Post # 1
Do I have to invite her to mine??
Trying desperately to pare down the guestlist and wondering if it’s ok to not invite my old coworker. some backgroud:
-we haven’t worked together in over 5 years (i recieved my shower invitiation shortly before I left the job)
-i havent seen her since she was pregnant. her daughter is now 2 and a half.
-we only interact via facebook, despite a few half hearted attempts on both our parts to get together (note: we live in the same state, about an hour apart)
-she is no longer married to that guy. a fact i gleaned through some noticeable facebook omissions and now a new relationship status with a new guy (notable only because it means that i would have to invite her with a guest and it would be some person i have never met and likely will not see ever again since i never even see her).
all that said, i do still consider her a friend. if we did ever see each other again, i think we would have a great time catching up. but my wedding probably isnt the best catch up venue…
ugh! i hate guest lists!!!!
Post # 3
It’s totally fine to cut her since you aren’t close anymore. Friendships change and it sounds like you have just grown apart since her wedding.
Post # 4
Haven’t seen her in a year? Then not required to invite.
Post # 5
I personally would invite her, I dont think you HAVE to, but it would be nice to invite her. For all you know she might decline the invite and then you wont have to feel guilty that she invited you to hers but you didnt inviter her to yours.
Post # 6
ohmybears48 – that is my rule too! If I haven’t actually seen you in a year (unless we live very far apart) no invite! I think that it is totally reasonable not to invite her, you haven’t seen her in a few years and as we all know facebook friends aren’t real friends.
Post # 7
You haven’t seen her in over two years, so I’m going to say no..
Post # 8
You definitely don’t have to invite her. Invites don’t have to be reciprocated.
Post # 9
If you haven’t seen her in 2 years, then I would not invite her.
Post # 10
I would say you don’t have to invite her. Even though you feel like you would catch up in a heartbeat the point is that you are not close now. If you need to cut space don’t feel guilty. I know I would not expect an invite from any friends I have a similar relationship with.
Post # 11
I would agree, you don’t have to invite her. It sounds like she isn’t close with you anymore.
Our rule for the wedding, because we are paying for it ourselves is if we wouldn’t pay for your dinner and drinks then sorry we aren’t inviting you to a dinner and drinks at our wedding. It’s harsh but if we don’t do it that way we will have 400 guests at the wedding.
Post # 12
No need to even feel bad! Don’t invite.
Post # 14
No you do not have to invite her. Should I have to invite my dad’s former co-worker from 1985 because I went to their wedding when I was a child? Of course not.
You do not have to invite everyone who has ever invited you to their wedding. Some people will have 800 person huge mega events and some people will have intimate 10 people gatherings.
Post # 15
Social reciprocity — the give-and-take where anyone who enjoys someone else’s hospitality is expected to take their turn at being the host and offering hospitality to those who entertained them in the past — is a cornerstone of polite society. Yes, if someone has served you a wedding dinner, you do need to return the invitation and host them to dinner. That is in addition to sending your bread-and-butter note the next morning thanking your hostess.
But you do not have to use your wedding to fulfil that obligation. In fact, you normally should not use your wedding for obligatory return hospitality, since it is unlikely that you will be getting married soon enough, or often enough!
Since you ask, I am guessing that you have not yet provided return hospitality. You are right, your wedding is probably not the best time to catch up. But as with thank-you notes, return hospitality is better late than never. Invite your old friend to dinner as soon as a convenient opportunity arises, and catch up then.
As a friend wrote in my autograph book fifty years or so ago
“Make new friends, but keep the old
“Those are silver, these are gold”
Post # 16
I’m not inviting anyone I haven’t seen in 2.5 years, whether I went to their wedding or not!