- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am sorry if this is long and if there are any spelling errors, but I am writing this in a hurry to get it all out of my system 🙁
Some of you mey be familiar with my story and my mother but I’ll refresh just in case.
My mother is a very materialilstic and selfish person. Since i was little she would prefer to treat herself then me and my half brother. On top of that she quiet early stripped me of my childhood by confiding her issues constantly in me, treating me like her support group and evidently tried to turn the tables areound as if i was her mother.
Until this day i feel like i have to send her money when she asks otherwise i feel very guilty.
I left Poland when i was 18 mostly to get away from her.
My life wasn’t easy and i worked hard to get to where i am today with no help. More like a weight attached to my leg then anything.
I did however tried to manage to keep contact with her (like my other family) just to be nice.
We would talk over the phone ( i would do that for her becasue i couldn’t really care to talk to her or listen to her voice ) i have been through way too much becasue of her and been taken advantage off way too many times to have normal feelings that you have for your mother. Which in a way i also felt guilty of but my therapist is working on that with me.
Would liek to add that my mother has a house in the country, 2 condos, 2 lands…. yeah. So she lives beyond her means and constantly asks for money to upkeep everything but is not willing to sell any of it at a discounted price, wants to get the top $$ for it instead but due to economy no one is buying anything. I live with FI in one house and we are in debt ourselves.
Our conversations would be ok if i sent her money. If she asked and i did, all would be good. If she asked and i couldn’t (i am in debt myself) then all hell would break loose and i would be called names and told that she can’t count on me etc… she would hang up on me, call me back crying then hang up, then call me back trying to be all smart with calculations to try to prove to me that based on my income i could send her money etc… Pretty much going through different personalities to try to get what she wants.
Anyways, FF to my engagement and upcoming wedding.
Since the beginning she was full of opinions but i delt with it. She wanted to come for the wedding. I said for sure I’ll invite her. She said she had no money for ticket so i said i will try to get her the ticket.
Then she started askign me for money for other things saying that she has nothing to eat, that she is eating dry bread. That she is sick and needs money for medicine. I said to her very clearly (this is February this year) that I can’t send her money and pay for the ticket, it will be one or the other. She got all upset and again with name calling and that i care for my dog more then i do for my own mother. Guilt tripping me as much as she could.
I broke down and send her money and said ihope she is happy but this money was for her ticket and therefore she is not coming to the wedding becasue i can’t pay for both. Also mentioned that this relationship is very toxic (my fiance was getting upset becasue of how much stress she put me through and doesn’t want me to be in contact with her) and that I don’t want to be talking to her anymore. I can’t do this over and over.
So the invitations went out in June (List A). I ofcourse sent one to her, my brother and my father. My father is not coming (he is an alcoholic) my brother was going to come but then decided not to (he doens’t work and is stay at home dad, wife wears the pants and she didn’t want him to go).
So i came to terms and adjusted to the fact that no one from my family be at my wedding. Actually my boss will walk me down the isle.
Tw months ago my mother wrote me (through facebook as we don’t talk over the phone anymore) abou the her health condition and problem with her eye. I did attend to her email and since i was concerned, I did message back etc…
It ended with me sending her money for her glasses (i looked for glasses here for her but the price she was getting there was better then what i could get here) a week ago to help.
Then 5 days ago she randomly started to text me pictures of me when i was a baby, her holding me in pictures or feeding me etc… then some poems of how mother is the most important in life etc… what mothers go though all that stuff. I ignored it as i am already way too stressed with a wedding in 12 days and all the crap i still need to do etc…
Then last night i get a text message from her saying that I hurt her a lot by not inviting her, that flights are really cheap especially last minute ones an that she is very dissapointed in me for not paying for her fllight. That i would rather have strangers at my wedding rather then my own mother. That she was going to give us land as a wedding present. That she will never forgive me and that she will not send me wishes because other strangers can do that.
So when i read that (already beign under stress – my hair is falling out and i feel like i want to throw up constantly) I felt like bricks fell on my head and right into my stomach. Had to sit down and take tylanol due to instant headache. I think i even swore in front of FI kids and i never swear.
After i calmed down i wrote her back letting her know that it was her choice and the reason why i couldn’t buy her a ticket. Also told her that i can’t keep doing this and i don’t want any land from her or anything she has etc, letting her know that she went to far this time and i am not her freaking mother, also mentioning that i di send the invite. My text ended with mutiple exlamations.
This morning i got a text tellign me that she didn’t get the invite, asking when is out wedding and if she can get a flight on her own if we will pick her up from the airport.
I am at the point where I don’t want her to come. I am scared if she does. It will be full of negativity and not a pleasant day for me at all. She doens’t know english and I can’t have her near me cuz she drives me insane.