I want kids at the wedding, but everyone else (FI, both sets of parents) disagre

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

You can invite kids and the parents can choose not to bring them.

What wedding jobs would the kids have?  If they’re involved in the wedding, they should absolutely be invited to the reception, it’s rude not to.

Member
2508 posts
Sugar bee

Talk to your cousin first, and then, if they want to bring the small kids – stand your ground. Explain that it’s important to you on the very grounds mentioned above and (if possible) that you can cover the extra expense of the kids if the money is a big issue.

We’re having a 3.5 year old as our flower girl, there will also be a 1 year old, and a 2-month baby on our wedding – wish there were more so that they could all play with each other! Kids are really so much fun!

Member
245 posts
Helper bee

My FI was reluctant to invite kids to our reception in Ireland, but I pointed out to him that his sister has three kids and anyone who could possibly babysit them is going to be at our reception, so if we ban kids she won’t be able to come at all.

I think you should just talk to the parents and see what they think. They might not actually want to take their kids to the wedding, especially a three year old.

Member
7821 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yes, as @futuremrsfitz18: said, why not invite them and let the parents decide? 

I am with you OP, I cannot imagine a wedding without kids!  That was one of my favorite parts of being in Mexico for a summer, children were included and brought literally everywhere at all hours!

Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, it’s definitely an unusual position to be in. I’d say talk to the parents of the kids first – see how they feel.

Honestly, while I was adamant about “no kids” at my wedding, my friends actually were happy about it. They wanted to have an adult evening. As many of my friends explained, it can be stressful as a parent to take your children to events such as weddings. They’re formal events, and kids can get rambunctious and bored. My friends want to enjoy themselves, and that’s hard to do when they’re constantly having to follow their kids around to keep them in line. Obviously that’s not the case for older kids, but even then, my friends with older kids still wanted to enjoy the evening without worry.

Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

It’s your wedding, you want to invite children then go ahead.

I am inviting families and their small kids, unless it co workers that have older kids that can stay at home by themselves. I’ll propably have 20 kids at ours and i can’t wait to see little princesses running around and little boys showing off their dancing moves LOL

Member
95 posts
Worker bee

I am having cousins and the like as flower girls, ring bearers, guest book attendants, etc. But I have considered saying (for the rest of the guests with children population) that it is an adult ceremony and reception (hint, hire a baby sitter.) Unfortunately I don’t think they’ll catch the hint and I don’t feel comfortable being any more bluntly than that. So I plan to have on-site child care and to GREATLY encourage the guests to allow children to stay there during the ceremony.

The only reason I say this is our families spend all this money (especially on a videographer) only to have a child run around or scream the whole time, thus messing up the entire experience and the video. I even have contingency plans for my younger attendants (relatives will be sitting in the second row to take them out if they decide that standing on the stage isn’t for them)

As far as feeling guilty about leaving the “younger ones” out, I wouldn’t worry about it too much for the following reasons:

1. Being young stinks. Not getting to do grown up things is part of the growing up experience.  I mean, do we let them drink or drive a car because they’ll feel left out? No, there are some things that are just meant for adults, they’ll get a chance to be involved one day, and probably sooner than later!

 

2. Most children ‘think’ they want to be included at the wedding, but when they get there they’ll realize how boring weddings can be and probably will wish they didn’t have to come!

 

3. Especially a three year old, is not going to even realize what they’re missing!

Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

I have been going to weddings my whole life and never really got bored. Yes, the first wedding I remember attending was when I was three. I was thrilled to be there, in a pretty dress, and being escorted to my seat by a grown up usher.

 

Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I’m inviting kids to my wedding, and hope there is a whole bunch of them! Kids are a joy to have and they’re so cute on the dance floor!

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