Post # 1
This is purely a vent – I’m not going to ask my fiance to kick out a groomsman. But I HATE this guy!
He doesn’t live near us and although FI and he speak regularly, they only see each other once or twice a year. I’ve met him once. This guy is a charmer – a legendary ladies man with a big mouth, but a lot of fun and I can see why people like him. He’s now married with two kids, and decided to treat FI’s bachelor party as a way to relive his single days, basically by insisting on strippers strippers strippers.
Someone close to me had her wedding torpedoed after her fiance cheated on her with a stripper, so the whole “he’s not going home with her, they’re just doing it for the money” argument holds zero water with me – even though logically I know that this isn’t true all the time, to me, well… that stripper was a prostitute. She can’t be the only one. No relationship that I am in can also include prostitutes, so therefore, no relationship that I’m in can also involve strippers. FI knows this. But because his friend was so insistent, he was really caught between us re: his bachelor party. I mean this guy was RUTHLESS, mocking him, mocking the other party attendees who were totally fine about coming up with other, non-strip club party options, lying to me about the whole thing when I brought my concerns directly to him… it just sucked.
In the end, FI didn’t go to a strip club, but it caused serious tension between us for way too long and had a very, very negative effect on our engagement. I found it difficult to get excited about anything with the wedding until the party was over. Now things are great, but I still just hate this guy. It feels like he tried to break us up. Did HE think he was trying to break us up? No. He probably thought he was just trying to have a good time. He’s probably looking forward to the wedding. But he’s still an asshole.
And now he’s going to be in all my wedding pictures.
Can someone help me find the bright side?
Post # 3
The bright side is that at least you’re not married and have two kids with him 😉 You have your lovely hubby, a gorgeous wedding and you don’t have to see him after the wedding if you don’t want to. We have a groomsman I don’t like too, but he lives overseas so whatever, I don’t really have to see him ever. When he comes to town, FI can visit but I can be conveniently sick or whatever 😉 Dude’s a jerk, nothing is going to change that. Some people are too up in their own *&%* to respect other people’s opinions/desires/relationships.
Post # 4
The bright spot is that you are marrying your FI, not this dude – so your already SOOOOO much better off. I’m sorry, I can see why you’re upset.
Post # 5
The bright spot is that you handled this REALLY WELL! You are a FAR better woman than I because I would have gone apesh*t. He would not still be in or at our wedding. You and your FI are clearly solid and you are clearly very cool! You took everything in stride and handled what needed to be handled without freaking out. Well done! And soon he’ll be gone and you can avoid him all you want!
Post # 6
Oh he doesn’t have to be in ALL of your wedding pics. Kick him out of some!
I second what everyone else said, sometimes guys have friends that aren’t the men that you would like them to be. Whatever, as long as your FI respect you and your wishes, just pretend like this guy isn’t there.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you are going through this and I can honestly say I know what you are going through. First of all, I do not think the “friend” is intentionally trying to break you up I think he is just being a selfish jerk and was really only concerned about getting his own jollies met. In my situation I heard that my FI’s friend/GM, also someone I do not care for, was planning on hiring strippers and bringing them to their suite. Could I say “hell no” quicker. In my opinion there is no need for strippers (and this is my own opinion). I totally do not buy this last hoorah bs and have even went far to say if I do find out that there were stripper after stating my wishes that GM will be kicked out even though my FI said he would walk out the room. I just take it as that “friend” needed an excuse to get strippers for himself.
That being said, in your case since there was no strippers I say let the “friend” in the wedding party. He is your FI’s friend and although he acted like a total ahole at least in the end he did not disrespect your wishes.
Waht does your FI say?
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! @mrsmdphd I wish I could say that I totally kept my cool, but there was more than one freakout :0 But I really tried to keep the focus on keeping the naked ladies out of the party since that’s what was important to me, rather than focusing on his DB friend.
@KIKI82-you’re totally, right, I know it wasn’t anything personal. It was pure selfishness. I’m sorry you were in the same position, I know how much it stinks!
@Kingcake– I’m totally going to kick him out of some pictures now 🙂 Good idea.
I haven’t asked FI to kick the groomsman out, because in the end, he’s his good friend and as much as *I* don’t like him, I know that FI wants him there. Fortunately, all of his other friends are good guys 🙂 I just don’t like how every time I see his name on the list, I’m like… ugh. It was even hard assigning him a bridesmaid to walk with, because I just don’t like him being involved with my life. I’m just glad that he lives far away.
Post # 9
Wow, I would hate to be the woman with THAT guy! Some men just never grow up. And some even after marriage and two kids still feel like frat boys. I dont think this guy was trying to break you up persay…I just think he is the kind that doesnt take anything mature, seriously. Good for you FI not going to a strip club! He sounds like a wonderful man for respecting your wishes!
Dont kick the guy out of the wedding. Just let him make an ass out of himself and enjoy your night with your hubby! Then its back to seeing this guy maybe once a year.
Oh the joys of having a FI with obnoxious, childish friends! I hear ya sister!
Post # 10
The bright side is your FI respected you and your feelings over the GM and didn’t go to the strip club.
I feel bad for the GM’s wife and 2 kids!! My FI has a cousin just like and I am just so glad my FI doesn’t go along with his schemes! I don’t think he tried to break you up, he was just pulling old boy tactics to have a wild night…I would just put it behind you and try to not let it stress you out!
Post # 11
wow.. what a JERK!!
i dont get guys and the whole strippers crap.. althought i would rather him go to a strip club then have strippers come to them.. either way i hate them but whatever..
I just haven’t had any bad experiances with that.. thank GOD! that would be awful to end your whole thing because a stupid choice to sleep with a stripper