Post # 1
People are making me feel like a jerk for denying him his Special Day. I never wanted to have a wedding in the first place, but I’d be willing to go along with it if it was something we could afford and if he was willing to help plan it and be reasonable about it. But every time I bring up cost, logistics, etc. he acts like I’m being a bridezilla and says it’s “just a party” and I’m making too much of it.
I know it’s just a party. I don’t care about all the wedding-y details like flowers, decorations, catering, a dress, etc. but I am worrying about how to pull this off for so many people (he wants to invite his whole large family and a lot of our friends). Even a regular party for such a large and diverse group of people is going to be somewhat costly and if we do it in his parents’ backyard we still have to do things like rent porta-potties and chairs and come up with enough snacks. I am very introverted and uncomfortable being the center of attention and would rather just elope and use the money we’d spend for the party on a little honeymoon or something. Or if we could cut the guest list down to make things less stressful and more affordable, I’d be more okay with it, but I don’t see that happening.
Maybe people are right and I’m just making a big deal out of nothing? I don’t want him to regret not having his party, but I’ve been stressed out about this for months. Our incomes are limited and I don’t want to spend to little bit of money we have on what will ultimately be a lame-ass wedding anyway.
Post # 3
Tell him to plan it, he’ll want to elope in no time, haha.
Post # 4
@lampshade: I don’t have much advice, but I wanted to say that I understand how you feel about everything! I wanted to elope, Fiance thought we should have a wedding so that our families (his parents especially, since his dad is physically unable to travel) could be there. I was dreading the whole thing, the planning, the cost… Ultimately, he saw how stressed I was, and we’ve decided to call it off and elope. He hates being the center of attention as well, but he thought I might regret not having the whole shebang one day. Don’t think so!
We might have a small reception for close friends/family a couple of months after the wedding, but only if my parents insist, because neither of us really feels like it is necessary. Could you do something like that? Best of both worlds – elope, to take the pressure off, and then throw a small party down the road?
Post # 5
@shesho: I tried that! His version of planning is “call everyone up the week before and tell them when to show up and to bring their own food, drinks, and a chair. Women can use the bathroom in the house and men can pee outside. The end.” LOL OKAY!
Post # 6
@lampshade: Haha that does sound like a dude’s version of planning a wedding. First off, this wedding is *both* of your days! He should understand where you are coming from too.
Could you do a small ceremony, then a big party after? That would cut down on you being the center of attention, and it sounds like everyone being there for the ceremony isn’t even important to him.
For the party, you should come up with a budget and be firm about it. Say, “this is what we can afford, and we need to provide porta-potties, food and booze.” Then, if you have to cut guests, you have to cut guests, but you should be able to throw a decent sized backyard bbq party. If he thinks you can afford more, and he can actually prove how you could afford more (using what your current resources), then you can adjust accordingly.
If he calls you a bridezilla, I would say “I’m not being a bridezilla, I’m being an adult.”
Post # 7
@lampshade: My fiancé and I were originally going to elope. Fly to Vegas and be done with it. My mom said she is going no matter where I get married, which I’m cool with because we are very close. Well, since my parents are coming, we wanted to invite his. And basically that turned into inviting both our entire families. But in turn, we know not everyone will be going so it’s not going to be a huge ordeal. Maybe 25 at most. So it was going to be Elvis marrying us turned into something just a little bigger 🙂
Post # 8
I really wish we had eloped!
i wanted to elope, my husband wanted a wedding. the compromise? courthouse ceremony and small party.
Post # 9
@lampshade: My fiance wanted a really small Destination Wedding and I wanted a real wedding. We ended up going with a Destination Wedding in the USA and will have about 75 guests. Maybe you guys could have an intimate wedding, then throw a party back home, later at night, so no formal dinner, just snacks and drinks? If he doesn’t want to plan, then you shouldn’t be forced to plan a huge wedding you don’t want.
Post # 10
I’ve never really dreamed of having a wedding & have my reasons why. I wanted to elope from the get go- My FH was going along with it- looking up places we could get married, out of the country & on our own.
For some reason- he changed his mind & (i really think his mother & grandmothers made him feel guilty-& of course he doesn’t see it that way). NOW he wants a big fancy wedding. UGHHHH. His cousin tells me that he is doing this to make me happy— but its honestly a F(&$& NIGHTMARE. Its so stressful that my poor face has been breaking out for weeks & there hasn’t been a day without some type of stress/cold sore in my mouth.
Yeah, i decided to be nice and go along with it- knowing what to expect from my side- but double that with his side being in-law-zillas.
I keep telling him that It would be easier on me, if we could just forget planning and just elope. His answer is “well then you can tell everyone that we are not having a wedding” . I wish i were as much of a JERK to say “hey, you want a wedding? well then YOU can plan it your self. Here are all my family contacts…have at it” I honestly wish I had the “heart” to say it.
I cannot wait for this stupid wedding to be over and done with. I do not plan on talking to ANYONE after for a good SOLID month. or longer if i can help it.
p.s. im not bitter. HA