I was asked to give his grandmother's ring back

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

SunnierDaysAhead:  Why wouldn’t you give back the ring? You don’t like it and are getting a different one. There may be a family member down the road that will love it. Give it back and go get a new family heirloom of your own 

Post # 3
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would give the ring back to keep the peace, unless the grandmother has given/promised gifts of equal value to her other children/grandchildren. Has she?

If yes, it’s FI’s to do with as he wants, just like other family members can do what they want with their gifts.

If no, I think you should return the ring to keep the peace.

Post # 4
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  You don’t like the ring and your SO said he will get you one you like, so just give it back. If another family member actually wants it and will appreciate it, I don’t see the point of holding on to it.  

As for “not wanting the ring making you look bad”, unfortunately their view of the situation isn’t exactly far-fetched. It’s up to you to fix that with some heartfelt conversations that include honesty, apologies, and some ass kissing. This situation will only be as weird and ackward as you let it become. 

Post # 5
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Most definitely return it. As for the gossip, just hold your head high. These people will be your family, but you and your FI are also your own unit, and you just need to focus on the life the two of you have together. Your home is your fortress. Sure, family will have opinions and judgments, but the things that happen in your home between you and your FI are your business alone. Let it roll off your back. Stay respectful and polite.

Post # 6
643 posts
Busy bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  You don’t even like it and won’t be using it. You showed no appreciation for a gift and are getting a new “gift” of your choosing. And now you want to keep BOTH? I don’t even see how this is a question. You claim to be marrying this man and you want to upset his family over something you don’t even like? Wow. 

Post # 7
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

i’d give it back too and keep the peace. get the ring you both love instead. sorry for all this drama! 

Post # 8
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

SunnierDaysAhead:  What does his grandmother think about all of this? If I were you I would give it back (unless of course she insists you keep it, it is really her decision). Even if the family were caught off guard by you receiving it, I’m sure if you loved it and were going to use it as an engagement ring they wouldn’t be asking for you to return it.

Try and see it from their perspective, if it was a ring that belonged to one of your relatives that you were very sentimental about and knew someone coming in to the family had recieved it but didn’t really love it, you would probably want it to go to someone who does too. If you don’t love it (which you certainly don’t have to!) and you’re getting another, avoid the drama and let them keep it. Yes it’s his grandmothers decision but perhaps it’s not something that is worth causing an issue over. Items like that can be very sentimental to people and if I were in the position of one of his relatives, i’d probably feel the same way.

Post # 9
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: mountain venue

If you like it..keep it as a RHR if the grandma gave it to you..then that’s whom she wants to have it. I understand if the ring wasn’t what you imagined as your engagement ring but if you genuinely like it then these women need to get over it. I had the same thing happen with a diamond necklace that was made from an engagement ring from my FIs grandma’s first engagement ring and she gave it to me and then later word got out and his cousinsgot upset and wanted it. Ppl get crazy about inheritance, no matter the size or value. I’m sure she has saved other heirlooms specifically for them. I say keep it and don’t engage with the drama

Post # 10
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t return it. You don’t even like it and you’re getting a new one. Why would you keep a ring you won’t even wear. As far as his family, they’re probably mad you rejected his ring. That is totally your right and you worked through things with your FI but on the surface it doesn’t make you look good to his family. 

Post # 11
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015


SunnierDaysAhead:  If you loved the ring and were planning on keeping it as your e-ring I’d say no but since your FI is getting you a new ring anyway I would give it back just to keep the peace. I’d also ensure I thanked the grandmother for being so thoughtful in giving him the ring to propose to you and how you were honoured to have worn it for that short time. You’ll be dealing with these people for the rest of your life so I’d choose your battles carefully and just keep the peace this time 🙂 

Post # 13
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since you’re not planning on wearing the ring as it was intended, and especially since you’re not a blood relative, you should return it.

Post # 14
8678 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Since you don’t want it anyway, give it back. I don’t see how you would want to keep it when you don’t want it to begin with.

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