Post # 1
So of course I have to start this with: I absolutely respect every bride’s decision to do whatever she wants with her and her children’s names. This is just what I want for my family.
So Fiance and I have decided that what we’re going to do with our names is that we will each take one another’s last names as another middle name (so my name will be Adrianna Jean hislastname mylastname), and that our kids will all get one of our last names as a middle name and one of our last names as their last name. I know it’s not traditional, but I really want our kids to have my last name (so their names would be: firstname middlename hislastname mylastname), and here are my reasons:
1) my last name will likely not make it past my generation. He, on the other hand, has over 100 first cousins, loads of which have his last name.
2) I’m a bit of a feminist, and I am already giving up getting my PhD and my dream career to make our relationship work, so I feel like like this makes it more fair.
3) After carrying that thing around for 9 months, having to pee all the time, throwing up every day and then pushing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon, I should be able to call that kid whatever I damn well please.
Have any other bees decided to give their kids their last names? Has it made people wonder if you guys are married or are people generally fine with it? I’m worried Future Father-In-Law would have a fit, but I don’t think he should get a say in the matter. Thoughts?
Post # 3
i’ve thought about it, i didn’t change my name. no kids for us yet.
you birthed ’em, he can name the ones he gives birth to.
Post # 4
How does your Darling Husband feel about it? I firmly believe both parents have equal rights in the naming regardless of who does the birthing.
If your Darling Husband is against it, is there any way you could hyphen the last names for any future children?
Post # 5
If your husband is on board with doing it that way, who cares what Future Father-In-Law thinks.
Post # 6
@ieatunicorns: He’s at least open to it. When we decided against hyphenating (we just figured that it was a one-generational fix that really just made our problem into our children’s problem), he didn’t just assume the kids would get his last name. He said “so whose last name will they take?” and I just mentioned that my name was going to die out and his wasn’t. So there isn’t a firm opposition at least.
Post # 7
If you fiance is on board then who cares about your FFIL? This will all be taking place after the wedding anyway I’m assuming and by that time you guys are a married couple/family. He doens’t need to like it but he does have to respect it. Your fiance can see to that.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
You’re right, your Future Father-In-Law shouldn’t have a say in this, but your FH should! What compromises are you making if he doesn’t like this idea? Will the boy get his last name & the girl get yours? Will he get to pick out the first name?
I don’t have any problem with how you two change your names , but rather that I stronglybfeel that regardless who carries & births the child that BOTH PARENTS should get an equal say in THEIR child. But of course, that’s just my opinion ..& you asked what I thought ;]
Post # 9
@AdriannaJean: Then definately go with whatever the two of you decide. Future Father-In-Law will have to get over it.
Post # 10
If your husband is alright with it then go for it.
However, I don’t think that just because you carried the child and made choices regarding your career and education that you’re not happy now gives you an upperhand or more of a say than your husband. Why not hyphen the name? My mother hyphened mine. Mine is: Firstname Middlename Motherslastname-Fatherslastname
Post # 11
Darling Husband and I agreed that our kids would take my last name long before we got married. We chose this together for a couple reasons. Darling Husband is not that attached to his last name. More importantly, my last name is on the family business and we want the kids to feel connected to the family business.
I think this is something that you need to decide together with your husband.
Post # 12
If your husband is ok with it, then go for it! Keep your family’s name going girl!
Post # 13
@6598731ssfse3: I didn’t say that I was unhappy with the education/career decisions that I’ve made. I would make them again in a heartbeat. All I’m saying is that I have given up some things that were fairly important to me, and that having the kids take my last name would make it more fair.
Post # 14
Of course the Future Father-In-Law does not get a say. If he doesn’t get over it, he doesn’t have to have a relationship with your kids.
I like the idea of your kids having your last name, just to make it a more unusual name.
Post # 15
@AdriannaJean: It doesn’t matter your reasonings. It could be — I hate his last name! All that matters is what works for your FAMILY: yourself, your Fiance, and your future children.
Your Fiance has 100 first cousins? That’s INSANE. That family legacy will be fine!
I can’t help your question though! But I can’t see how it would matter much going forward, as long as you’re both on board!
Post # 16
I have one set of friends for whom he took her name because she was a published academic and he didn’t care.
I have another set of friends where both parties hyphenated.
I say do what works for you and don’t listen to anybody else.