I was not invited to a wedding and my boyfriend was?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes, you should have been invited and the cousin was terribly rude not to invite you. If I were your boyfriend, I would decline and say that I’m not comfortable attending a wedding without my significant other.

Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, I think it’s wrong to assume that you should also be invited. 

They made it clear where the cut-off was, and they are entitled to make that decision because it is their wedding.  

You may be committed to each other and own a home together, but you’re not engaged. The bride and groom don’t have to factor in your plans and what your level of commitment is when they make their guest list. They invited who they want to attend, and since he doesn’t have a fiancée or wife they didn’t add a plus one. That sounds fine to me. There are plenty of justifiable reasons for them to do things that way. 

If you want people to treat you and your boyfriend like the two of you are engaged or married, you should get engaged or married. 

Your boyfriend has decided not to go, so the problem is solved. 

Post # 4
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it’s rude, and she should understand why he didn’t want to come without you, but it can be argued that technically it’s not poor etiquette if she’s really consistent with that cut off.

I limited +1s to couples that were married, engaged, or living together, and some people have a problem with that too.

Post # 5
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrsjmv:  You are not wrong — you should have been invited. It’s nice, though, that your boyfriend stood up for you! It was the right thing to do. He sounds like a keeper 😉

Post # 6
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

mrsjmv:  I always heard the proper etiquette was engaged, married, or living together. Of course other serious relationships are up to the hosts’ discretion.

You should’ve been invited but I wouldn’t be too upset about it.

Post # 7
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

I think because it is family that it’s fairly rude…

My rule was if it’s family, anyone over 18 gets a guest, however I left it up to my mother to encourage my youngest cousins to come stag as they didn’t have anyone serious in their life.

For friends and coworkers they had to be a SO… whether living together, engaged, what have you. Those that were single I asked if it was oke to invite one group of girls as a table and they come stag. No one had a problem with it…

 

Post # 8
milkcowBee
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton

mrsjmv:  I think that since you’re living together and have been together for a while it would’ve been nice to invite you, but weddings have their limits and couples have to make a cut-off somewhere, unfortunately. We chose to do our cutoff at couples who have been together over a year or are engaged or married, other friends of mine have made the cutoff engaged or married, and others have just done married couples. It’s so nice to go with your significant other and can be a little lonely to go alone, but guests can add up quickly, especially when it’s family members.

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

mrsjmv:  It was not graceful for her to deny you an invitation OR to have a reaction other than “while we wish you would be there, we understand and will see you at _____!” when receiving news of the decline.

Post # 10
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you should have been invited and i am glad that your bf declined.

Post # 11
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

mrsjmv:  Yeah, I think you should have been invited. I could see it if you hadn’t been dating long or weren’t serious, but that’s clearly not the case, but I’ve also always been under the impression that it’s married, engaged, or living together. That being said, maybe she was just trying to stick to her cut-off all around. Either way I wouldn’t get too upset about it. 

Post # 12
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

mrsjmv: owning a home together and planning to get engaged is not the same as being engaged. 

It’s justified to be upset if you find out others brought their non-married, non-engaged SOs to this wedding though. 

Post # 13
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

All couples who are in a relationship should be invited.  I know people quote the “only married, engaged, or living together” but I don’t.  It is not up to me to set up arbitrary cutoffs on whether or not an SO is “serious” enough to be invited.  I have a friend who’s been engaged twice but never married either woman, but were his relationships more serious because he was engaged?  No.

Post # 14
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes, you absolutely should have been invited. The etiquette is that anyone who is married, engaged or living together in a romantic relationship is considered a social unit and should be invited as a couple. 

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