Post # 1
Bees, what do you think of this? I’m on my phone so I’m sorry for the bad typos and auto correct.
So I had just posted about my FI proposing to me with his grandmother’s ring and the resulting saga that ensued when I told him I wasn’t crazy about it. In the end we cleared it up and he said he would get me a new ring.
Tonight my Fi’s mom called to tell us what time to go to the grandparents house this weekend. FI wasn’t there so I spoke with her. She then said she wanted to discuss my ring which took me completely off guard.
The background on this is that Fi’s family was very surprised to find out his grandmother had given me her ring. This was never told to my face but I had heard from Fi’s sister after Fi and I had our talk about it. According to the sister she really pushed him to get me a ring of my own because her aunt and cousin are upset that his grandmother gave me the ring when I’m not even family. The aunt claims that the ring was promised to her by her mother back when she was in high school. The grandmother claims she never promised anyone the ring.
So word got out that I didn’t appreciate the ring and that I’m getting a new one. That’s where his mom stepped in. She said it would be a good idea if I would return his grandmother’s ring since I was never crazy about it to begin with. She also said that Fi never should have accepted that ring but now I look bad for rejecting it. I am to give it back this weekend when we see his grandmother.
So when Fi got back I told him the story and he said that his grandmother never said she had promised the ring to anyone and it’s not like she has dementia and forgot. He does not want me to give it back.
I feel very funny now about his family because I thought they were so happy for us when all this time they were talking behind my back. I don’t want to face them.
If you were me would you give the ring back to keep the peace?
Post # 2
SunnierDaysAhead: Why wouldn’t you give back the ring? You don’t like it and are getting a different one. There may be a family member down the road that will love it. Give it back and go get a new family heirloom of your own
Post # 3
I would give the ring back to keep the peace, unless the grandmother has given/promised gifts of equal value to her other children/grandchildren. Has she?
If yes, it’s FI’s to do with as he wants, just like other family members can do what they want with their gifts.
If no, I think you should return the ring to keep the peace.
Post # 4
SunnierDaysAhead: You don’t like the ring and your SO said he will get you one you like, so just give it back. If another family member actually wants it and will appreciate it, I don’t see the point of holding on to it.
As for “not wanting the ring making you look bad”, unfortunately their view of the situation isn’t exactly far-fetched. It’s up to you to fix that with some heartfelt conversations that include honesty, apologies, and some ass kissing. This situation will only be as weird and ackward as you let it become.
Post # 5
Most definitely return it. As for the gossip, just hold your head high. These people will be your family, but you and your FI are also your own unit, and you just need to focus on the life the two of you have together. Your home is your fortress. Sure, family will have opinions and judgments, but the things that happen in your home between you and your FI are your business alone. Let it roll off your back. Stay respectful and polite.
Post # 6
SunnierDaysAhead: You don’t even like it and won’t be using it. You showed no appreciation for a gift and are getting a new “gift” of your choosing. And now you want to keep BOTH? I don’t even see how this is a question. You claim to be marrying this man and you want to upset his family over something you don’t even like? Wow.
Post # 7
i’d give it back too and keep the peace. get the ring you both love instead. sorry for all this drama!
Post # 8
SunnierDaysAhead: What does his grandmother think about all of this? If I were you I would give it back (unless of course she insists you keep it, it is really her decision). Even if the family were caught off guard by you receiving it, I’m sure if you loved it and were going to use it as an engagement ring they wouldn’t be asking for you to return it.
Try and see it from their perspective, if it was a ring that belonged to one of your relatives that you were very sentimental about and knew someone coming in to the family had recieved it but didn’t really love it, you would probably want it to go to someone who does too. If you don’t love it (which you certainly don’t have to!) and you’re getting another, avoid the drama and let them keep it. Yes it’s his grandmothers decision but perhaps it’s not something that is worth causing an issue over. Items like that can be very sentimental to people and if I were in the position of one of his relatives, i’d probably feel the same way.
Post # 9
If you like it..keep it as a RHR if the grandma gave it to you..then that’s whom she wants to have it. I understand if the ring wasn’t what you imagined as your engagement ring but if you genuinely like it then these women need to get over it. I had the same thing happen with a diamond necklace that was made from an engagement ring from my FIs grandma’s first engagement ring and she gave it to me and then later word got out and his cousinsgot upset and wanted it. Ppl get crazy about inheritance, no matter the size or value. I’m sure she has saved other heirlooms specifically for them. I say keep it and don’t engage with the drama
Post # 10
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t return it. You don’t even like it and you’re getting a new one. Why would you keep a ring you won’t even wear. As far as his family, they’re probably mad you rejected his ring. That is totally your right and you worked through things with your FI but on the surface it doesn’t make you look good to his family.
Post # 11
SunnierDaysAhead: If you loved the ring and were planning on keeping it as your e-ring I’d say no but since your FI is getting you a new ring anyway I would give it back just to keep the peace. I’d also ensure I thanked the grandmother for being so thoughtful in giving him the ring to propose to you and how you were honoured to have worn it for that short time. You’ll be dealing with these people for the rest of your life so I’d choose your battles carefully and just keep the peace this time 🙂
Post # 12
I’m having trouble tagging posters but to answer some questions, the ring is pretty but not what I envisioned for my engagement ring. I was planning on wearing it on my right hand after I got the new ring.
His grandmother has given his other cousins family jewelry before but not as an engagement ring. One of his cousins got one of grandmother’s necklaces for her college graduation. Another one got a bracelet as something old to wear for her wedding and she got to keep it.
I feel like I really messed things up.
Post # 13
Since you’re not planning on wearing the ring as it was intended, and especially since you’re not a blood relative, you should return it.
Post # 14
Since you don’t want it anyway, give it back. I don’t see how you would want to keep it when you don’t want it to begin with.
Post # 15
Also I forgot to add I do not know what his grandmother thinks. FI and I were going to call her tomorrow and discuss if before we see anyone.
I think what is upsetting to me is that his cousins and aunt who are very vocal about this all had a say in their engagement rings whether they picked it out by themselves or told their SO’s what they wanted.