(Closed) I want to cancel my wedding, HELP!!

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sit down with him and write everything out. Ask him to explain where the remaining 7 grand is coming from.Could you postpone the wedding or scale things back?

Post # 4
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Tell him if he wants it then he can start planning it all on his own…that you’ll just show up?

Yeah I can I can be a little too blunt at times. You do need to find your voice though and be honest with your FI. If not the resentment can get to a point where you start having other problems. Sit him down and tell him honestly how you feel…it’s a good start to a marriage because it is learning communication.

Post # 5
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Can you remodel what you already have done?  To make it maybe intimate – immediate family?  Halfway between eloping and a big shindig?

 

“Sit down with him and write everything out. Ask him to explain where the remaining 7 grand is coming from.”

 

Yes, an actual plan – not “it’ll work out” you need to see numbers.

Post # 6
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

How far along in the planning are you? Like are the invites out? Does everybody know, have they sent you gifts?

I wish I had eloped sometimes. It’s more my thing anyways, personal, romantic! Plus I’m like doing most the planning by myself too!

But I try to hold onto faith. Faith that thing WILL work out. We’ll have an amazing day with all our best friends and family. And in one short year, we’ll be laughing about all the drama, and constant appointments, and of course all the mishaps and our terrible dancing on the actual day!

If you can’t convince FI to back out completely, how about a combo of your two ideas. A very strict and small list of guests, with just a ceremony and light h’doeves. NO dj/alch/cake??

Post # 7
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

You say he wants you to make all the decisions but he won’t let you change the wedding to an elopement? Anyway, I think financially you are making the best choice if you don’t want to take a loan out. Ask him where the money is coming from for the wedding…and if he wants to plan it himself! (or hire a wedding planner, which obviously costs money!)

Post # 8
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

As you obviously know, having a $10,000 wedding that you cannot afford and don’t want is a bad idea.

I would draft up everything I had done so far on microsoft word, print out out, along with a list of vendors, etc. put it in a folder and hand it to FI “Here. All of the information you need is here. I am not a planner, I do not like being the center of attention, you have not helped me, we do not have the money. Since you want this wedding, you need to plan it and find $7,000.”

That is not being too blunt. This man is going to be your HUSBAND. You’ve got to be able to communicate and plan. Okay, so you let yourself get pushed around. So end that today. Don’t feel guilty that you let it happen or that now you have to go along with it since you didn’t stop it before. You are always in control of your life. You should not have to plan a wedding you don’t want because you’re the woman. There is no wedding planning gene. 

I would see what money I could get back, even if that means a white lie.

Perhaps you could make a list of things you both want that the $7,000 could go towards – a nice trip, loans, a new car, I don’t know. 

Post # 9
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

Basically, you have the power to put the foot on the breaks. You literally do not have to be part of anything you don’t want to. You don’t pay for it, you don’t sign your name on a wedding loan (seriously), you don’t concede to plan any more. What are they gonna do? The absolute worst thing is that he turns out to be an immature jerk who freaks out and breaks it off because you wouldn’t indebt yourself over a party you don’t want. There are worst things. Like marrying someone who would break up with you for that. If he is truly a worthy man, he’ll hear you out. He won’t want his wife to be walked on by anybody, especially by him.

Post # 11
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sounds great! Congrats!

Post # 12
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sounds like a perfect solution for the situation.  I hope it is wonderful and beautiful and you are happy.  Being happy is the most important part.

Post # 13
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Congratulations! I’m glad you got your voice heard.

Post # 14
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Yay! Good for yoU!

Post # 16
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Good for yo!u! What a nice compromise.

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