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I'm going to try my hand at another post. We'll see how this one goes :)
Last week I was on the phone with my mom and she told me a chunk of news that shocked me. I found out my ex from high school (NOT THE ONE THAT I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF THE RING FROM) has gotten a woman prego! Now, I had run into him a few times in my travels back and fourth from my hometown back to where I moved before I got married. He freaked when he saw my rings and found out I'd gotten married only a few months ago. He cussed my husband like a dog and all kinds of stuff.
He left out the part where HE got this woman prego! (out of wedlock, I might add) My mom told me the whole deal. He had moved out and met a girl, (it happens!) then they were stupid ONE time and she ends up with a child. (I don't know if they had it planned, nor do I even care!)
I know how he can be, after all, we were off and on for 4 years! Now, he and the woman are living with his mom and dad. I figure he had a job, then got mad one day and walked out on it. (He always did that when I knew him).
His mom (which I spent some time with the other day too) is mad as hell at him (and her too) for putting into the situatioin of becoming a grandmother at her age.
I think she wants them to marry and raise the child. I consider that to be one smart move for them, but his mom asked me if I would help them out (daipers, wipes, etc...) I told her, "No, I couldn't afford it right now." She freaked on me. It's like I"M the woman who is prego!! I wouldn't help them out, even IF they DID have a shower for her and she NEEDED stuff! It's not my place. I don't know this WOMAN from adam and I shouldn't have to buy her things to help her with her OWN mistake.
I look back on this "relationship" (if you can call it that) that I had with this ex and I'm so GLAD I didn't become pregnant by him. I can only hope he steps up and can learn to be a good father to that baby.
Needless to say, I was WAY WAY shocked at the news and the way he yelled at me for getting married. At least, I married BEFORE I decided to bring a life into the world!
Im kind of confused on why she thinks you should buy stuff for a child that is in no way your respnonsibility. And I dont think you need to be married to have a kid and or raise a kid.
How do you keep running into all your ex's? Does your hometown only have 50 people in it?
I'm also a bit confused. You're a newlywed....why are you so involved with your ex's drama? You should be focused on your happy new marriage, not spending time with your ex's mother and talking about the unfortunate situation he's in.
mishelleez I only have 1 ex in my hometown (which is pretty small) and he still stalks me. I don't go looking for him or anything. I don't tell him when I'm coming or for how long. He doesn't even know what town I live in NOW.
I guess his mom thinks that since he and I dated (again, off and on) that I should be partly responsible for buying something for this OTHER girl. I don't think you have to be married or even engaged to have or raise a child either, but it would make it easier. I'm not going to buy her a thing. (I have bought some other people I went to school with who are getting married, having a child..etc...) only b/c I know them and they are nothing but nice to me and never said an ugly thing to me.
They made the bed, now THEY have to lie in it. I'm not catching heck for something that is years old and gone.
GFoxBride I am not involved in his life. My mom works with his mom and word got around. My mom just told me the news via phone. I don't go hunting for HIS damn drama, word spreads fast!
Your ex's mother sounds a bit whacko. Why on earth would she expect you to buy things for this child? Sounds like you should cut off contact with ex and ex's mother.
Aside from that, I know how weird it feels. I dated a guy from 15-19 or so... I'm now 27. Since we broke up, he has been married and divorced and has two kids by two different women.
I don't much care for this site any longer. You won't be seeing me on here any longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personal attacks have come to an end with me!
@go4me77: if you dont want opinions, why do you post things like this? you are judging their family and people who have kids out of wedlock (and all sorts of other people in your other posts), but you get mad when people give their opinions on YOUR behavior/posts.
"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path"--one of my favorite quotes.
Too much drama for me here. I'm sorry, but some of these things are just plain ridiculous. All of us in this world have drama at one point or another, but this is just too much. All of your posts are filled with so much drama. Just don't talk to these people. They aren't family or anything. I personally feel like you like drama and thrive on it. Who cares about a past ex and his mother? Just stay away from them!!
And I don't like that you attacked women who have had children before marriage. There are women on Wedding Bee and around the world who have had children out of wedlock and for you to personally attack them? Not ok...
@go4me77: wow! I can speak for myself only. I don't think anyone wants you to up and leave. I don't comment too much on your posts but I do read them. You have to look at from the readers perspective. Your last post had some interesting things going on. This one is just weird considering the last one. However, there are some people on here who should just not say anything at all if they can't say it in a respectable manner. It still may not be what you want to hear or read in this case, but there is a way to say everything.
Yes I wonder too why you are spending time with the ex's mother. I had a ex from high school. We dated for 4 years. I truly loved him with everything I had but like most high school sweethearts, we broke up. His mother treated me like her own daughter. As she had no girls and I had no mother at the time. BUT, after I started a new serious relationship and later got married to someone else, I sent Christmas cards to his mother. I spent no time with her but I still felt connected to her after all that she did for me when she didn't have to.
But I agree, you should not have to help them out even if you were close like I was to my ex's mom.
@blondeeebuckeye: Do you know who's quote that is. I love it. Can I put it on my facebook?
"she wants them to marry and raise the child. I consider that to be one smart move for them"
Getting married because you have a child together is not a good idea. My parents, 16 and 17, were forced to get married because my mom was pregnant with me. They divorced less than 2 years later. I know of at least 3 other divorces because someone got pregnant.
"HE got this woman prego! (out of wedlock, I might add)"
I had my child out of wedlock, who was planned and wanted more than any baby in the whole world. When people say things like this, it really hurts my feelings because they think my baby was an accident, which is not true.
@edisonsgirl: thanks! i love quotes :) that one is from Paulo Coelho, who is a Brazilian novelist. i had it on my facebook for the longest time! @edisonsgirl--of course you can use it, i'm not that brilliant to come up with something so good :)
I think you should just focus on your marriage and try not to think about the ex's. They do tend to shock you but really focus on your husband now. He deserves all of your attention.
@edisonsgirl: Im guessing you have not seen any of the last threads and esp her last one.
DONT EXPLAIN YOURSELF YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO YOUR OWN OPINION. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT POST IF THEY DO NOT EXPECT PEOPLES OPINIONS.
@Jenn23: DITTO 110%... too many drama filled stories from 1 poster.
@mishelleez: I did see them, which I noted in my reply on this post. My point is, some people on here have been pretty rude and could say what they have to say without being mean. We don't know exactly what is going on in her head or life, only what she tells us. So we really shouldn't be so rude as to hurt peoples feelings.
@edisonsgirl - I just have to say that she hurt my feelings by the whole babies before marriage comment because my baby was born before we were even engaged. Again, our baby was planned.
I don't see why you can't just say, "You know, i've moved on from that phase of my life" and laugh at this crazy lady who thinks you should be buying stuff for your ex.
Don't let it bother you and it won't. It's in the past. Don't entertain chats with your mom about this kind of stuff. And, don't hang out with these people! "spend time with your ex's mom". WHY?! Don't even put yourself in these situations.
Seriously, just say, "mom, i dont' care!" and don't talk about it! I don't get why it's so hard. It's the mature, responsible thing to do, since it just causes problems I think.
And as far as the "getting married before bringing a life into this world" part....hella ironic considering you have decided not to have children and your husband had a vasectomy. What's it got to do with it? You may not like them, but it's not really becoming to say things like that.
@TheFutureMcBride: Yeah that hit a nerve with me too! I was married when I had mine but that really doens't mean anything. We are divorced now. So what does that tell you about marriage and babies..LOL. I was just pointing out that we shouldn't be rude. Even if her opinions are quite different than the majority.
@go4me77: Umm, you're talking about how you "don't care" and how butting into their business is "not your place", but you get on a message board and create an entire thread about it?
Ok then, haha.
@TheFutureMcBride: I agree – getting married just because you have a child together generally isn’t a good move for anyone, including the child. Getting married before you’re ready to get married is generally a bad idea and part of the reason the divorce rate is so high.
I’m tempted not to comment too much on all the other drama, but do want to say:
Go4me77: If your ex is really “stalking” you, I don’t understand why you would spend time with his mom, who would likely let it slip she saw you, since her son lives with her – and then creating more drama. There are many women who are legitimately stalked/threatened and harassed by their exes, if that’s not really the case, please don’t use that word – its hard enough for women who are being legitimately stalked to be believed by police/court systems because people throw that word around.
You are in control of the amount of drama in your life.
I think the OP was just bored and wanted to vent a little. I agree that some of the comments were judgmental... but when we're angry, we sometimes tend to hit below the belt.
@edisonsgirl - I agree with you, it's just she wrote something knowing that it would hurt people and it did. It personally offeded me. I'm not attacking, just saying that what she said should've been stated nicer, especially if she wants advice on how to handle something.
I had to jump in here, mostly because I am a reader of go4me's posts. I was a bit confused at the point of the post, granted she might have been annoyed at the fact that someone asked her to participate in a child's life or even shocked that her ex got someone knocked up which I can understand, but there was WAY too much fluff and she had a hand at offending some people, myself included and I dont have children.
@go4me77: I dont think you should stop coming onto this website, you like it obviously, who here doesnt. However, I do think you should be careful about the things you say. It was offensive to sound high and mighty if someone who wasnt married had a child, so effing what? As long as it wasnt you, it doesnt matter. But I dont think you're being fair by judging those who have decided to have children outside of marriage AND not liking people's negative opinions about your posts. If you're going to dish it, you better be able to take it.
@Bee-loved:it did sound a bit like a personal attack, but I really do understand where you're coming from.
@Jenn23: I agree with you (if you dont like the drama, keep it out of your life by not letting it get to you, or posting it here, but if you do, and lots of women do, then own up to it)
edisonsgirlThere's opinions and then there's.... well... chaos and downright bad situations. I'm sorry but the OP is so all over the place these day's I feel like I just got thrashed by a 15 ft wave.
@go4me77: Speaking for myself, I don't want you to leave, but this is a wedding board. About our weddings and our current/future families. Who cares about an Ex? They're an EX for a reason! Our FI's and DH's are (at least supposed to be) the love of our life and better than any other man on the face on this earth... save for our fathers. IF, DH is not the light of your world (and I'm not saying Christ is not to be your light), but if he is not your everything and your still dwelling on this ex and that ex then the marriage you are "trying so hard for" and the one where "failure isn't an option" WILL fail. You need to move beyond the past and look to the beauty of the future. IF, through counseling and other avenues you come to find you and/or your husband have significant issues... be it control or anything else, you need to do what's best for you.
... double *sigh*
She's gone, so let's just move on. Her drama has now become everyone's drama - and I, for one, am having a fantastic day, so I won't let it bring me down.
Hakuna matata and all that.
blondeeebuckeye - 'if you dont want opinions, why do you post things like this? you are judging their family and people who have kids out of wedlock (and all sorts of other people in your other posts), but you get mad when people give their opinions on YOUR behavior/posts. " I agree with you 100%~~~
I orginally wasn't going to post on here and just stay out of this drama but seriously, you have insulted me like crazy thus I'm going to speak up!! No I do not have a child out of wedlock BUT I've had a miscarriage, and my bestfriend who is also my age isn't married but is 7 months pregnant, and happily than ever (along with several of my family members)! Eventhough being married before having children would be "easier", who are you to judge your ex's personal life? All I can say is move on, and get over it, you are happily married yourself so it's time to focus on your life.
Oh and BTW "At least, I married BEFORE I decided to bring a life into the world" and "help her with her OWN mistake" are the two WORST and most TERRIBLE comments I have read in a VERY long time!
GO4ME, next time just tell your mom that you don't want to hear any GOSSIP. You have waaaaaay too much drama in your life. Gossip is hurtful and never does anyone any good.
@go4me - I'm not sure if you're even reading this post but I wanted to say that I don't want you to leave.
I think part of why other posters post the things they do is basically the wording. If you believe something, others will believe otherwise & so everyone's bound to get disagreements. Saying things or implying that getting pregnant outside of marriage is a bad thing & no one wants that, that's going to upset people on here. You can say "I'm glad I'm not with that ex & that I didn't get pregnant & live with his parents". You'd probably get replies like "good for you, glad you're happy". But saying "Wow they totally screwed up & shame on them for having kids out of wedlock", that's going to offend & upset people.
Sometimes, "I'm glad that wasn't me" & comments that are more for venting are taken as personal attacks against others. I'm not trying to point out things you're doing wrong, but trying to give constructive critisizm. I could see gladness in you're glad you're not with that guy who's living with his parents & his gf is going to be having a baby because, if something happened, that could have been YOU & you're grateful that's not your life. I had a friend who broke up with her bf & a few months later, he got his current gf pregnant. She was SO glad that didn't happen with her that she said things similar to you. Not because she's putting that other gf down, moreso because that's the life that would have been hers if she stayed with him.
If you see that ex (the one who cussed out your husband), I'd not talk to him. He's not respecting you or your husband by cussing him out. I understand you two were together for so long, its really hard to let him go or maybe he hasn't let go. Either way, you need to phase him out of your life.
As far as keeping in contact with his mom, I understand that. My best friend back in the day "un-friended" me years ago & it was really hard to let that go. My exfriend's mom I saw as my mom & I didn't have a mom in my life. I tried to still be friends with my exfriend's mom but eventually it was just too hard. I was so hurt it took months before it didn't hurt so badly & months longer for it to just hurt a little. Not only did I lose my best friend, but I also lost the person who was my mom in my life. So I understand you wanting to still talk with her. Or maybe, she hasn't "let go" of you. Maybe she sees you as a daughter & as part of her family. In my opinion, its probably best to move on & avoid them. Yea, it'll be really hard... but its so worth it.
Hope you get this & that you don't leave here!
go4me77: I don't want you to leave but what parts you've posted about your personal life has not been very pretty. I'm sorry you're feeling attacked. However, the best way to assimilate back into WB is to stop posting threads about other people and/or dramatic stuff. For now, my suggestion is just to post on other people's threads and if you have a legitimate concern then perhaps post that.
@beekiss2 - I'm not trying to start a debate, but I think its important to talk about things you're struggling with or things that affect you. Lots of people's personal lives aren't pretty, in fact most people's lives are messy. I think that sometimes things can be so overwhelming that its good to have this place to post & vent. I had some crazy drama with my exroommates & with my FI (now DH) & with other things & this is where I came to to "vent". I think go4me had intended to just vent but it offended people & she didn't do it on purpose.
Lets just stop commenting on this posting, everyone's getting so offended by this post. Lets just drop it & move on...
@go4me77: I have an ex with a family that is a little different from mine, I know they can be frustrating in a small town, but the best way to handle it... ignore it! They are not involved in your life any more that you ALLOW them to be. Stop judging people, and enjoy your life with your husband.
I also think this is MUD if she is willing to flip out and leave that quickly...
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