Post # 1
Okay, I just had to post this. Some folks forget where their boundaries are in certain situations, but especially weddings. I was so caught off guard….
So my aunt (my mom’s sister) asked me during a recent telephone conversation how much am I paying the caterer per plate. I was thinking, well why does she care, is she gonna donate some money? So I replied that I didn’t know and that I’d have to look at the exact amount and get back with her. So then she said, “Yeah, well I was wondering cause Tiara (her step daughter that I haven’t spoken to in over 2 years) wants to come.” I had to kinda count to ten cause I wanted to ask her if she was kidding me. So I told her that Tiara was not on my 50 person guest list. So my aunt continues talking and said, “Well your cousin Shirley isn’t coming, I know that for a fact and Tiara could just take her slot. When are you going to know if you have any openings?” So I told her the invitations have not gone out yet so I don’t have a head count. Then she asked again, “so when will you know?” And at this point I’m getting on the defensive side. So I told her point blank, “I have other guests that I’d like to invite if family can not show up and Tiara is not one of them.” Can you believe she ended the conversation saying, “well just let me know.” I couldn’t believe it, I immediately called my mother, who was a little turned off by it as well. Just wanted to let her know in case my aunt ran to her.
Doesn’t get tackier than that. I wanted to ask her if she was the bride or was I the bride, and the money doesn’t matter, I can afford to feed another person. My day will only be shared with people my fiance’ and I have invited. Grrrrr…..
Post # 3
That is so bad – your aunt sounds oblivious even though you were pretty direct!
I’m in a similar situation with Future Mother-In-Law who has been swapping out one person for another for over 8 months. For a while it was really bothering me, but I really don’t think she realizes all of the thought and planning goes into most weddings now-a-days. I am 2 weeks away from sending out my formal invitations and I think Future Mother-In-Law has swapped out over 20 people on her list for someone else. Originally I was waiting on her final list so I could send things out, but I’ve moved on from that at this point.
It sounds like you are going for a smaller guest list, so I’m sure it’s even more annoying for you – hopefull your aunt gets the hint soon enough. I think you said the right things, and if possible maybe you could have your mom talk to her to nail the point in a little bit more.
Post # 4
Wow, that is ridiculous. I can’t believe someone would actually do that.
Post # 5
@SimpleBride10: I absolutely hate how pushy and entitled some people feel. Good for you for standing your ground with her while still managing to be polite!!
Post # 6
Use the old “keep kids away from drugs” tag line and JUST SAY NO!
My husband always says “Say no nicely, and blame me if you have to!” Generally though, if you are firm but kind, people understand.
Post # 7
Wow, that’s awful! Stay strong, and tell her there’s a limit of people you can invite, and unfortunately, you aren’t able to invite Tiara at this time, but would love to catch up with her once all of the wedding craziness has died down.
Post # 8
Good! Stand your ground!!
We had SEVERAL people back my Mother-In-Law in a corner with an invite. It was pretty much the week before our final count was due so we let them attend. 1 was our family doctor (awkward, but okay I didn’t want to be on my doctor’s bad side) 2 was my DH’s aunt’s in laws (so her husbands brother and wife) we’ve never met these people and they don’t know who we are too. We don’t know why anyone would want to attend a wedding where they didn’t know who the bride and groom were!!!! So I guess word got around that we were push overs because literally the week before our wedding we had 1 person who RSVP-ed no say yes (and he lives half way around the world!). We had to scramble to get his place card made, pay for his meal, etc. It was really irritating. Soooo STAND YOUR GROUND!
Post # 9
That sounds like my Future Mother-In-Law. She already has just over one third of our guest list she gets to invite. We are sticking to 100 people total due to both budget and personal reasons. She’s trying to say she will pay us to have 6-8 more of her friends come. I wanted a small intimate wedding with only 40-50 people as I’m shy and hate being the centre of attention and people looking at me. We have doubled that and she’s still not respecting the fact that I only wanted close friends and family there and not her friends who I’ve never met and have have no part of my FI’s life either.
If we have people RSVP no, I would rather invite friends and my side of the family I have cut for my Future Mother-In-Law to have her whole family there.
Post # 10
EWWW are you serious?! I can’t believe the nerve of some people. Why thank you for inviting someone FOR me as if I didn’t have my own people in mind if some people couldn’t come. EW ew ew that’s just too annoying. I’m glad you told her point blank UHHH NO. Lol. You see too many people asking, “what do I tell my aunt?” It’s like umm, tell her hell no you aren’t close with this person so she won’t be invited to my wedding lol. And why does this person want to come to your wedding if yall arent close and havent spoken?? Lol, for the free food/party/drinks?? I don’t think soo..
Post # 11
@MsBella: Exactly, I am with you 100%. I don’t like being center of attention either, especially with people I’m not close to. People celebrate weddings differently – some want everyone they know there and some want just family and close friends. And like you, I have kinda a waiting list so if a family member can’t make it I can invite one of my friends. I hope it works out for you! We don’t have long!
Post # 12
@MissTX: You know, same thing I was thinking. I REALLY HAVE NOT spoken to this girl in over two years. It’s on my aunt for running her mouth. I had to tell my grandma the same thing. She was at the reunion this summer “inviting” various folks to the wedding, and I just told her, look everyone can’t come. In fact I decided to put the number of seats per family on the RSVP card ( we have 2 seats reserved in your honor…) and I’ll just do seating arrangements.
I’m going to Jamaica for my honeymoon and I’ll cut the entire list to 50 people if I have to! Seriously, to me that’s not what a wedding is about, it’s to be shared with close family and friends.
Post # 13
@ViaMinorViator: Ha! Your husband sounds like my fiance’!! I guess I can’t say no nicely cause some of this stuff I just can’t believe someone would even say and “Hell no, why would you even ask me that” is the first thing that comes to mind and I don’t want to be ugly so I just have to let it soak….LOL! I need to get better at that.
Post # 14
@lmoss78: It sounds like she hasn’t a clue about wedding etiquette! Tell her that your list is final, and that inviting one person to take the place of another after invites are out is very rude.
I know some circles follow the ‘cover the plate’ rule in regard to monetary wedding gifts, so she may be trying to do the same thing.
Post # 15
@SimpleBride10: Just for the record, you’re well within your rights to go all Bridezilla on your Aunt…..just saying….every bride should be allowed to do it ONCE.
Post # 16
It’s crazy how many people lack reasonable wedding etiquette!