Post # 1
As the title says, I was a virgin til the wedding night. (we did everything else but sex though) However, he wasn’t a virgin…he had slept with one other girl before we got together. It shouldn’t bother me, but sometimes it does a lot! Does anyone have any encouragement/words of wisdom to offer me?
Post # 3
have you ever talked to him about it? does he say if he regrets the previous girl?
Post # 4
@waxbutterfly: You and your husband cant help your past. You are together now and you get to have him over and over again for your whole life. He chose you!
Post # 5
Yeah I’ve brought it up, and yes he does regret it. It’s just sometimes I can’t help thinking about it. I was pretty hardcore on myself about remaining a virgin and it makes me mad sometimes that he couldn’t. I actually think I’d feel better about it if he’d slept with more than one other girl before me.
Post # 6
@PitBullLover Im with you!!!! Great advice!
Post # 7
@PitBulLover: Totally agreed. What’s done is done.
Post # 8
@waxbutterfly:I think you just have to believe him, but accept your feelings, and try to move on. I’m sure you know this, but a huge part of marriage is trust, and this would certainly fall in that category!
Post # 9
Yeah I believe him, it’s just that sometimes I feel like maybe he might compare her to me or something. He works with her too and that makes me mad. And whenever I see her all I can think about it that she slept with him.
Post # 10
I’m so proud of you, that you saved yourself for your wedding day 🙂 In a world where sex is everywhere, it can be really hard to abstain, and especially so for a boy. If he was with another girl before you, and she really wanted to have sex, it would have been pretty impossible for him to say no. I also think that once someone has had sex, it’s hard to stop and abstain. He must really love you to have waited until your wedding day to make love to you. A lot of guys get so grumpy and frustrated about not having sex, that they break up with thier virgin girlfriends for someone who WILL have sex.
He didn’t marry that other girl, he married you. He loves you. He decided that you were the only woman he wanted to sleep with for the rest of his life. Yes he tried it with someone else, but found the one woman he will love forever. That’s pretty good isn’t it?
Post # 11
@waxbutterfly: Some of us have got more than 1 past memory, which we may or not regret. Seriously don’t let it bother you, it’s life. It’s great that he’s your only 1, which is probably why you’re having these emotions as you haven’t had to deal with sleeping with anyone else.
Post # 12
Well, he did have a life before you. I understand where you’re coming from, but I think I’d look at the positive side to this. He didn’t sleep with a ton of girls. It is what it is now. It’s about you two now. Not his past.
Post # 13
I’m glad that you were able to maintain the sexual lifestyle you wanted (waiting until marriage) but you can’t fault your DH for not desiring the same choice. We are all different and you can’t hang on to his past and let it drag you down. You made your choice and he made his and the fact that they are different is okay.
Post # 14
I agree 100% with freckles5672. That is absolutely right..
You really just have to forgive him in your heart.
I know that others say that well his choices were his choices but I think alot of people just don’t consider the fact that someday that guy or girl is going to be someone’s husband or wife and well how would you like people sleeping with you husband or wife?…. I think that what you’re feeling is a very normal reaction to your situation and that most people are just so desensitzed to the idea of having sex with people that they usually don’t think about it like you are now… Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that hurt.
It is going to affect you until you can totally forgive… It IS a forgiveness and heart issue and it IS a process…. to forgive her too so that you can see her for her and NOT what she did.
Don’t withdrawal from him about it but just talk about it.. you may be surprised by his heart on the matter and it may help affirm the uck you’re feeling so you can feel more assured that he totally and utterly loves you and only you =)
Hope all goes well ((hugs))
Post # 15
So well said. Their relationship ended for a reason. He married you. You can’t let prior choices drive a wedge in your marriage. It is something you knew beforehand. A little jealousy may be normal, but don’t let it consume you.
Post # 16
You can’t change the past – only learn to move on from it. You married him for a reason – focus on that.