I want one and I'm excited, then the next minute and completely paranoid. DH has an issue with his eyes, which he's afraid will be passed on. My Dad's side has a history of disabilities, and that with my siblings, they have a total of 3 kids all normal, makes me wonder if I could be the one.
So today, I'm scared about having kids, and wondering if it's too soon. Just the other day I was excited and couldn't wait. It probably doesn't help that my siblings have made a point to tell me to wait and enjoy my life (they were close to/at 30 when they had their first), which really annoys me to no end...
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I’m probably going to get a barrage of comments in horror here but it’s really bugging me…
I want children. I know I do, I always have. It’s not secret and my friends have mocked me in the past for being such a mother-in-waiting and I’m soon to be married, so broody is my middle name.
BUT, and here’s the problem - lately while realising that children are on the card in the near (next couple of years) future, I’ve started noticing babies and children wherever I go, which I think is pretty standard when you’ve got something like that on the horizon… And rather than feel a sense of excitement and wonder when I see them and the mothers with them, I get a strange feeling of panic and restriction about life with kids and I start to wonder if I want them at all!
It’s like the 2 emotions contradict each other. The thought of being a mother, I love. And the thought of actually having kids to look after. Loss of freedom /money and everything that goes with it.
Am I crazy? Has anyone else ever felt like this? Or does feel like this?
Its really worrying me!