- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Hi, totally new to this part of the board. I don’t want to in any way infringe on the delicate nature of this thread nor demean it with my question but my friends weren’t really receptive.
I thought I was ready to have a kid. Like, stick it in me, we’re awesome. My fiance has just now (we’re about 2 months away from the wedding) started being really serious about the conversation. Leading up it was very much a ‘when we’re ready’ and now it’s ‘I don’t know, our life is pretty awesome as is’….and now I’m even doubting what should happen.
Truth be told, I conceived about ten years ago and chose to end it. PLEASE don’t flame me, I am not trying to hurt anybody who has been going through hard conception issues, one of my very best friends had to recently give up too, I do not take the choice lightly. I was in school, in a horrible relationship, incredibly immature/irresponsible, and at the time it just seemed like it was the best decision for me. And, I like to think at least, it was. But as they say about regret, it doesn’t get any easier over time. At all. So it makes it even more difficult because I always validated the decision by ‘well, I will have children when it’s right for ALL of us’.
I think I am still immature. I like to do what I do when I do it. Even my fiance falls victim to this. Sometimes I think that the gap in this is the responsiblility of a little one. Like perhaps I am not admitting that I’m totally dissatisfied with the fact that I still don’t have a child. I don’t know, maybe I just make things all about me because I can. Does that make any sense? The idea of a child makes me cry in the really good and sad way. But now that my fiance has brought up how ‘good’ our life is, I secretly think maybe I would not be a really great mother after all.
This is probaby the wrong thread to post this in, so many apologies. I just don’t know if I am over/under thinking things. I am not even remotely analyzing his change in stance. This is just about me for now.
Thanks for reading, truly. 🙂
EDIT I forgot about a very important part! We have never used contraception and because I know I can get pregant pretty easily, I am thinking that he can’t have children naturally. However, because we are still ahem….withdraw method….I can’t ask him to try and SEE if he can without him being 100% on board for children. It just makes all of this so f*cking complicated.