Weddingbee boards

I just need to vent a little...I know I'm being bitchy.

My wedding is Saturday. My finance and I are doing a very budget wedding (but still classy, in my opinion). I am doing all the decorations and flowers myself. The food is being done by myself, my best friend, my mother...and against my wishes, his mother.

I have...or at least HAD everything under control. That is, until his mother and his sister started going behind my back and telling everyone that I am doing too much, and I need to start delegating things to them or it is never going to get done. Everytime his mon sees me, she reminds me that she took off work all week (even though I told her that there was no reason to) and that she will help with anything...and everytime, I respond that everything is under control. I know exactly how I want everything, and I don't want to have to sit down and explain it...and then possibly redo it when if it isn't right. It will be a lot less stressful to me to do it myself. Nobody seems to understand that.

Sidenote, but his sister is just as persistant. She is determined to decorate our cars, even though I have told her dozens of times that I do NOT want anything done to the cars. She explained that she wouldn't write anything embarrassing, just draw on the windows. I told her that wasn't the point...I do not want it done. That doesn't seem to be a good enough reason for her. She also threw a FIT about being escorted down the aisle just before the mothers. She said she has "put up with him for her entire life, and it's time she got some recognition." She also said she wanted to be in the room when I'm getting dressed, but I'm not allowing anyone in there buy my sister and my mom. I'm not even letting the photographer in there. Even after I told her and his mother this, they both questioned why they couldn't come in. Neither one would accept that I don't want ANYONE in there except the people necessary to getting me dressed...We will be locking the door, and at this point, I don't care if their feelings get hurt if they try to come in.

I could go on and on about his sister, but she is a whole other story...

No offense to his mother, but I don't like her style. It's fine for her, but it is not for me. Her suggestions have included using her cake topper from her wedding 30 something years ago (she showed it to me, and it was tacky). She has also turned her nose up at everything I'm doing (like having a Wish Jar instead of a guestbook, or the design of our cakes.).

On top of all this, his family is kinda rubbing me the wrong way when it comes to money. I have never asked for a single penny from them. My finance and myself are paying for the wedding AND the rehearsal dinner. I came up with the menu for the reception and my mother, my best friend and I went through the list and decided what each of us were making. I wasn't even going to ask his mother to do anything. However, she decided to add some dishes to the menu...things that I do not want or think we need (like mini cheesecakes and cheeseballs made of Velveeta), but she was insistant that she make them. So I caved in...I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

So last night, she calls me and asks if I would come over. She gave me a grocery list of the items she needs to make her stuff. So, I had to buy her groceries to make things that I don't even want at the wedding...

Was it bitchy of me to have expected her to contribute the ingredients for the items she is making? My mother is paying for all of her items, and was not happy when I offered to pay for them. I know typically the wedding is the bride's and her family's responsibility...and the rehearsal is his family's responsibility. His mother never offered to pay anything for the rehearsal...I accepted that, and decided not to press the issue. But for me to have to buy the ingredients for the items that she insisted that she make, even though I requested that she didn't?

How do I just shake it off? I know everyone has issues with inlaws, but how do I not let them get to me? How do I make them understand that if I say I want something, they should accept my wishes and not try to go against what I want?

I get exactly what everyone is saying. I wouldn't have thought of myself as a control freak...but I guess I am, at least about the wedding.

Everything you say is true, to an extent. I have been compromising for his family...I haven't said a word about his sister walking down the aisle. I haven't said a word about FMIL's guest list being larger than mine, my family's and my finance's combined....even though we all sat down shortly after engagement and decided on on a small wedding with family and close friends only. (I let her have her guest list, including her entire church, entire work, and people she hasn't seen in years. My finance doesn't even know almost half of her guests.) I haven't said a word about money.

I don't want it to seem like FMIL not contributing money is a big deal, because it isn't...my finance and I discussed the cost of the wedding after the engagement, and I told him that it was our responsibility...our wedding, our money. My problem was that she added things to the wedding that cost me more....granted only about $100 more, so it isn't the actual money that irks me...it's more the thought.

I haven't completely cut her out of the wedding. She has gratiously been in charge of the church details and making arrangements to find a preacher to marry us. She offered to handle that, I was thankful and have told her along the way that I appreciate it. I haven't agreed with everything, but I've let it go because I didn't want to worry about it.

As far as the decorations go, I am going VERY simple. Frosted candle holders, red roses, and ornaments. There just isn't anything for anyone to do. I bought the roses in bulk and they are being delivered Thursday. There isn't any "arranging" to do...just cut the stems, remove the leaves and outer petals, and put them in vases. Both my mother and FMIL have had negative things to say about me ordering flowers online and doing the arrangements myself, so it's my project.

Just to clarify, I'm not wanting my mother's help with the decorations either...and she has accepted that. She has bought things without my approval, and I made her take them back. She wanted my step-father to sing at the wedding but I said no, because my fiance and I decided we didn't want anyone to sing. So this isn't something personal against his family...

Melissa - my fiance does know about them insisting I let them help or it won't get done (at least according to them it won't). He knows that she's telling people I can't do it myself, and he said that if FMIL and FSIL continue to pester me about it on Thursday (when we are able to decorate the church) that he will talk to them. I will take your advice and emphasize that I need to be alone while I'm getting ready.

I know I can't keep FSIL from doing things to the cars...but I know her, and I don't think she'll stop at just writing on the windows. I've heard horror stories from my friends on what was done to their cars (like baby powder poured in the air conditioning vents so when they got in the car in his tux and her dress, they were hit full force with a cloud of powder). I just don't enjoy that kind of thing. I don't understand why if I asked very nicely for her to not mess with our cars, why she can't honor my request. My finance has asked as well...and she isn't getting the point. Yes, it isn't that big a deal...but it shouldn't be THAT big a deal that she HAS to do it. If she writes on the windows, I won't make a big deal after the fact...but I'm not giving her permission to do it.

I'm taking deep breaths. :)

I promise I'm not trying to be a spoiled brat...