(Closed) I want to let out frustrations. IS it worth it to elope?

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: How should I approach this?
    Wedding : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Elope : (33 votes)
    75 %
    Married then somehow celebrate later : (7 votes)
    16 %
    Something else that I don't know exists (mention in comments) : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If you were me, I would elope somewhere really fabulous (like San Francisco city hall, or a wonderful beautiful park in Chicago by the water, or New York City!) and combine it with as long a honeymoon as you can afford. That way you get a gorgeous day (seriousyl…google image search the San Fran city hall), a trip someplace new that isn’t crazy expensive since it is within the country, and you get to not be controlled by your mom’s wishes! win-win-win

    Post # 4
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If his parents aren’t helping pay, then they don’t get a say in how you do things. It might be helpful to stop talking about the wedding with his mom if she keeps pushing her opinions (I know, easier said than done!) 

    If the wedding is really important to you, then do it the way you want it and pay for it yourself. I personally found that wedding planning was incredibly stressful (I’m also in school, so that certainly doesn’t help) and after it was over I wished we hadn’t spent so much money. And ever since I saw this thread (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mountainlake-elopement-photos) I have been kicking myself for not eloping! It was just as meaningful, and they got awesome pictures! 

    But again, it depends on what is important to you. If you think you might regret not having a wedding, you should do it. Does your fiance want a wedding?

    Post # 6
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @KaiteEmm:  I definitely don’t think it’s silly to not want a wedding! My husband and I aren’t people who enjoy the spotlight, so the whole process was hard, especially on the wedding day. We also waited to move in together until we were married, and it is so nice to finally be a together so much more that I wish we would have just gotten married sooner instead of waiting so we could plan the wedding! Just remember to do what is right for you two, not what meets society or family expectations. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @KaiteEmm:  

    Hi there and welcome to the elopements board!

     

    I think most people pay for their own schooling, homes and weddings without help from anyone!  I consider myself very proud for doing so! J Call it your welcome to the real world!

     

    I think you should really start to change your attitude about what others should be doing for your wedding.  In this day and age, no one is obligated to pay for anyone else’s wedding but their own.  Yes, that means no one has to step forward to sew anything, donate anything, and maybe no one even knows of connections!  So if you change your expectation on that note, you will save yourself a lot of disappointment.  Many couples create, design and pay for the wedding by themselves.

     

    I say I don’t want a wedding cake, but she wants me to get a cake done by someone she knows.  Just wanting to point out – maybe that is your connection that you were wanting???

     

    Also, I know it’s hard NOT to share your wedding ideas with loved ones, but if you’re going to continuously going to get your ideas knocked down, why don’t you use the Wedding Bee for your go to sharing source?  People will have differing opinions and it hurts when they are not the same as yours, so either a) accept their differences, or b) don’t share so much with them.  Use us instead!  If they are not paying, then really they don’t get much input!

     

    If elopement did cross your minds, then certainly explore it!  Are you OK if people aren’t making a big to-do over your marriage then?  Sometimes it may slip through the cracks of others’ lives.  Do you want to spend money only on yourselves?  Then eloping can be the key!  To say if you’ll regret it or not is hard to say, as every person is different and had different visions.

     

    Here is a $3,000 wedding on GreenWeddingSHoes.com.  It can be considered a cake and punch typ wedding.  This couple did get some free things – like the church.  Also, they asked important ladies in their lives to bake cookies and that was their reception food.  So I imagine it was not a very long reception.  However, I think it’s rude to ask people to do things for you, so maybe these ladies all stepped forward prior or she just asked them.

     

    http://greenweddingshoes.com/a-sweet-handmade-church-wedding-for-3k-sara-steve/

     

    It seems you might not have the funds yourselves to cover this wedding you are envisioning.  Or you do and things will be tight?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    if it had been really up to me, I would have eloped lol

    Post # 10
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @KaiteEmm:  It is totally overwhelming!  I agree and I understand where you are coming from.  I had a wedding all planned and paid, but we cancelled it for other reasons (I was at the invitation ordering/cake ordering stage, but everything else was done).  It was stressful, it consumed lots of my waking hours, even at work when it should not be.  I wanted to make this event worthwhile because people were flying in for it, yet I had them sitting on picnic tables and DIY crafts!  It was just a lot of stress – like my wedding didn’t warrant the thousands $$ they’d spend to get there.  As soon as we cancelled it, I cannot tell you how good I started to sleep the following nights.  It was a sign.

    I love that wedding link too.  Her gown is David’s Bridal T3039 by the way.  You can see so much love in their photos, yet it was so simple.  I read in the comments that she got her photography for free too.

    I have a budget spreadsheet if you want.  I used it for my planning.  You do have to know some Excel in order to use it though.  PM me with your email address if you’d like it.  It can be helpful for guessing.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    i would rather spend 1000 dollars on a great dress, a delicious dinner, photography and a beautiful suite for the night and elope – then spend 3 or 4000 on a big to do where i have to cut costs everywhere to pull it off. that’s stressful, and you may find yourself compromising on absolutely everything due to cost.

    i’d rather elope then have a large wedding that i’ll be paying for long after, or struggling to afford. if yo’ure going to look around at your reception and just see money blowing away in the wind – then don’t!

    you could make it a totally romantic, luxurious day and night for the two of you! often people can have much better food/dress/bouquet/suite when they elope because you’re paying for much less bulk. it’s definitely something to think about!

    Post # 13
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @KaiteEmm:  Elope. Like you said, you both are paying for the whole thing, plus living expenses, plus student loans.   It is total crap that people become primadonnas and want to be in the spotlight with the couple, jockying for positions and bitching about how they view your day should be.  Either be reasonably supportive with solutions and cooperation, or shove off.  This is stress you and your FI simply do not need.  Period.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @peonyinlove:  Agreed.  FI and I are doing just this, this summer.  And so far, the game-plan we are formulating looks so totally romantic and stress-free, we cannot wait for it.  We’re both just riding out our busy-season at the offices and closing on a house then it’s no-holds-barred escape!  

    OP, let us know what you decided.  Please don’t let the stress build up.  This wedding of yours is about and for YOU GUYS.  Don’t let people take that away.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    2608 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I feel that when you’re working with very small budget, what you can get for a wedding will usually be a big letdown compared to what the expectations are.  We can’t help but be influenced by the current trend of “wedding culture” in the media:  celeb weddings, wedding shows, pintrest overload… it all adds up to massive wedding wants, and few of us can afford a “dream day.”

    I had a beautiful elopement for a fraction of what a very low-end wedding would have cost, so I voted “elope”

     

    eta:  I haven’t even mentioned how much the stress is reduced planning a small get-away elopement, compared to a full-blown wedding.  We had SO much fun planning, not a single fight of disagreement about the whole thing.  We had a whole ‘wedding week” just the two of us, and enjoyed a spa day, and a helicopter tour in addition to the wedding day, and several days of dining, shopping, and relaxing.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @KaiteEmm:  Elope somewhere nice.

    I could be wrong, but your original post sounds like you’re angry that people aren’t helping you pay for the wedding. No one is helping us either. I’m not mad about it, though.

    Some parents help out… others don’t. In the end, it’s a one day event.

    I think you’d be better off putting a few grand (or less) towards getting married (eloping) somewhere super romantic, and then enjoying a lovely honeymoon.

    Not cutting corners everywhere and dealing with a bunch of family drama.

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