Post # 1
Frequent poster (2000+) going anony.
Can I kick my sister out my wedding party with less than 2 weeks before my big day?
1. She hasn’t spoken to me in 6 weeks, since the day I told her she couldn’t invite her ex husband (now boyfriend) to my small intimate wedding (30 people.) Her ex husband has not had any interaction with my family since they divorced 5 years ago, and especially since they got back together 1 year ago. Getting back with him was a huge slap in the face to our family and she was told before it happened that he would never be part of this family again. She sees my small intimate wedding as the perfect chance for him to be welcomed back into our family. Seriously? My father is hosting. My father, rightfully so, absolutely hates my sister’s ex husband. He would be in an extremely bad mood all day if my sister’s ex husband was there. I will not go into crazy details but ex husband/now current boyfriend is a liar, cheater, abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally), stealer (has stolen HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars from my dad.) I am not above forgiveness but he has done 20 years of damage.
2. She has told my mother that she will come to the wedding but don’t expect her to be happy about it, or make any effort what-so-ever. I believe that..since she hasn’t talked to me… IN SIX WEEKS.
3. My mother tells me I can’t kick her out of my wedding but it’s my day and I think about her being there on the morning of (getting ready together) and I want to scream.
4. I have severe lifelong anxiety and even being around a group this size (30) is making me very uneasy. She and everyone else knows this. This is why I had such a small wedding. Why she would think adding something so stressful to the mix would be okay is beyond me. She has really ruined what could’ve been such a special day. More than anything (seriously, besides the actual getting married part) I was looking forward to getting ready in the fancy bridal suite with my sisters and mom, professional hair/makeup, someone coming to do our nails, in room massages, etc. Now I won’t let her truly ruin it but I’ve cried over this many times because I already know that it won’t be the same. Either she is there and I will be upset or she isn’t there and I won’t be as upset but I will be so dissapointed it came to that.
5. I have text messaged her several times asking her about wedding related things and she ignores me.
In short, can I kick her out?
Post # 3
@Christmas143: yes you can! If your sister obviously doesn’t want to be a part of your bridal party, which seems to be the case, then don’t feel bad. I would still invite her to the wedding, but make it clear that your bridal party is expected to be there for you and more importantly, be ENTHUSIASTIC! If she isn’t willing or able to do her part, I wouldn’t feel bad about demoting her, family or not!
ETA: And don’t feel bad about not inviting her ex. He has obviously caused your family a lot of problems and he shouldn’t have the right to overshadow your special day by being there, obviously unwelcome by everyone but your sister.
Post # 4
@Christmas143: I’m sorry you’re going through this….especially with your big day around the corner. I have a sister who is 2 years younger than me and she is my MOH. We have had our share of problem during my wedding planning process and I have been where you are.
In your situation I would call your sister and just tell her how important it is to you and your FH that your wedding only have close fam and friends attend. I’d also say that you’re feel anxious as it is and you know that having her boyfriend(ex husband) there on your wedding day will only increase your anxiety and you won’t be able to fully enjoy your big day. Just remind her that it’s only one day and really she’ll be too busy being there for you that she won’t see much of her boyfriend anyway.
Post # 5
You can kick out anyone you want as late as you want, you could kick her out DAY OF the wedding! It is your right as a bride!
Post # 6
have you told her your dad doesn’t want him to come?
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but she obviously doesn’t care about being there for you on your wedding day. If I were you, I wouldn’t want her there at all – and it’s completely your right as the bride to tell her she is not welcome on the day. I wouldn’t even feel guilty about it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble
If I were in your shoes, and could muster the strength(in reference to your anxiety, I mean), I’d call her and just be straight.
“Look, this is MY and FH’S day. Not the day you try to FORCE us all into *lying* or *pretending* to accept the man who has quite obviously nearly ruined multiple lives. Either come alone, or not at all”.
Post # 9
Thanks for the comments everyone. She is no longer in my bridal party. I’m very upset it came to this but being around her on the morning of would’ve upset me even more.
Post # 10
Technically, you can, but really try and think about what throwing her out will cause moving forward. I think you should talk to her. I know you’re crazy busy planning a wedding, but if you do all you can to get up with her and try to work it out then it can’t be throw in your face later on. I’d say give it another week or so. Call, text, email, fb message, tweet, etc and get her to call you back. If she doesn’t, then call or email and say that you are absolutely heart broken that she’s (basically) choosing an abuser over family and that it would be best for everyone if neither of them come. Explain that hopefully she’ll change her mind about him coming, but if not then she leaves you with no other choice. Explain in the message or email that you feel like you’re left with no other choice and you are just trying to keep the peace amoung the majority of the guests and not ruin your day. If you decide to tell her no to be in the wedding, be sure you are super nice but very matter-of-fact.
Post # 11
@Christmas143: Most of the time when I read these “can I kick so-and-so out of my bridal party” posts I roll my eyes BUT I think you have many perfectly valid reasons to not want her there. I feel for her, sort of, for not being strong enough to stay clear of her abuser but to bring someone who STOLE money from her father to an intimate family gathering is just… beyond uncouth. I think you should bar her and this guy from your ceremony so the day can be a focal point of love and celebration between you, your new husband and your families.