(Closed) I was a big meanie.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) i’m sure times are rough on both of you, especially during this time of year…  i know it’s hard over here…

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m a “meanie” too because I do the same thing when FI is off for school vacations and such.  I get so p*ssed when he doesn’t help out around the house or when he complains about me turning the lights on or something when I’m TRYING TO GET READY FOR WORK and he is going to sit around watching TV all day.

I would just explain to him (gently) how you feel.  It might go over better than you think.

Post # 5
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think the economy is stressing everyone out. Can you do something nice for him this evening?

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You should obviously apologize for that comment, but also have a serious talk with him about your frustrations. You two should establish rules and guidelines for who contributes what and how to the household, based on your current incomes and schedules. Like even if he doesn’t like cleaning toilets, that might have to be on his list right now since he’s home all day and not paying the rent.

By making these rules about who contributes what, it might make you more comfortable overall and less likely to get upset at little things like that. That’s how stay-at-home Mom households are set up – the husband usually makes all the money, but the wife is running errands all day, cooking and cleaning. So it balances out, and both are contributing equally even though there isn’t a real dollar sign attached to the person staying home.

Be careful – just because he’s unemployed doesn’t mean he’s not entitled to a good night’s sleep. Also, don’t lump him in the same category as your Ex, that’s never a good idea.

Post # 7
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Nope – you’re not that mean 😛

I would probably have said the same thing too in that situation. It’s easy to be gripey and snappy when you’re stressed out.

Post # 8
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would have reacted the same way as you, I think. My husband is on unemployment right now, going on his fourth month. He tries really hard to find work, but its nasty out there. He spends his days writing cover letters and searching for job postings. I spent about 4 months a couple years ago looking for work, so I know it is really hard to feel positive when you never hear from anyone!

But my husband also does pretty much all the housework (vacuums, cleans the bathroom, does the laundry, cooks, does the dishes) and he has found a new hobby in selling our unwanted crap online. He has made more than $100 this month!

Its hard when you’re out of work, life gets pretty depressing, but its also easy to slide into a lethargic state of being and not do anything constructive with the day. That can make you feel even worse. You guys should talk about his state of mind, make sure he’s not getting depressed.

Post # 9
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I think I probably would’ve said the same thing to him. Sometimes, when we’re frustrated, things come out that we don’t mean. I think a heartfelt apology, but a thorough explaination of why you’re frustrated are in order.

Post # 10
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally understand why you are frustrated with him and I think you guys need to talk about him doing more around the house since he is home.

I think I also have an understanding of how he is feeling.  I’ve suddenly lost two jobs over the past few years and it almost has a bit of a “grieving process” to it.  I felt depressed about being jobless and it was really hard to get motivated to do anything beyond spending an hour or two job searching every day.  I was financially independent at the time so I can’t even imagine how depressing it must feel to be in that situation AND feel like you aren’t contributing to your family.

Cut him a little slack, apologize for your comment and try to talk to him.

Post # 11
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It seems that you have a lot of built up resentment. You guys really need to talk things out before it gets worse. Good Luck.

Post # 12
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i would have said the same thing! You aren’t mean, just stressed and frustrated!

Post # 13
Member
7307 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Everybody gets frustrated sometimes and say things they don’t mean.

Post # 15
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I have done exactly the same thing. FI has been unemployed since April when he was laid off from his freelance gig and technically Nov 08 since he was laid off from his reg. job at a cable ntwk. I know what you mean about him not looking as hard as you would. I might ask what his field is thought. FI is in marketing & Ad Sales for TV. Companies & channels that are having a hard time selling commercial/promo time aren’t hiring people to sell it.

I will say, he cleans, cooks and I haven’t done laundry in about 8 months.  He can run silly errands during the week (dry cleaning, groceries etc) so that it frees up time for us to actually spend time together on the weekends. I have to admit it’s also come in really handy — florist meeting at 1pm on a Wed? Sure thing. It’s like I’m marrying my wedding planner! LOL

Post # 16
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Whoops, I was writing when you posted your last comment. Can he bring the kids to school in the morning?

FI has been trying to keep himself wake up with me in the morning when I leave for work and walk me to the train to get himself on a schedule. He had a good point – you wake up, walk to the train, then sit in front of a computer all day – so that’s what he does at home.

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