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I am a Christian who has recently faced a lot of criticism because I work with prostituted women. A friend of a friend (and formerly a friend of mine) said that I am not spiritual or godly because I am not "like other women she knows". I am very offended by her statements, which come to find out she has not "approved" of me since she met me. I have tried just let it go, but because of the fact that I have children and she says my choices (helping prostitutes and trying to show love to people other christians reject) will negatively influence my girls, I can't seem to let this go. I am thinking about mailing this to her.
I am going to tell a story about my experience. You might appreciate my honesty and authenticity but you might be offended by my honest and authenticity. I can honestly say, for the first time in a long time, that I couldn’t care less either way. You see, I grew up knowing who I am and being okay with that. The problem is that somewhere along the line, me being authentic to who I am became an issue with other people. Life has taught me that people and especially women, are supposed to be spineless compromisers who say all the ”right things”. In Christian circles this is exponentially more obvious. The consequences of not playing along with this stereotypical ideal are brutal. Dare to not fit into the mold and you will be called unspiritual, ungodly, brash, insubordinate, and other not the nice things. I wasn’t born doubting myself and I didn’t start my journey feeling insecure about who God created me to be, but years and years of constant and chronic judgement and disapproval will and in fact did take their toll. The result was a painful and self doubting reality where every interaction was accompanied with a no-win dilemma. I could choose authenticity and again hear that I am too this or not enough that or I could choose to smile and say the “right thing” and be allowed to be acceptable to others while selling my integrity for their approval.
The truth is, I don’t believe that I have to be a mealy-mouthed sell-out to be inside of God’s will for my life. I resent the hell out of playing semantics with religious, self-righteous Pharisees. If God created me the way I am, who on earth has the right to tell me that I am not okay the way I am? Perhaps, me being me is not the problem at all. Perhaps me being me makes it difficult for other people to maintain their position at the top of the spiritual hierarchy. You see, if God cares about the condition of our heart and not our diplomacy skills that could be an uncomfortable truth. If God is less concerned about us using the “right words” than he is about our willingness to confront injustice that could reflect poorly on those who refuse to say the unpopular thing. If the person of Jesus is in fact reflected in the life of someone willing to boast in their weakness what does that say about someone who appears perfect through their own eyes?
I am by no means saying I am perfect and not in need of continual forgiveness and repentance. What I am saying is that 2000 years ago Jesus said unpopular things to people who believed that they were the spiritual elite. This is the same Jesus that invested his life in people who had scandalous pasts, people who were honest and authentic although not particularly politically correct, and invited them to share eternity with Him. Jesus also called the self-described “spiritual people” snakes and asked them how they hoped to escape Hell. It is not my place to judge. It is simply my job to point out what Jesus said. You will have to excuse me if I don’t care what you think about my choice of words or the way I do things. If this has to be a popularity contest, I choose Jesus.
Interesting, but kind of hard to understand the "point" of it with out knowing the author or context.
Seems like a bit of a self-indulgent ramble to me. I had a hard time figuring out what her point is.
Sounds Christophobic to me, written by someone who expects tolerency but who is intolerent.
It's interesting but there's too much mystery. It sounds like you have a serious point to make but I'm not sure what it is. I think you could add what it is about you that's so different or unacceptable... maybe more about your experience trying to fit into this mold. It could also use some editting but I'm guessing you're not there yet. I'd like to read any changes you make and the final product :)
@Mrs. Fireworks: Agreed. I mean, the writing is good, and it's got a lot of fire, but I'm not sure I really get the point unless it's just meant as a kind of rant/push-back against perceived judgment from a religious group.
It starts with "I am going to tell a story about my experience."
But then there really isn't any story.
I didn't find it to be clear at all.
If she's so self assured in her choices and convictions, why the need to write a rambling essay about it? Just be who you are. Maybe some context would clarify this a little.
Reads like a journal entry. I'm not getting what her point is.
How can you be "honest" and "authentic" when it's clear you don't really want to communicate anything substantive and comprehensible?
I would interpret that as someone who has offended someone else, and rather than apologize, she's gone on a rant about the opression of women, topped off with a dollop of "Jesus loves me so I don't care what you think". However, as stated, minus the context it's hard to say. She might be a total dick, she might be making an excellent point.
Sounds like another disenchanted Christian to me, or maybe just another woman who decides being "outspoken" means she doesn't need to be nice to people.
Also, seems just like a longwinded way of noting that many Christians are very unlike Christ. And to that I say: Duh.
Would this be your own peice? In response to what some ladies have talked about you in your Church circle?
Okay, I wrote it. I am a Christian who has recently faced a lot of criticism because I work with prostituted women. I friend of a friend said that I am not spiritual or godly because I am not "like other women she knows". I am very offended by her statements, which come to find out she has not "approved" of me since she met me. I have tried just let it go, but because of the fact that I have children and she says my choices (helping prostitutes and trying to show love to people other christians reject) will negatively influence my girls, I can't seem to let this go. I am thinking about mailing this to her.
@burris4: Don't mail it to her. She's clearly a small minded idiot. Just let it go.
@burris4: I don't see how mailing anything to her will be helpful.
@MrsWrangler: I'm not sure I'd even say the writing is all that good. It was hard for me to take the piece too seriously because of all the grammatical and spelling errors.
If it's meant to be mysterious and we'll be filled in on the context by the OP later, that's one thing, but if we're supposed to understand the topic from this excerpt, I'd say it needs a lot of work.
It's hard to give an author credibility when the delivery of their work/opinion is flawed by errors and most importantly their topic isn't clearly defined or expanded on.
ETA: @burris4: I agree I wouldn't mail it to her. I don't think she's worth your time. She's not an important fixture in your life so I feel that it's just not worth getting into. Instead, I would just distance yourself from her. You have nothing to feel ashamed of (which you already know) and are doing good and what you feel is right. That said, if you do choose to confront her... just be direct. Don't worry about how you say it, just focus on what needs to be said and get your main, concise points across.
Gotta agree with PPs on this-out of context, it's a little hard to get what the point is in all that rambling.
But, what I take from it is that the author is in the middle of an internal struggle with what is right for themselves, and what is supposed to be right by society's standards. It's kind of vague, and can be applied in many situations, so without context clues, it's not very purposeful.
To OP, the woman who made the comment is a friend or a friend, not your friend. What she thinks shouldn't matter. She is obviously not following the example set by Jesus, who accepted and helped and loved one particular prostitute.
Definately don't mail it to her.
Ask yourself would Jesus send someone a letter like that? or would he Pray for them and ask God to forgive them for their foolishness, for they know not.
I doubt she is like this because you work with prostitues. Most every Church down where I live work with prostitutes and its honorable...we have entire ministries dedicated to the matter.
Its probably something personal she has against you , perhaps you rub her the wrong way and she uses exterior things to serve as leverage.
Mary Magdalene was called a prostitute in the bible. Jesus loved and helped her. Does that make him ungodly?
Mail that to her.
@LAGS: Sorry about the errors. I just wrote it from my heart and haven't proof read all that well yet.
I was afraid to let everyone know I wrote it because I just wanted honesty instead of what you thought I wanted to hear. Rereading it, I now see how the intent is confusingly obscure.
She's a friends friend. WHY do you care what she thinks? If you are a Christian, the only person you have to answer to is God.
and FYI, I think what you do for work is very admirable. To hell with what anyone else thinks. Maybe some Christians need to be more open minded
@burris4: Well first of all, screw her. Whoever this lady is really has no right to judge you or your work. If you REALLY want to confront her just say to her face that she has no right to judge you for helping those in need, regardless of their pasts.
Also, if writing this was cathartic for you then good, but you don't owe her an explanation.
@Bostongrl25: I honestly don't know. I just know that I am very hurt but her characterization of me and I want her to know that her words are painful and wrong. Childish maybe but that is as honest as I can be.
@MissNoodles: She might be a total dick, she might be making an excellent point.
Ok so it's the latter for sure. She's the dick, and your work is invaluable to the community, so good for you. I second all the "don't send" opinions though... it's not as if she's going to read that and think "gee whiz.. she's RIGHT". People that closed minded don't generally take well to criticism that's aimed in their direction.
This is like something that you write in a therapy journal, and then give yourself permission to let it go.You're not going to change this person's mind.
Don't worry so much about what other people think or say about you. What they think and say in these sort of situations often says much more about themselves than it does about you.
My FI works in the adult film business and I have heard it all - he's cheating on you, he must be a real schmuck, you must have low self esteem, the whole nine yards. It's truly not the case and so it truly does not bother me. Of course, I would stand up for him immediately any time those things are said. But I never dwell on it.
@burris4: I am sorry she did that, it isn't fair or Christian of her. Jesus had a prostitute as apart of his core group. You also need to remember the other thing that Jesus said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Also remember that Jesus also faced displaced piety, he did not relinquish his beliefs and he was hung for it, but he forgave those who hung him. Again, I am sorry she did that to you, but sending this letter is not the way to face it. Take the opportunity to teach her and the others a lesson on true Christianity. Find the lessons inside yourself that you have to teach and tell them. Sometimes it is the through those lessons that others can find salvation.
@burris4: I can understand how the person's words hurt you. But, you need to let it go. Informing her of her shortcoming is similar to the very thing you don't want to be.
Let God be the one who enlightens her vs. you pointing out her sinful ways.
@Moja Milosc: Agreed. Sometimes just having written the letter can be so therapeutic!
@burris4: I'm sorry you have to deal with this and feel hurt over the matter. I know it doesn't change or take away this woman's words or judgement, but know that you're doing a great thing and like PPs I think what you do is admirable.
@burris4: But she isn't a friend of yours, and this information is second hand (I'm assuming she didnt say this to your face). So who really cares what she says about you? I know people have made assumptions about who I am, but unless they are a close family member or close friend then I dont really care what they think about me. I try to be a good person, and if people find fault with me then that is their issue to deal with, not mine.
I agree with the PPs that you shouldn't send it. Nothing you say to this lady is going to change her mind. Honestly, it would probably only add fuel to her (misguided) fire.
Thanks everyone. No, I am not going to send it. I think you are right that she wouldn't get it anyway. Truth be told she was a friend of mine a while back. We drifted apart and I think some of the anger is in the fact that she was actively trying to poison one of my friends against me. I am old enough to know that life is not fair but sometimes the extent of the unfairness pisses me off.
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